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 ARCHIVED TOPIC: I survived the 300 post game Part 41


Please note this is an archived topic, so it is locked and unable to be replied to. You may, however, start a new topic and refer to this topic with a link: http://www.banjohangout.org/archive/216385/5

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dat - Posted - 11/03/2011:  14:15:20



here is another one,  Ray and Hank Jr ought to get togeather

DeanT - Posted - 11/04/2011:  12:13:23


Just keep the booze away from Hank...

dat - Posted - 11/04/2011:  12:26:15



can you be  a true politician without booze?  just look at the Kennedys

DeanT - Posted - 11/04/2011:  16:19:35


Counts me out, I haven't had any in over 20 years.

dat - Posted - 11/07/2011:  05:38:21



you're to honest to be a politician anyway, you've gotta be a crook to be in politics, even if you're honest going in, you won't be after you've been for a day or so

DeanT - Posted - 11/07/2011:  07:33:17


Hmmmm... how about TV preachers?

dat - Posted - 11/07/2011:  09:36:37



they would be great politicians too. I go to church, and could get into all kinds of discussions on how Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, but that isn't allowed. those phonies on TV are just out for money

DeanT - Posted - 11/07/2011:  10:37:28


Hey we can talk all about Jesus here, because no one ever checks this thread! I think Jesus is very sad about what people have turned his word into. But he also warns what would happen to them. I had TBN on this weekend, and they were actually trying to get people so send in $5,000 checks.... even if you didn't have the money.

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/07/2011:  11:05:57


Hey.

Just FYI, while moderators don't come in this thread very often, they have been known to sometimes. I've gotten into trouble for a few posts I've made in this thread. I've also gotten emails from other members telling me that my posts were inappropriate.

So I'm going to stay in hiding until the topic moves on. I don't post on BHO that much these days. But I don't want to be banned. And if I post anything else even slightly controversial I might be.

dat - Posted - 11/07/2011:  12:00:07



you're pretty bad about stirring stuff up though, kinda like horses and stuff, they gotta stay on you to keep you lined out

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/07/2011:  13:25:45


I remember when I was at Gallaudet I missed class one night because I was sick. My professor was giving me hell the next night, in a different class. "You need to miss class more often. It was quiet without you. You're just a rabble rouser."

And this guy (who I happened to have a crush on) looked at him and said, "Her? But she never says anything?!"

Gotta watch out for us quiet folks. We raise hell in our own subtle way....

dat - Posted - 11/07/2011:  13:43:01



speaking of crush, how is cute guy doing?   ya'll gone to a concert yet?

DeanT - Posted - 11/07/2011:  16:08:22


I think cute guy is why she's not posting as much lately...

dat - Posted - 11/08/2011:  05:33:16



she goes and gets herself a man and forgets all about us here

DeanT - Posted - 11/08/2011:  07:07:53


She's too busy showing off her belly dancing moves and he's upgrading her computer and fixing up her house

dat - Posted - 11/08/2011:  07:16:46



she might even be ordering a pizza or chinese food,   she doesn't need to scare 'im off by trying to cook yet

DeanT - Posted - 11/08/2011:  07:37:47


I'm thinking wine and hot tub...

dat - Posted - 11/08/2011:  07:45:45



Hard to wrong with a hot tub,  I never have been much on wine thouggh

DeanT - Posted - 11/08/2011:  10:16:36


I bet they are instant messaging at work and giggling...

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/09/2011:  11:17:11


Nothing from cute guy.

Two other people have sent me R-rated pictures recently. I really have no idea why these things happen to me.

DeanT - Posted - 11/09/2011:  17:47:43


Is that the new way of flirting?

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/10/2011:  06:05:14


Welcome to the world of sexting.....

I guess. I really don't need to be getting stuff like that, though. I know I complain about being single a lot. But honestly, I'm not so desperate that I'm going to throw myself at someone just because they're sending me stuff like that.

And actually it's a little awkward, too. I feel like now I have to watch what I say to these people because I really don't want to get more.

dat - Posted - 11/10/2011:  06:27:49



send them back a church e mail

DeanT - Posted - 11/10/2011:  07:43:05


Or tell them you're not into shrinkydinks....

dat - Posted - 11/10/2011:  10:40:12



that's something I haven't heard of in years

DeanT - Posted - 11/10/2011:  11:30:23


Remember putting them in the oven to shrink? They were the coolest toy on the planet...

dat - Posted - 11/10/2011:  14:57:23



I always liked yard darts

DeanT - Posted - 11/10/2011:  16:38:14


I remember the TV commercial where they bounced a superball over a house. I tried it and smashed a bedroom window...

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/11/2011:  06:36:14


I liked tinker toys.

dat - Posted - 11/11/2011:  07:15:48



quote:


Originally posted by Mr. Quimby




I liked tinker toys.






 I still like tinker toys, and lincoln logs

DeanT - Posted - 11/11/2011:  08:16:01



Don't forget the erector set... and light brite


Edited by - DeanT on 11/11/2011 08:16:19

dat - Posted - 11/11/2011:  08:53:40



I used to melt the light brite pegs on the light bulb

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/11/2011:  10:13:53


I was always kind of disappointed with light brite. If you used one of their guides and put all the correct colors in, then it was pretty. But then once you'd poked holes into it you couldn't see what the guide was anymore and couldn't duplicate it. Same with the blank ones. Maybe you could make something pretty once but then you'd ruined the piece of paper and couldn't do it again.

And I never had Lincoln logs or an erector set.

dat - Posted - 11/11/2011:  10:23:03



how 'bout tiddlywinks?  I think that's where playing quarters came from


Edited by - dat on 11/11/2011 10:24:47

DeanT - Posted - 11/11/2011:  13:31:15


Tiddlywinks is along the same lines as jacks and pick-up-sticks....

But you know, I think the toy we had as kids that got the most play time was a good old deck of cards... from all the games, to the tricks, to the card houses...

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/11/2011:  13:47:17


I liked some board games, like Sorry. I remember one time in my life where a friend of mine and I played Sorry all the time. I think we probably talked a lot and the game was kind of a mindless activity we could do at the same time.

DeanT - Posted - 11/11/2011:  16:54:37


My GI Joe was always trying to play with my sister's Barbie...

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/12/2011:  09:48:48


Boys.....

DeanT - Posted - 11/12/2011:  12:44:28


Hey at least he never wore Barbies clothes...

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/13/2011:  16:42:23


Ah, that takes me back to the good old days when my buddy Don made me go to all the drag shows at the local gay bar...

DeanT - Posted - 11/13/2011:  18:27:55


I used to go to the drag strip on Saturday nights... but the only thing racy was the cars....

dat - Posted - 11/14/2011:  06:49:40



We used to ride over to the old tram road where the black people would race their cars, they had the best drag cars around. I'm not gonna say what we called the races cause it ain't proper

DeanT - Posted - 11/14/2011:  07:38:25


In both the above cases...(gay bar and drag strip) there are pink slips....

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/14/2011:  09:06:27


Some of the drag queens who are really into it will get boob jobs. Some of them had bigger boobs than I do!

dat - Posted - 11/14/2011:  09:20:39



the drag kings have some nice jobs too,



youtube.com/watch?v=CUFsqZmb7W...e=related



youtube.com/watch?v=CyHxG9vUJI...e=related


Edited by - dat on 11/14/2011 09:30:33

dat - Posted - 11/14/2011:  10:35:24



and you can't forget Kenny Bernstein "The King of Speed"  youtube.com/watch?v=ZifmAgzPFNo

DeanT - Posted - 11/14/2011:  10:43:57


Some dragsters want an extension of their manhood, and some want to hide it.....

dat - Posted - 11/14/2011:  13:15:06



 



 



 



 



 



got this e mail, I did NOT check to see ifin it was true, but is so this last guy had a speed rush better than a dragster for a few seconds



 



 



 



2011 Darwin Awards

Its with great displeasure that I announce..... it's that time again....The Darwin Awards are out! These Annual Honors (or horrors) are given to the persons who did the human gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.



You may recall that last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.



This year's winner was a genuine Rocket Scientist...no jive! Read on...and remember that each and every one of these is a true story. The nominees were:



Semifinalist #1



A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both he and his sister.



Semifinalist #2



Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.



Semifinalist #3



A 22-year-old Reston , VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the concrete," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."



Semifinalist #4



A man in Alabama died from numerous rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized, but lived.



Semifinalist #5



Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''especially bright'' by his peers.



And now the winner of this year's Darwin Award; as always, awarded posthumously;



THE 2011 WINNER!



Arizona HighwayPatrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.



Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off...actually a solid-fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!



The facts as best could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.



The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds.



The driver, and soon-to-be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.



Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.




 




Really.....we couldn't make this stuff up and remember these people all around us and not only do they have kids but they also vote!







 

Mr. Quimby - Posted - 11/14/2011:  17:10:45


At least some of those I'd read before, but the last one. Wow.

DeanT - Posted - 11/14/2011:  17:58:04


I've read the last one several times in the last 20 years or so.... it's so good it keep coming around!

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