jistgreg - Posted - 07/14/2015:  05:19:50

is better than no breath at all. 

Throughout the length and breadth of this great country (and that other great country), 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/14/2015:  05:59:20

both countries have managed to survive.

But what has that got to to with

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/14/2015:  06:10:18

the price of maple syrup in Quebec or orange juice in Florida?

The all-star game is in Ohio

jistgreg - Posted - 07/14/2015:  06:29:42

or Iowa or Oahu or some other four-letter word.  

If it were Utah, I'd 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 07/14/2015:  16:05:23

i would go tomorrow

now where did I

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/14/2015:  22:03:37

put my false teeth and glass eye?

Getting old is

jistgreg - Posted - 07/14/2015:  23:00:10

not for sissies. 

Country Time lemonade is not 

OM45GE - Posted - 07/15/2015:  03:08:24

my favorite summertime drink. 

I prefer

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/15/2015:  04:27:37

Louisianna iced tea with lemon slice.

On a coon hunt,let those dogs run and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/15/2015:  08:37:30

they'll never come back if you go cheap on their food.

Most dogs prefer

jistgreg - Posted - 07/15/2015:  08:41:07

finding out where other dogs have been and what they've been eating. 

I swear, Blue, if you don't get your nose out of 

OM45GE - Posted - 07/15/2015:  10:33:14

that other dog's butt you are going to get in another dog fight. 

Remember the time you

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/15/2015:  11:43:00

tried to make out with that female black and tan down the road?

She wasn't gonna have nothin to do with you and she

jistgreg - Posted - 07/15/2015:  11:47:57

turned out to be a he! 

You are an embarrassment to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/15/2015:  12:12:49

the Canine Husbandry Association , and your membership will likely be revoked.

A dog's breakfast

OM45GE - Posted - 07/15/2015:  16:45:43

becomes tomorrow's pile of poop.

They find the whole process

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/15/2015:  19:12:38

needs to be repeated daily.

There are 36 dogs on ours and the surrounding ranches so

Scaggs7 - Posted - 07/15/2015:  19:17:33

I dumped 72 more on the ranch property nest to the horse barn

My leg feels like

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/15/2015:  20:56:33

it could execute a swift kick to a burglar's tender region.

The locks on my doors

OM45GE - Posted - 07/16/2015:  06:16:43

could withstand a nuclear blast. 

Unfortunately the doors are pretty weak so

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/16/2015:  08:30:34

would anyone like to buy the locks?

Or I might trade them for

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/16/2015:  09:28:28

a shotgun and a can of bear spray.

Sleeping with one eye open

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/16/2015:  09:47:47

takes lots of practice.

When riding snow mobiles in the desert,,always

jistgreg - Posted - 07/16/2015:  11:33:02

stop regularly to munch on the sand which is there. 

Seriously, though, if you bring along sandwiches, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/16/2015:  12:58:24

make sure you send the Earl of Sandwich the royalties.

However, a Reuben

Scaggs7 - Posted - 07/16/2015:  17:51:56

sandwiches goes good while playing the song by the same name

if you ever see that thing again

OM45GE - Posted - 07/16/2015:  18:48:05

take a picture because nobody believes you saw it the first time. 

Your credibility is

jistgreg - Posted - 07/16/2015:  21:37:34

lower than a cockroach's belly right now. 

Are you plagued by 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/17/2015:  01:39:51

visions of Bill in your dreams?

Drink 8oz. of corn whiskey before you

OM45GE - Posted - 07/17/2015:  05:06:51

go to bed and those horrible visions will be banished from your sleep. 

However, you might wake up

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/17/2015:  05:19:31

with other kinds of blurred visions.

Seriously folks,,when was the last time

OM45GE - Posted - 07/17/2015:  06:16:52

anything good happened after drinking 8 oz of corn whiskey?

Remember the time

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/17/2015:  08:18:42

at the old swimmin' hole,when I would have drowned behold doubt
but old Shep was right there,to my rescue he came,he jumped in and helped pull me out.

Then I said Good Boy Shep,,here have a

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/17/2015:  08:22:55

piece of roadkill from the front of my car grille- it's still nice and warm.

Buzzards and vultures

OM45GE - Posted - 07/17/2015:  12:22:23

have been given a bad rap in cartoons. 

They're always portrayed as

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/17/2015:  12:35:17

the dirty,ugly birds that prey on the roadkill. (Which they do)

But the clean birds like Tweety and Roadrunner never,ever

jistgreg - Posted - 07/17/2015:  13:37:52

let so much as a windshield bug pass their lips. 

Wait, do birds have 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/17/2015:  15:58:39

 lips , or do they bill-kiss?



Trumpet playing is out of the question

Edited by - chuckv97 on 07/17/2015 15:59:06

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/18/2015:  04:00:04

if you're a bill kisser.

But maybe you could play the drums if

jistgreg - Posted - 07/18/2015:  05:15:46

your neighbors were deaf. 

That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean  

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/18/2015:  07:09:59

pinball, but his golf game needs work.

Never yell "FIRE"

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/18/2015:  11:42:00

if you can send it on the text.

Thirty seven of out steers got rustled last

jistgreg - Posted - 07/18/2015:  12:41:48

and  were disappointed that they weren't rustled first. 

My prime beef is 

OM45GE - Posted - 07/18/2015:  16:53:03

tasting suspiciously like horse meat. 

I wonder

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/18/2015:  17:17:59

where grandpa's team of Belgiums went?

When we catch those horse thieves we will

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/18/2015:  17:49:16

tie'em to the corral gate and make'em listen to Scotty play the banjo for 5 hours.

By then they

OM45GE - Posted - 07/18/2015:  18:52:14

should be ready to admit to almost anything. 

We are going to ask them about 

jistgreg - Posted - 07/18/2015:  20:00:53

WHO -- Who wrote the Book of Love?  

They say confession is good for the soul, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/18/2015:  21:31:32

but not for your sorry lookin' carcass when it gets thrown in jail.

Prison life is