chuckv97 - Posted - 07/05/2019:  06:07:52

what’s known as a sperm bank.

Beware of men going postal

OM45GE - Posted - 07/05/2019:  06:33:39

when they realize they don’t have any stamps after hand addressing 200 wedding invitations.

For some reason

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/06/2019:  02:56:52

600 guests show up.

Then the catering people

OM45GE - Posted - 07/06/2019:  03:27:17

arrive with six packages of hotdogs and a dozen hamburgers.

They soon realized

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/06/2019:  05:00:17

their days were numbered.

The chief cook read the riot act

OM45GE - Posted - 07/06/2019:  16:53:51

but had to keep stopping to look words up in the dictionary.

Plus, his lips got tired

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/07/2019:  03:48:29

You're all fired.

Then he went into the woods and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/07/2019:  06:46:43

went hunting with Elmer Fudd.

They found

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/08/2019:  03:37:59

one poor,skinny rabbit.

Well,there was nothing to

OM45GE - Posted - 07/08/2019:  05:56:51

do except take the bunny out to the local salad bar.

The poor thing

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/08/2019:  07:43:58

choked on the croutons , then spit out the blue cheese dressing.

So they were given the bum rush

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/08/2019:  18:17:50

By a group of homeless monkeys.

Just because it hurts to

OM45GE - Posted - 07/09/2019:  03:34:42

lose your lover when your heads full of hope.

But it’s worse

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/09/2019:  03:40:05

to have your lovers spouse find you out.

So always have an

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/09/2019:  03:42:37

alibi and an escape route.

Don’t take any

OM45GE - Posted - 07/09/2019:  03:54:51

videos of your trysts and definitely don’t post them on your Facebook profile.

Remember, everything

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/10/2019:  18:02:04

Is deny-able.

Unless you forget to

OM45GE - Posted - 07/11/2019:  03:21:09

wear your disguise.

I like to

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/11/2019:  09:04:42

wear hot pants and pumps while in disguise.

Shaving my legs

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/11/2019:  09:46:43

Is no longer an issue.

Ever since Stihl started making

OM45GE - Posted - 07/11/2019:  13:08:39

battery powered hedge trimmers, my shaving days were a thing of the past.



Of course, several layers of

Edited by - OM45GE on 07/11/2019 13:08:53

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/11/2019:  13:13:13

my shin skin comes peeling off.

But my dog wolfs that down

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/11/2019:  13:38:44

With snark and gusto.

Mind you, he only

OM45GE - Posted - 07/11/2019:  13:39:19

and then starts looking for more.

It makes me nervous when

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/11/2019:  21:27:19

I get out of the shower and he’s right there licking his chops.

Someday I’ll quit

OM45GE - Posted - 07/12/2019:  03:54:08

letting him in the bathroom while I’m showering.

However, I like the company and he

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/12/2019:  05:00:15

guards the door.

Sometimes he'll even

OM45GE - Posted - 07/12/2019:  05:03:36

scrub my back if I ask him nicely.

His claws

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/12/2019:  07:27:36

remind me of that witchy woman I used to date.

And her toenails were razor sharp

OM45GE - Posted - 07/12/2019:  14:39:16

which left my bedsheets in tatters.

I finally had to ask her

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/14/2019:  04:13:35

either trim your toenails or don't came back.

She went the next day and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/14/2019:  08:14:04

took all her open-toed shoes with her.

She’s now working

OM45GE - Posted - 07/14/2019:  10:32:08

as a climber for the local tree service.

She is able

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/15/2019:  08:08:32

to scramble up tall oak trees in record time.

She also deflates footballs

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/15/2019:  08:30:36

Better than Tom Brady.

Speaking of cheaters, once

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/15/2019:  08:41:04

I bought a capo, I never played bar chords again.

After that my Arthur-itis went away

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/15/2019:  14:21:20

Only to be replaced by the very popular Burs - itis.

Oh the games we would

OM45GE - Posted - 07/15/2019:  14:29:36

play back before the incident.

Afterwards, we never

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/15/2019:  14:38:43

told anyone out in the jailhouse exercise yard.

Three squares and a roof over my head

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/15/2019:  14:58:22

Is a lot better than no squares out in the open.

After paying the required $20,

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/15/2019:  15:02:03

I joined the “Jailbirds’R’Us” protest movement.

We’ll be having a cyber-march

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/15/2019:  16:14:54

Right next to the women’s correctional play yard.

If at all possible, try

OM45GE - Posted - 07/16/2019:  03:19:02

to avoid joining us in prison.

It’s getting crowded and

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/16/2019:  03:34:08

the warden is loco.

He has his lunch in the

OM45GE - Posted - 07/16/2019:  03:35:49

gas chamber.

He likes to pretend

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/16/2019:  09:15:58

he’s just one of the boys.

His wife took his gun away

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 07/16/2019:  12:43:16

And replaced it with a ham.

Now every time there’s an incident

OM45GE - Posted - 07/16/2019:  15:12:37

he slaps the perpetrator with a thick slab of ham.

If he's really quick, he

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/16/2019:  16:50:33

smacks’em up side the head, followed by a low blow to the scrotum.

His wife applauds