chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2016:  12:27:13

to train  puppies to growl at homely gals , not that I'm prejudiced or anything.

There's only so much time in a day

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2016:  12:31:29

and I don't want to waste it on things that clearly are going nowhere.

Of course, the attractive women may be

Forrest - Posted - 11/30/2016:  12:35:19

and there's no time to be wasted on unattractive girls when it's mating season.

Beauty, however, is 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2016:  12:35:50

only be checking the size of your........wallet, and the cut of your clothes.

Puppies are only a smokescreen

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2016:  16:01:02

used to mask the prurient interests most of us harbor.

In fact, the women

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2016:  20:37:58

cruise the harbo(u)rs looking for men with hangdog faces.

Some gals have control issues

OM45GE - Posted - 12/01/2016:  02:42:55

but my wife is not among them. 

She tries to control 

Forrest - Posted - 12/01/2016:  06:16:54

the boudoir, purse strings, house, kids, and me, but she doesn't have control issues. 

My wife's real issue is

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/01/2016:  06:26:33

her uncontrolled and totally unhinged mother, who drops by every day for supper.

Her run-on lectures

OM45GE - Posted - 12/01/2016:  10:31:59

are enough to turn the Buddha himself into a raving lunatic.

She thinks I'm

Forrest - Posted - 12/02/2016:  08:31:35

wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and frequently wrong. 

Did I mention that

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/02/2016:  09:03:37

runs with that scurrilous crowd ,"Retired Members of the Class of '65 Debating Society".

Their sole mission 

Forrest - Posted - 12/02/2016:  09:59:59

is to relive the glory days without returning to their debating ways.

The best thing about the mid-60s is

OM45GE - Posted - 12/02/2016:  13:37:39

probably something I can't remember.

I can't remember

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/02/2016:  14:40:39

what happened after May '66 when somebody gave me some blotter acid.

I was hoping to channel

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/02/2016:  16:08:09

it out through the drainage system.

Dr. Brown said that he

OM45GE - Posted - 12/02/2016:  16:09:53

the spirit of Mother Earth and become one with nature. 

Instead, i 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/02/2016:  18:22:02

ran into Father Time, who told me to pull my socks up.

Reliving past guilts

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/03/2016:  03:18:40

can sometimes lead to trouble.

But there is a way to

OM45GE - Posted - 12/03/2016:  06:35:03

avoid any problems. 

All you need to do is 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/03/2016:  08:05:47

hide under your bed all day, at least until the sandman comes.

My nerves are shot

OM45GE - Posted - 12/03/2016:  12:20:12

from lack of sleep ever since I learned that my closet was a portal to hell. 

I can't even begin 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/03/2016:  13:13:08

to think about horns, pitchforks, or the number.......Ss-ii-xxx Hun-n-n-ddd-red ss-iixxx-ty ss-ixxx.

My trembling hands

OM45GE - Posted - 12/03/2016:  18:23:15

keep dropping the joint and I'm sloshing the gin out of my red plastic cup. 

It's almost enough to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/04/2016:  06:41:33

make me go back to drinking out of a bottle.

My soother went home to her

OM45GE - Posted - 12/04/2016:  10:46:19

family saying she never wants to see me again. 

That seems pretty harsh just because I

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/04/2016:  14:59:46

told her she can't eat at my house anymore..

But since she's gone things are

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/04/2016:  15:48:04

hunky-dory - I can burp, barf, and flatulate at my heart's desire without that nagging shriek in my ears.

I moved the shopvac and air hose into

OM45GE - Posted - 12/04/2016:  16:33:44

the kitchen where they are much handier than they were out in the garage. 

I also got rid of 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/05/2016:  04:33:29

last years garbage and flypaper.

There's nothing like being clean and

OM45GE - Posted - 12/05/2016:  06:38:20

free of all her clutter.

Now I have more space for

Forrest - Posted - 12/05/2016:  06:56:52

NASCAR posters, spittoons and my extensive back/crotch scratcher collection.

The one thing I do miss is

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/05/2016:  07:17:24

her paycheque ,since I've been claiming temporary insanity with my former employer.

"Temporary", of course, is a 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/05/2016:  07:45:32

relative term as I was first diagnosed as clinically insane several decades ago.

I knew when my imaginary friends stopped

Forrest - Posted - 12/05/2016:  08:10:22

speaking any known language and I still understood them that I was well and truly hosed.

Telepathy is

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/05/2016:  08:38:08

all about convincing your audience with menacing looks that loud applause is necessary.

Gigs at Grim Jim's

Forrest - Posted - 12/05/2016:  09:03:50

are typically a jumping point for those who wish to embark on a career in flim-flammery and the manipulative arts.

The most famous artist

OM45GE - Posted - 12/05/2016:  10:26:45

who started her career at Grim Jim's was a little known Dadaist named, Joan de Arp.

She often

Forrest - Posted - 12/05/2016:  10:33:46

engaged in abstract readings of poetry or musical performances while rubbing the blood of freshly slaughtered gerbils across her body.

Joan was best known for

OM45GE - Posted - 12/05/2016:  11:28:28

her flawless imitation of Rich Little imitating President Nixon.

She sometimes

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/05/2016:  11:33:10

delved into female Elvis impersonations, which sent a Grim Jim himself into mindless hysteria.

Jim gave her a room above

OM45GE - Posted - 12/05/2016:  11:38:58

the bar, for which he didn't charge her rent.

She did, however, have to provide

Forrest - Posted - 12/05/2016:  13:15:53

various services of an unmentionable nature for Jim at his request.

One of those services

OM45GE - Posted - 12/05/2016:  13:26:09

involved painting his porch, which she did using the rollers and deck paint Jim provided.

When she was done she informed Jim that it wasn't a Porsche, it was a Ferrari, whereupon Jim promptly

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/05/2016:  14:13:49

told her to bend over and then drove her home, back to her dysfunctional family.

Old wringer washing machines and '76 Camaro parts littered the front yard

OM45GE - Posted - 12/06/2016:  02:35:10

and a pack of mangy mutts patrolled the backyard. 

Her uncles were

Forrest - Posted - 12/06/2016:  06:05:44

a mangy lot, with perhaps a full set of teeth between the 5 of them and a definite lack of general hygiene. 

They were known for

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/06/2016:  06:48:07

chasing cars on all fours ,trying to teach the mangy mutts how to be "normal" dogs.

But alas, laziness and sloth

OM45GE - Posted - 12/06/2016:  07:02:44

won out as usual and by noon the entire lot of them were snoring and farting away on the various pieces of worn living room furniture scattered about the yard.

I decided it was time