jistgreg - Posted - 03/22/2015:  06:59:03

Colonel, and he says, "Old  Hickory!  I don't wanna sound all dickery, Doc, but do you know what o'clock it is?" 

Colonel Jackson looks Mike Fink up and down coolly 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2015:  07:57:32

and suddenly exclaims,"You're the rat fink that stole my gal!"

"You'll be on KP

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2015:  03:48:17

for the rest of your life. 

Now grab that potato peeler and

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/23/2015:  14:19:04

scrape the ice off the steps.

Fill all the water bottles and go

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/23/2015:  15:58:46

sell'em to the Redcoats,, better take some limes too.

They don't drink Mississippi water

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/23/2015:  17:33:57

when they can get the salty Gulf brine.

"Old Hickory" wrote a letter back to the Queen an said

OM45GE - Posted - 03/24/2015:  05:56:25

he wanted to come home but wasn't sure he would be welcome.

The Queen replied

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/24/2015:  07:04:40

get your sorry carcass across the ocean - we have room for you in the Tower.

Just then a gator lost his

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/24/2015:  11:08:52

ability to hold his breath underwater,and drowned.

Thirty-seven parrots flew over Ft.Pierce and

MWBailey - Posted - 03/24/2015:  13:16:56

a drunk scotsman lay down in the ditch.



Then there happened by three lassies fair

Edited by - MWBailey on 03/24/2015 13:17:23

OM45GE - Posted - 03/24/2015:  13:52:58

who couldn't help but stop and stare. 

One got down on her hands and knees 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/24/2015:  16:06:19

and carefully got hold of his keys.

With a giggle and a squeal

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/25/2015:  04:41:50

she stuck a hat pin in his heel.

Then he jumped up with a shout

OM45GE - Posted - 03/25/2015:  06:33:29

and asked if anyone had seen his bottle of Scotch.

They all looked

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/25/2015:  08:53:51

They all looked at him and said,,,No,we haven't.

But we did see a bottle of

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/25/2015:  09:47:33

urine that some dumb trucker threw out after failing his drug/ alcohol test.

After studying all night

OM45GE - Posted - 03/25/2015:  10:41:23

with a bottle of gin and a fat joint.

He couldn't understand why

jistgreg - Posted - 03/25/2015:  11:06:40

the Smokeys were pickin' on him. 

He said, "I shoulda stayed home pickin' 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/25/2015:  14:36:21

and grinning and not messing around with you fools.

The Smokeys didn't take kindly to being called fools and started

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/25/2015:  14:59:05

tearing his truck apart looking for contraband.

What they found was

jistgreg - Posted - 03/25/2015:  18:40:04

a contra dance album. 

"This isn't exactly 

Edited by - jistgreg on 03/25/2015 18:45:39

OM45GE - Posted - 03/26/2015:  04:06:32

what we expected to find", said the officers. 

However, it will come in handy down at the

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/26/2015:  08:45:07

"dark town strutters ball".

They will be serving free lemonade and

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/26/2015:  08:46:14

at the Policemen's Ball this Spring, they will be raffling off confiscated illegal paraphernalia.



Sgt. O'Hara

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/26/2015 08:48:33

jistgreg - Posted - 03/26/2015:  12:50:43

said, "If we confiscated it, it's illegal. 

"and don't ask me to spell paraphernalia or 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/26/2015:  15:13:21

I will show my near illiteracy not to mention my illegitimacy. 

Not that one has anything

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/26/2015:  15:47:22

to do with my illegitimate birth when my mother had to deliver me at a delinquent girls' retreat.

The Stork

jistgreg - Posted - 03/26/2015:  19:15:50

Club in New York City purported to be a gin joint, but the wayward girls told a different story. 

Once a speakeasy 

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/27/2015:  04:57:59

in my home town,talked too much. Know what I mean?

Dumas Walker can tell you all

OM45GE - Posted - 03/27/2015:  05:36:53

you want to know about the Kentucky Headhunters, which isn't very much.

It's a very

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/27/2015:  06:39:44

short tale, somewhat akin to the tail of a bobcat.

Whoever traps one

OM45GE - Posted - 03/27/2015:  08:28:58

may be in for more than they bargained for.

Bobcats have been known to

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/27/2015:  13:33:27

bob around a lot.

I opened this pack of bologna last December and it's

OM45GE - Posted - 03/27/2015:  14:00:30

still sitting in the refrigerator.

Do you think

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/27/2015:  15:22:54

it'll be OK to mix in with the leftover Mac &Cheese from last month's Pot Luck at the Bluegrass Clubhouse?

The preacher is coming by

jistgreg - Posted - 03/27/2015:  19:39:30

way of Anaheim, Azusa and Cucamonga. 

He'll be leaving by way of Kalamazoo, Walla Walla 

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/28/2015:  03:36:24

and Knock-Um-Stiff,Ohio.

We'll all go out and meet him at

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/28/2015:  06:57:06

the river for an old fashioned head dunkin' and revival.

Dunkin' Donuts are catering in

OM45GE - Posted - 03/28/2015:  10:33:19

cases where the party givers had absolutely no other options. 

Personally, I think Dunkin Donuts isn't fit for 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/29/2015:  15:22:13

toddler birthday parties, and neither is bobbing for apples.

A homemade Dutchie

jistgreg - Posted - 03/29/2015:  21:43:05

is either a Jamaican cooking pot or a sort of doughnut popularized by Tim Horton's in Canada. 

If I had a ten-foot pole, 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/30/2015:  04:29:10

I wouldn't touch a Dutchie with it. 

I don't want to sound narrow minded, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/30/2015:  08:09:19

but casting a wide net ensnares many an undesirable.

Take Dragnet, for instance,

OM45GE - Posted - 03/30/2015:  12:56:52

how many times did they roll out the same stale plot line?

It got to the point

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/30/2015:  15:35:44

that when Joe Friday said,,,"Just the facts Maam"...It had no effect.

Now Car 54 Where Are You,,was totally

jistgreg - Posted - 03/30/2015:  19:09:55

the antipode of Dragnet. 

A happy medium came along in the form of Barney Miller when 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/30/2015:  19:30:36

Dietrich played an intellectual Toody Muldoon, relying on wry humo(u)r , rye whisky, and corned beef on rye.

He was born in a NY deli next to a speakeasy

OM45GE - Posted - 03/31/2015:  04:07:53

where the booze and women were both readily available.

It was the sort of place

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/31/2015:  05:55:13

that the local "rum-bums" patronized.

They gathered their to