chuckv97 - Posted - 03/31/2017:  11:22:03

slapped the aggression out of him.

Grandma was toothless

OM45GE - Posted - 03/31/2017:  16:35:38

but she sure had a bite.

I steered clear of her whenever possible, but sometimes

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/01/2017:  04:15:09

she would trip me with her cane.

Grandpa loved Grandma so much that he

OM45GE - Posted - 04/01/2017:  07:32:44

put up with all of her shenanigans without a peep. 

Of course, maybe that's because he was

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/01/2017:  07:34:29

peepless , never having flown the coop. 😝

She tolerated his tobacco chewing

OM45GE - Posted - 04/01/2017:  07:39:24

but didn't like it when he spit the juice into her sewing basket. 

Whenever he did, she would 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/02/2017:  15:16:41

hide his plug for 2 days.

But that didn't bother grandpa because

OM45GE - Posted - 04/02/2017:  17:08:16

he had plenty of spare chew stashed around the house.

What he didn't know is that Grandma had found all of the stashes and 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/02/2017:  17:22:48

fed them to the horses who like tobacco to ease their rumbling stomachs.

But that only got them

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2017:  02:58:42

addicted to nicotine and juice stains on their bridles. 

They also started 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/03/2017:  04:03:02

to have their own spitting contests.

Grandpa had this old funnel that

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2017:  05:52:03

he used to improve his spitting aim.

He also wore it as a hat so his hair

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/03/2017:  06:39:56

might start to grow again..

Never underestimate the power of

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2017:  07:19:49

'backer juice to grow hair, remove warts, and clean your oven.

Yesterday I ventured out to the mountains to commune with nature

Forrest - Posted - 04/03/2017:  09:11:58

and forgot my coat and bug spray.

I had to kill

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/03/2017:  10:07:00

a skunk to get some repellent.

That worked for a while but

OM45GE - Posted - 04/04/2017:  03:37:43

now even my imaginary friends are keeping their distance. 

I'm planning to

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/04/2017:  04:18:46

take a bath next week if the weather holds out.

I still have plenty of deodorant so

Forrest - Posted - 04/04/2017:  06:00:33

I can refresh the skunk smell if I get to missing it too badly. 

I've had fun pretending to be Pepe Le Pew, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/04/2017:  09:22:32

but I got tired of Cousin Downwind cozying up to me.



Some day I'll move to the Swamp

Edited by - chuckv97 on 04/04/2017 09:23:44

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/04/2017:  09:24:36

But I'm so ugly even the fleas stay away from me.

I can go for months without

Forrest - Posted - 04/04/2017:  09:36:54

bathing, but my level of body odor doesn't seem to change.

Living in the swamp will

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/04/2017:  10:48:18

not build up immunity to stinch.

Oh well,,I'm here by myself so

OM45GE - Posted - 04/04/2017:  16:03:26

I might as well fulfill a life long dream. 

I'm going to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/04/2017:  16:12:14

build a long yearned-for beaver dam, without the benefit of buck teeth.

I ordered the ready mix truckload

OM45GE - Posted - 04/04/2017:  16:20:35

to be delivered through my ex-wife's basement window. 

I smile to think about 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/04/2017:  16:49:08

what the furnace will look like.

Golly,,I hope no one is

OM45GE - Posted - 04/05/2017:  02:53:11

expecting me to come up with any good ideas. 

All my good ideas have long since 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/05/2017:  03:05:02

"gone with the wind"..

But she never expected to go

OM45GE - Posted - 04/05/2017:  03:12:36

through the emotional roller coaster that comes with a relationship with me. 

She would be better off 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/05/2017:  05:59:52

dating someone with better social standards.

So now we have to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/05/2017:  08:35:52

go back to the drawing board and find me a good woman who understands dreamers and layabouts.

First thing on the list

Forrest - Posted - 04/05/2017:  08:37:08

will be a nymphomaniac with a rich father who owns a brewery.

Notice that good looking wasn't

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/05/2017:  08:45:58

at the top of my list.

I wouldn't necessarily kick any broad out of bed for eating crackers

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/05/2017:  09:00:57

but all the bologna has to go.

I'll not tolerate any kind of

Forrest - Posted - 04/05/2017:  09:07:36

sausage in my bed, no matter how good looking the woman.

This one time, I got a huge surprise

OM45GE - Posted - 04/05/2017:  10:49:56

when I discovered a 12 foot Burmese Python curled up under the covers by my feet.

It first I thought it was

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/05/2017:  14:34:40

the work of Fast Eddie trying to convince me to take an offer I couldn't refuse.



His persuasion methods

Edited by - chuckv97 on 04/05/2017 14:35:24

OM45GE - Posted - 04/05/2017:  15:01:27

can be very persuasive indeed unless you are in on the joke.

The joke is that Fast Eddie is actually

Forrest - Posted - 04/05/2017:  16:40:21

not all that fast and a nice guy, but he'll kill you if you leak that intel to anyone outside the organization. 

This one guy dared to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/05/2017:  17:16:09

leave his lips loose and Eddie took away his bus pass.

Life with the mob

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2017:  03:12:46

has actually been quite pleasant other than the revenge killings and broken legs for missed loan payments. 

The food is very good and the five finger discounts 

Edited by - OM45GE on 04/06/2017 03:13:01

Forrest - Posted - 04/06/2017:  07:31:13

are available at will, not to mention the wide berth that most people give me.

I try not to abuse my position, but this one time

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/06/2017:  08:06:21

I had to off a meter maid when she tried to give me a parking ticket in front of the bank.

If I ever change jobs

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/06/2017:  08:35:29

my SS# stays right with me.

That's good because

Forrest - Posted - 04/06/2017:  08:51:20

mob benefits don't always transfer from one organization to another. 

My retirement benefits are looking

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/06/2017:  11:40:33

mighty slim due to the underhanded mismanagement of the Luigi Esposito Pension Plan.

Why, I oughtta

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2017:  12:46:20

murder da bum who convinced me it was a good deal.

Unfortunately, someone else

Forrest - Posted - 04/06/2017:  12:56:54

beat me to it, so I'm now gambling my retirement on nickel slots in Atlantic City. 

I had to take out 3 grandmothers just to get a seat