OM45GE - Posted - 07/23/2019:  04:24:06

nobody is there to enjoy it with you?

I always try

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/23/2019:  08:11:40

to go on dates with another person.

Some dates end in disaster

OM45GE - Posted - 07/23/2019:  08:26:38

but mine usually end at "Get away from me you creep!"

I learned the hard way that

railroader55 - Posted - 07/23/2019:  08:45:12

Taking off your finger picks is a good idea before picking up your glass of red wine.

railroader55 - Posted - 07/23/2019:  08:46:42

If you can come up with...

OM45GE - Posted - 07/23/2019:  13:05:18

a good way to get red wine stains off a banjo head, please let me know.



Mine looks like

Edited by - OM45GE on 07/23/2019 13:05:33

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/23/2019:  13:58:58

an Apache with war paint.

Never leave a lit cigarette under a string on your peghead

OM45GE - Posted - 07/23/2019:  15:48:09

unless you don’t care about the headstock veneer.

Your lungs will

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/23/2019:  15:51:18

protest, but that’s the beauty of freedom of speech.

I’ve never walked a mile

OM45GE - Posted - 07/23/2019:  15:53:13

for a camel but I have crossed the street for a dromedary.

They’re just as ugly, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/24/2019:  04:45:13

you can't tell the difference.

Her brother once became

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/24/2019:  08:13:28

a drone bee at the Halloween ball.

He got buzzed

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 07/24/2019:  09:07:34

by a crop duster, thinking he was Cary Grant.

It seems the pilot had

Bill Rogers - Posted - 07/24/2019:  11:00:02

rammed the ship into a rock ledge.

He had a sudden sinking feeling

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/24/2019:  11:22:01

that Davy Jones’ locker was a-waiting him.



A wet suit is useless

Edited by - chuckv97 on 07/24/2019 11:25:40

OM45GE - Posted - 07/25/2019:  03:36:08

if you don’t put it on.

Just be sure to

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 07/27/2019:  04:16:06

call your mom on Mother's Day.

If you forget, she might

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2019:  04:23:39

come back from the dead and haunt you.

My mother never

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2019:  09:14:07

acknowledged me on Son’s Day.

She’d just go on and on about her labor pains

OM45GE - Posted - 07/28/2019:  03:44:37

and how it was the hottest day of the year.

She specialized in guilt trips and

Bill Rogers - Posted - 07/28/2019:  21:09:31

bad cooking.



Her anchovy pasta

Edited by - Bill Rogers on 07/28/2019 21:10:05

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/28/2019:  21:24:04

wasn’t fit for man nor beast.

She couldn’t boil water

OM45GE - Posted - 07/29/2019:  03:16:54

but I believe her culinary ineptitude was deliberate.

I think she

Bill Rogers - Posted - 07/29/2019:  20:55:52

simply wanted to avoid being asked to cook.

But ask her to a nice restaurant, and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/29/2019:  21:46:27

she’d jump up and put on her high-heeled sneakers.

Dad would tag along

OM45GE - Posted - 07/30/2019:  03:25:08

clearly unhappy to be part of the proceedings.

He also didn’t want

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/30/2019:  04:06:32

a stranger horning in on his marriage.

He was Irish and didn't

OM45GE - Posted - 07/30/2019:  06:36:29

really care for the French cuisine his pretentious wife seemed to favor.

She called the waitstaff "mon cherie and mon cher" but mispronounced it so badly that

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/30/2019:  07:31:00

loud guffaws were heard in the kitchen.

The garçon frowned

OM45GE - Posted - 07/30/2019:  11:26:00

when he realize she was about to call out to him.

He shuddered to think

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/02/2019:  03:13:39

that she would kiss him again.

He said,"I just got

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/02/2019:  03:37:42

halitosis - I’m off limits, sister!

Meanwhile, Agent 99 was

OM45GE - Posted - 08/02/2019:  03:51:31

waiting for Max to actually get smart.

She may have to

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/03/2019:  04:08:22

slap Max a time or two.

He is the worlds worst for

OM45GE - Posted - 08/03/2019:  04:40:26

missing the obvious.

It can be frustrating

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/03/2019:  04:59:06

being a gumshoe covering the waterfront.

Years go by

OM45GE - Posted - 08/03/2019:  05:40:05

with nothing but drunks, rats and women of ill repute.

Then , suddenly, a large

Rossanne - Posted - 08/03/2019:  11:55:25

..flying saucer sets down nearby, being hops from its ladder in space talk he YELLS !..GOBBLYDEE GOOK DUNNKLAK!...

This will be difficult to follow on...unless...

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/03/2019:  12:06:03

you have an alien thesaurus handy.

Personally, I like smoke signals

Rossanne - Posted - 08/03/2019:  12:14:31

..smoking heavily and speaking slowly the being became more welcoming..

he said, do you know where we can locate...

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 08/03/2019:  12:38:30

A vape machine that blows smoke rings?

To hear such news sent the entire

OM45GE - Posted - 08/04/2019:  04:42:41

planet into a tizzy and Juul stocks soaring.

Then people realized the aliens were actually

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/04/2019:  07:51:09

tampering with the NY Stock Exchange.

Mad stampedes

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 08/04/2019:  08:55:09

of bulls and bears rampaged down Wall St.

In the melee of claws and horns

Rossanne - Posted - 08/04/2019:  14:27:04

..rode Sheriff deputy Dawg looky here yous guys,,..them bonds is all I'm takin'..


you can...

OM45GE - Posted - 08/04/2019:  15:55:13

keep the e-cigarettes, only a fool would use them.

We prefer

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/04/2019:  17:58:35

blondes, because we’re gentlemen.

Blind dates are overrated

OM45GE - Posted - 08/05/2019:  03:19:16

because you end up picking up seeing eye dog poop.

Sometimes the dog

J e f f - Posted - 08/05/2019:  14:56:30

is well trained and picks up his poop and puts it in a pink poop bag.

My dog, on the other hand, is so dumb that