banjoscotty - Posted - 03/10/2018:  04:15:40

a person who should be institutionalized..

His mind is not only warped,it is also

OM45GE - Posted - 03/10/2018:  04:47:39

completely saturated with hallucinogenic drugs.

There's no way they can

J e f f - Posted - 03/10/2018:  06:27:56

wash their underwear in time for the big shindig.

This year the big shindig will be

OM45GE - Posted - 03/10/2018:  06:52:05

even bigger than last year's big shindig when seven people showed up.

We're hoping

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/10/2018:  08:41:32

everyone is wearing their clamdiggers.

Those beachside shindigs

OM45GE - Posted - 03/10/2018:  11:30:29

have been pretty wild affairs in the past.

I remember the time

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/11/2018:  15:04:28

my Woody station wagon was filled with half-clothed women from the nearby car wash.

They lathered me up

OM45GE - Posted - 03/11/2018:  16:38:55

and were getting ready to make sure I was a truly happy man when the police showed up.



It only took them a moment to

Edited by - OM45GE on 03/11/2018 16:39:07

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/12/2018:  07:45:27

convince the women to lather them up also.

If you've never been lathered then have

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/12/2018:  09:50:51

you’ve never had a close shave with the law. (Ouch)

Sgt. O’Hara’s wife shaves his back

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/12/2018:  15:06:18

and his chest with a straight razor.

He says he doesn't mind because

OM45GE - Posted - 03/13/2018:  04:27:44

he is tired of being mistaken for a bonobo and secretly likes the pain.

Sometimes he will

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/13/2018:  05:32:58

give his wife a trim job.

Always get permission before

OM45GE - Posted - 03/13/2018:  06:52:22

actually starting a trim job.

If you don't, you shouldn't be surprised if

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/13/2018:  10:33:07

she leaves town after emptying out the bank account.

I trimmed a gal’s wick once

OM45GE - Posted - 03/13/2018:  11:15:10

and she said I was burning the candle at both ends and was now officially an ex-flame of hers.

I don't know what went

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/13/2018:  13:53:15

first; the love lust or the fire going out.

I had a pig roast last fall

OM45GE - Posted - 03/13/2018:  18:58:08

which went well once the pig stopped squealing and thrashing around.

Of course, none of the guests stuck around long enough to

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/13/2018:  20:23:33

partake of the burnt bacon.

UnfortunatelyI fell asleep

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/14/2018:  02:58:38

while my girlfriend was "hamming" it up with the band members..

But I woke up just in time to see

OM45GE - Posted - 03/14/2018:  05:18:15

her climbing onto the back of my best friends Vincent Black Shadow.

As he tore out of the driveway, I heard her shout,

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/14/2018:  05:50:17

NO!,,NOT YET!,,keep both hands on the handlebars.

Then they were out

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/14/2018:  06:39:37

of sight in a flash, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

The next phase of my life is on the horizon

OM45GE - Posted - 03/14/2018:  07:25:06

which, unfortunately, seems a very long ways away.

I'm hoping that's just an optical illusion, but in case it's not, I'm

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/15/2018:  23:04:18

gonna drive cab til my ship comes in.

Driving home drunks at 2am

OM45GE - Posted - 03/16/2018:  10:27:25

is an enlightening experience.

It's amazing how many ways

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/17/2018:  22:20:46

they can throw up and soil the back seat upholstery.

One drunken dame

OM45GE - Posted - 03/19/2018:  06:55:18

can undo years of careful car care.

They seem to know instinctively how

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/19/2018:  12:48:18

to hit a tree to cause much damage.

One time a woman drove a semi truck all the

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/19/2018:  12:55:02

way over Niagara Falls.

She called for help on the CB

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/20/2018:  03:03:45

Superman showed up just in time.

Lois Lane and Jimmy got there and started

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/20/2018:  06:27:54

taking pictures and interviewing this dame.

She just clamped her mouth shut

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/21/2018:  02:17:26

and glared at them.

Jimmy said,,The heck with this Lois,,let's go to your place and

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2018:  06:25:45

snog the afternoon away.

Lois was in a lusty mood and quickly

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2018:  06:42:26

bought a few items at the adult sex toy shop.

When Jimmy saw those

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2018:  10:36:40

he started babbling with excitement.

He was sure

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2018:  04:36:49

Lois bought them for their night time hijinks.

But no,

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2018:  07:49:07

she was looking forward to her date that evening with Clark.

When Jimmy found out, he

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2018:  07:57:03

phoned Bailey,then Bailey called Richard, who emailed Bill, and of course the plot thickened.

Never let the truth ruin a good story

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2018:  11:09:12

and if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS.

Also, never take advice from

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2018:  11:31:02

a hobo carrying a banjo case.

He will go on and on

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2018:  12:15:03

about head tension, string gauges, railroad spikes and all sorts of other arcane minutia guaranteed to cure the worst insomnia.

Just hope he doesn't start

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2018:  13:59:46

fretting about these things

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2018:  14:17:38

which may distract his attention from which game he is posting even if the pun was humorous.

Plays on words won't

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2018:  15:30:39

garner you any Nobel Prizes, but it might impress Swedish warlords.

I traveled to mini-soda to see some Vikings

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2018:  18:10:35

but everyone was engrossed in a football game.

I don't care for American Football so I

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/23/2018:  07:06:15

subscribe to a Canadian Football League TV channel.

I enjoy 3 downs and -20 degree temps

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2018:  07:09:27

and the food is better at the concession stands.

The only thing I don't like is

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/23/2018:  07:37:09

the Tim Hortons time out after every play.

Dutchies and French crullers