banjoscotty - Posted - 01/20/2018:  02:55:49

the sun was hot.

Leo even wore that ball cap to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/20/2018:  03:54:21

his mother’s funeral which caused other mourners to glare disapprovingly.

They didn’t

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/20/2018:  06:07:48

understand the deep emotional ties Leo had with his baseball career, such as it was.



Fergie Jenkins said he had to endure both Leo the Lip and Billy Martin

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/20/2018 06:08:17

OM45GE - Posted - 01/20/2018:  11:15:02

and what many believe was a phony drug bust.

However, his pitching record

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2018:  09:20:47

wasn’t phony so he soldiered on with a ruined reputation.

The bleacher bums, however,

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/22/2018:  12:51:57

had no place to sit.

Only then did they require

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2018:  13:29:13

an usher to sort things out.

He ended up throwing

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2018:  13:33:34

the ceremonial first pitch wild, hitting the team owner’s wife in the schnoz.

That put him

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/22/2018:  14:50:09

You should'a seen what a commotion that caused.

Then they all ordered hotdogs and

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2018:  18:28:08

painkillers for the high class lady.

Her broken beak was over on the left

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2018:  03:13:12

side of the stadium.

But she endured the situation and

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2018:  05:14:09

said, "I've had to develop a high pain tolerance living with him."

Everyone wondered

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2018:  06:19:34

just how much tolerance that might be.

If it's more that 12mg four times a day it might be

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2018:  08:09:56

time to see a pain specialist.

They are good at

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/23/2018 08:10:29

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2018:  08:52:37

administering more pain to other body parts so that you forget about the original injury.

I’m glad I kicked

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2018:  13:27:04

the pain habit because the S&M Club dues had gotten excessive.

They really made it hurt when

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/24/2018:  03:24:19

they nominated Billy Carter for office of treasurer.

But when he sold that load of wheat to

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/24/2018:  05:14:41

the Commies the masochist wing of the club tied him to the roof of a ‘52 Studebaker.

Then they tore up and down

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2018:  05:22:02

the Bonneville Salt Flats during a salt storm.

When they were done, he

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/27/2018:  08:10:45

picked up a banjo and sang the “Salty Dog Blues”.



But his skin had wrinkled

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/27/2018 08:11:00

OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2018:  09:54:48

so badly that he looked like a crocodile with arms.

Fortunately, a movie production crew was

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/27/2018:  14:53:58

filming a building demolition.

So they set some explosive charges at the

OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2018:  16:45:49

entrance to the park and told whoever was within earshot to stand back.

Unfortunately, they didn't say it very loudly so

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/27/2018:  21:47:19

the jogging octogenarians had their hearing aids blown up.

So they decided to sabatoge

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/28/2018:  02:25:43

the park's gazebo..

All went well till Clancy the cop

OM45GE - Posted - 01/28/2018:  15:40:39

arrived with reinforcements.

The octogenarians were

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/28/2018:  16:14:45

a lot older when they got out of prison.

Some even died upon exit

OM45GE - Posted - 01/29/2018:  07:28:57

because the shock of freedom was too much for their pacemakers.

Still others immediately started

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/29/2018:  14:28:04

jogging down the road singing "Here I go down the wrong road again"

but others sang that old song about

Edited by - banjoscotty on 01/29/2018 14:28:57

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/29/2018:  14:55:53

“Six More Miles to the Graveyard”.

They stopped in at Sam Drucker’s hardware

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/30/2018:  01:42:18

and bought a shovel.

They told the cashier that it was for

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2018:  05:34:55

leaning on while they worked for the DPW.

The cashier didn't

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2018:  06:15:41

charge any sales tax , being a gullible sort with a soft heart.

Sam hired her

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2018:  06:38:12

because he owed her father a favor.

He wasn't happy about it, but things turned out

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/30/2018:  08:54:07

good for them both.

Which makes one think that it should

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2018:  09:19:37

take a few more weeks before you’ll see Sam with a goose egg on his melon.

Some gals can wield a cast iron frying pan

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2018:  11:04:30

like it was a flyswatter.

The last time my wife hit me with one, I

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/31/2018:  03:38:46

found out where Kingdom Come was.

The moral of the frying pan story is

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2018:  08:35:02

don’t come home a-drinkin’ with lovin’ on your mind.

Yesterday I was wandering around in WalMart

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2018:  13:21:24

when I saw a man steal a woman's purse.

He made a run for it and I

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2018:  13:49:47

managed to tackle him in the women’s undergarment section.



Unfortunately we slid through the curtain and into the changing room

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/31/2018 13:51:45

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2018:  14:20:41

where we were both promptly arrested.

We were charged with

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2018:  14:29:31

violating edicts from the “MeToo” movement.

The judge,ironically, happened to be a transvestite

OM45GE - Posted - 02/01/2018:  05:07:11

which caused the more juvenile folks present to snicker when the bailiff called out "All rise."

This clearly angered the judge, who

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/01/2018:  05:20:55

banged .....err...her/his gavel loudly and forcefully to command attention and respect.



But her/his dress got caught

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/01/2018 05:21:18

OM45GE - Posted - 02/01/2018:  05:24:05

on the recliner lever on the chair and he/she/it all tumbled to the floor with a crash, a whimper and a puff of talcum powder.

The bailiff quickly

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/02/2018:  11:47:39

threw his coat over the judge to hide her secret life accessories.

The last time I was arrested

OM45GE - Posted - 02/02/2018:  13:20:22

it was a case of mistaken identity.



I made the mistake of pretending to be

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/02/2018 13:20:55

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/02/2018:  13:37:15

Black Jack Shellac from Trois Rivieres.

Unbeknownst to me, his rap sheet