OM45GE - Posted - 11/25/2016:  17:43:31

to come back after bathing. 

The mayor didn't want 

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/26/2016:  02:58:40

a complete bath so he went to foot washing down the street.

He does know the difference between

OM45GE - Posted - 11/26/2016:  04:47:39

alligators and crocodiles. 

Unfortunately, he has to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/26/2016:  07:15:02

reach in and check their teeth for scraps of human tissue.

A sedative would come in handy

Forrest - Posted - 11/26/2016:  16:15:47

as the Mayor is clearly suffering from PTSD after being assaulted by the fecal fountain.

The hardest part of it is

OM45GE - Posted - 11/26/2016:  16:36:28

the mayor suffers from chronic constipation and can't remember the last time he enjoyed a good movement. 

It's a sort of double indignity 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/26/2016:  16:41:45

to be verklempt and then get slapped in the face with someone else's loose "laissez-faire".

Other languages can be

OM45GE - Posted - 11/26/2016:  18:43:22

difficult to learn because they have a different word for everything. 

Some of them even have

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/27/2016:  03:24:17

kluk-a-la-makas in them.

But don't worry about

OM45GE - Posted - 11/27/2016:  03:27:27

learning every word, even native speakers don't know them all. 

It's very difficult 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/27/2016:  07:57:42

to get any respect in my neighbourhood, where all the birds sing bass.

Many people think I'm an undercover

OM45GE - Posted - 11/27/2016:  08:29:01

inspector for the Ladies Undergarment Fitment Bureau. 

In fact, I am  

Forrest - Posted - 11/27/2016:  10:31:04

a fancier of fine women's underwear, collecting a wide variety of styles and colors in an XL that just happens to be my size.

The hardest thing about wearing a thong is 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/27/2016:  11:47:23

the dirty looks I get at the beach.

Lifeguards look the other way

OM45GE - Posted - 11/27/2016:  12:55:45

but beach goers seem to take exception. 

In my opinion, they are 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/27/2016:  20:59:04

just beach bums, showing no respect for artistic fashion statements.

Meanwhile, back at the library

OM45GE - Posted - 11/28/2016:  02:47:15

the petite librarian was contemplating breast augmentation surgery so she could say she was stacked in the stacks. 

She knew it wasn't politically correct, but

Forrest - Posted - 11/28/2016:  07:07:49

she didn't give a tittle about offending anyone as she kept abreast with the conversation so as not to make a boob of herself.

Marian (the librarian) was known for more than her

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/28/2016:  08:46:48

curvaceous attributes, however distracting they are.

Her soft whisper

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/28/2016 08:47:05

Forrest - Posted - 11/28/2016:  09:01:29

was enough to make the most hardened fellow stiffen in his tracks. 

Her doe-like eyes could melt

OM45GE - Posted - 11/28/2016:  11:15:55

the firmest resistance a man could bring to bear.

She leaves them

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/28/2016:  11:38:03

blinking their head and shaking their eyes

After that it's anyone's guess what

Forrest - Posted - 11/28/2016:  13:22:39

will happen between consenting adults when the lights go out and the spirit is willing.

One thing that you'll never overhear is

OM45GE - Posted - 11/28/2016:  13:42:09

the sound of silence.

By definition, it is

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/28/2016:  14:56:21

the sound of one hand clapping, often "heard" in the concert hall after Schubert's Unfinished Symphony.

The deaf maestro is 

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/29/2016:  03:04:25

wondering why he never hears the music..

All of the band members want

OM45GE - Posted - 11/29/2016:  03:33:06

him to get hearing aids but he's far too vain to wear them.  

I guess he would rather 

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/29/2016:  05:42:12

not hear them. (know what I mean)?

Those of us who wear hearing aids are prone to

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/29/2016:  05:56:07

periods of intense tinnitus, mixed in with ominous messages from outer space.

The only cure is

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/29/2016:  08:21:35

to start singing very loud.

That doesn't always work but it

Forrest - Posted - 11/29/2016:  09:12:22

definitely helps keep ones personal space in crowded areas. 

The singing out loud combined with

OM45GE - Posted - 11/29/2016:  11:02:05

frequent and odiferous flatulence will give you enough space for a soccer match.

If you stop bathing as well, you could

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/29/2016:  11:45:55

end up mumbling, expectorating, and grunting with the 'bos at the freight yards.

Traveling on $1.50 per day

OM45GE - Posted - 11/29/2016:  13:36:52

isn't easy but I think I've figured out a way.

First, I

Forrest - Posted - 11/29/2016:  13:47:47

eat only beans and rice and I only sleep in abandoned buildings.

I'm having a hard time forming relationships

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/29/2016:  13:53:37

won't get you very far.

But you can always

Forrest - Posted - 11/29/2016:  13:55:32

grow your hair out, start dressing shabbily and hit the stop light begging circuit.

The best con for making the most money is

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/29/2016:  14:37:08

playing the Beverly Hillbillies theme on banjo in front of the Sally Ann kettle.

Bribing the kettle-keeper

OM45GE - Posted - 11/29/2016:  18:27:35

could help get you a space on the sidewalk. 

If that doesn't work, try

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/30/2016:  02:30:35

taking all your clothes off and yelling that you are Trumps off-spring.

The media will go

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2016:  03:30:47

crazy trying to outdo one another getting the story behind the story. 

By the time they figure out you are the crazy one,

Edited by - OM45GE on 11/30/2016 03:31:23

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2016:  05:39:32

they'll confiscate your banjo and banish you to Accordion City, where life is tough.

Many polka bands

Forrest - Posted - 11/30/2016:  05:46:34

select band members from Accordion City, Banjo Alley and the like because they like the insanity that brings to what could otherwise be insanely boring music.

A little known fact about polka bands is

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2016:  07:42:34

aliens have landed on earth many times looking for experimental subjects but they avoid members of polka bands completely.

No one knows why

Forrest - Posted - 11/30/2016:  09:01:36

, although this could be a sign that the aliens have decent taste in music.

This makes one wonder what would happen if 

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2016:  09:03:05

liederhosen and feathered fedoras are alien repellants, but who am I to question their wisdom.

Perhaps Swiss yodelling will be my next challenge

Forrest - Posted - 11/30/2016:  09:45:24

that combined with the alpine horn and cowbell and I'll be fighting off the ladies with a stick.

The real chick magnet is

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2016:  10:54:34

a puppy.

Just take a puppy for a walk and watch

Forrest - Posted - 11/30/2016:  11:08:37

the women pet your dog while you watch and grin like an idiot.

When that puppy grows up, you take it back to the pound and