OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2017:  06:53:32

to make that happen.

Usually you end up with far less and

Forrest - Posted - 01/27/2017:  09:29:20

lots of scars, tattoos and an addiction or two to show for the experience.

Unfortunately, her husband was seduced by

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/27/2017:  09:34:12

the lure of the road and spent his remaining days thumbing his way around the country.

She would send him pleading letters to "No Fixed Address"

Forrest - Posted - 01/27/2017:  09:36:25

containing explicit photos of herself in revealing positions. 

These letters were intercepted

OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2017:  11:13:50

and posted to the internet.

Now she has

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/27/2017:  11:28:11

had a sex change operation and moved to a small mountain village.

Saturday night dances

OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2017:  11:29:02

aren't the same around her without her.

Maybe I'll go

Forrest - Posted - 01/27/2017:  12:34:40

find a new partner without a set of bolt on gonads and a beard.

My search for love 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/27/2017:  13:43:48

has been in all the wrong places with the results you might expect.

I seem to attract the truly

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/27/2017:  15:35:51

unhinged types, as if my romance magnet is negative polarity.

My Pop always told me to stay away

OM45GE - Posted - 01/28/2017:  03:55:08

women who remind me of my mother. 

Unfortunately, that includes 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/28/2017:  20:45:41

all my sisters and their loud-mouthed friends.

What I really need

Forrest - Posted - 01/29/2017:  04:32:00

is a woman just like my dear old dad, minus the love of NASCAR and snuff addiction. 

The hardest part of meeting women

OM45GE - Posted - 01/29/2017:  12:08:36

is getting them to stop yelling "Get away from me you creep" at the top of their lungs. 

It makes it difficult to

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/29/2017:  16:01:32

skulk around back alleys with my Alice Cooper disguise.

I'm running low on lipstick

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/29/2017:  16:28:07

and can't find the shade I like.

The other evening the neighbor lady come knocking on my door and

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2017:  02:46:49

accused me of rummaging around in her trash. 

I said it was a coincidence that we both had

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/30/2017:  03:10:54

empty black label scotch bottles.

She said she had a full one if

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2017:  03:38:21

I'm had not stolen it. 

Why she thought 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2017:  08:10:32

I was the thieving kind is beyond me.

I only wear my Beagle Boy disguise

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2017:  11:13:12

so I can sneak in to movie theaters.

The last movie I saw

Forrest - Posted - 01/30/2017:  12:09:28

was a tragic romance, where the female lead developed a taste for human flesh and an addiction to over the counter diet pills.

The movie was 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2017:  12:26:36

curtailed when wild unruly protesters entered the lobby shouting "Slim women lives matter".

Wolfing down copious quantities of raw red meat

Forrest - Posted - 01/30/2017:  12:30:24

, especially that of the human variety was a little hard for many viewers to stomach.

Box office sales 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2017:  12:40:24

started out slow and then petered out to nothing.

The film was not nominated for

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2017:  12:42:23

an Oscar Meyer award, despite the prominent role raw meat played.

Wieners and franks

Forrest - Posted - 01/30/2017:  12:42:29

any of the conventional awards, although it did win a "Pukie Award" based on the sheer number of episodes of projectile vomiting reported by viewers.

Oddly enough, this

OM45GE - Posted - 01/30/2017:  12:43:27

didn't prevent the distributors from making a fortune in over seas sales.

The think it

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/30/2017:  14:17:01

was due to the translation that softened the ugly parts.

Many an ugly part

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/30/2017:  14:32:29

were exposed during that translation.

But that didn't stop them from

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2017:  02:58:22

trying to sugar coat the message. 

It would take a lot

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/31/2017:  04:00:51

of sugar to coat it.

None the less,they just kept

Forrest - Posted - 01/31/2017:  07:10:26

the car chases and gratuitous sex scenes when the cut out the cannibalism and human sacrifice parts. 

There was talk of a sequel 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2017:  09:19:44

but the talk was squelched by new talks concerning Sasquatch alerts.

"Saddle up, you mangy saddletramps!" shouted the

Forrest - Posted - 01/31/2017:  09:29:13

salty, yet seasoned Sergeant signaling his troops.

"That sassy Sasquatch

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2017:  12:11:41

just received a package from Victoria Secrets and there's no telling what he's planning."

I've got my camera ready

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2017:  12:43:27

for snapping a few shots to post on the Bigfoot and Loch Ness Forum."

Ten hours of crouching behind cattails

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/31/2017:  13:30:29

finally paid off and I found a cat.

This cat doesn't like me so

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2017:  14:18:10

I'm probably going to either let it go or cook it for dinner.

Cat tastes like

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2017:  14:57:01

Chinese food without the phoo young.

Last year I took a slow boat to

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2017:  15:05:07

China and haven't returned yet.

I'm not sure if I'm dead or alive but am hopeful

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/31/2017:  16:34:15

that it's one of them.

When I find out which one it is I'll

Forrest - Posted - 01/31/2017:  17:53:03

finally corner that perverted Sasquatch and he'll get what's coming to him.

Sasquatch romances usually

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2017:  20:38:56

involve sitting at the old piano and singing "Your Feets Too Big".

But size 22's are not enough to save 

Edited by - chuckv97 on 01/31/2017 20:39:51

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/01/2017:  07:40:09

the boxes for Christmas presents.

But the size 22's are

OM45GE - Posted - 02/01/2017:  13:53:51

a little tight on my girlfriend.

She really should be wearing

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/01/2017:  15:59:45

a 38D but what do I know about undergarments ...I rarely wear'em.

My old flame burned her brassiere

OM45GE - Posted - 02/01/2017:  16:03:16

and set off the fire alarm. 

When the fire department arrived,

Forrest - Posted - 02/01/2017:  17:31:20

they were able to use one of her brassieres as a safety net to catch the upstairs neighbors as they kept to safety  

Her nickname was