banjoscotty - Posted - 03/19/2017:  11:36:40

simmer down and relax for a while.

Then maybe he can

OM45GE - Posted - 03/19/2017:  11:45:05

have a civilized conversation like a normal human being.

On the other hand, he's not particularly

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/19/2017:  11:47:08

normal ,in the colloquial sense of the word.

For instance, Karl often

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/19/2017:  14:03:43

shoots the neighbor's porch lights out.

One time last halloween he climbed

OM45GE - Posted - 03/19/2017:  15:55:25

the big elm tree in front of their hows wearing nothing but a big smile.

When the police arrived

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/19/2017:  16:52:46

they sent the robot with pepper spray up as a persuader.

Karl had a pepper phobia

OM45GE - Posted - 03/20/2017:  02:25:45

caused by endless repetition of "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers".

Karl couldn't care less how many 

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/20/2017:  07:38:54

robots they sent.

He was doing his own thing so

Forrest - Posted - 03/20/2017:  09:26:58

long as no one with a sling shot and a bag of jalapenos came by to take him out.

Karl was shocked when

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/20/2017:  10:12:02

a high tension electrical cable came crashing down on the tree.

Never before had he

OM45GE - Posted - 03/20/2017:  11:15:04

experienced such an electrifying moment that didn't involve a German Sheppard, a plastic tarp and several gallons of cooking oil.

He didn't like people making fun of his

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/20/2017:  11:24:35

homemade slingshot.

But he gathered his wits and

OM45GE - Posted - 03/20/2017:  11:26:08

realized that it was a very small pile of wits indeed.

He decided not to worry about it and

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/20/2017:  13:28:26

stormed off back to his Kathouse, where soothing feminine whispers comforted him.

But an axe smashed through his den door

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/20/2017:  17:21:31

and a very troubled looking woman stormed into the room.

Karl took one look at her twisted face and

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2017:  03:24:41

made a dash for the back door. 

However, he was a little too slow and 

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/21/2017:  03:44:41

she tackled him on the kitchen yard line.

Karl's right hand came to rest on her

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2017:  05:59:37

artificial eyelashes which resembled black spiders from deepest Africa.

So she lashed him to Floyd's barber pole

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/21/2017:  06:58:18

and proceed to give him lessons on pole dancing.

Karl didn't take to that very well so he

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2017:  09:07:10

decided to take up fishing instead.

His first attempt ended badly when

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2017:  10:44:13

he caught knee-moan-eeyah and staggered home deflated.



His cigarette smoking

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/21/2017 10:44:35

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2017:  10:45:15

exacerbated the pneumonia symptoms, but he didn't seem to care.

He may have been

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/21/2017:  10:52:26

dead on his feet.

Anyway,the Dr. came and said;

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2017:  11:22:21

I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?

Karl replied, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/21/2017:  12:19:35

the bad news is I didn't catch any fish.The good news is I didn't have to carry them home.

The Dr.just shook his head and

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2017:  12:24:02

gave him a shot in the rump, offered him ten painkillers and some Lucky Strikes, and told him to beat it.



Meanwhile, back at the Kathouse

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/21/2017 12:25:14

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/21/2017:  14:03:32

everything was topsy turvy.

One of the Kats said

OM45GE - Posted - 03/21/2017:  14:44:37

he was happy to say he had been adopted.

"That gene pool is shallow and polluted, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/21/2017:  15:46:12

and the loose jeans threads clog up the circulation system.

Karl's wife lollygags in her duties

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2017:  02:50:50

with the dishes piling up and dust kittens the size of Saint Bernards. 

Nobody visits

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/22/2017:  03:48:40

them anymore for fear of being buried alive in their living room.

They eat out all the time because

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2017:  05:32:25

they haven't been able to dig their way into the kitchen for several years.

The last time they saw the dog

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/22/2017:  05:44:45

she ran away with Hootch.

But she came back and

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2017:  07:02:32

was covered in ticks and smelled like she'd rolled in something dreadful.

That was

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2017:  07:47:10

when the SPCA entered the picture and took the dog to the pound.

Krazy Karl often stood outside the pound late at night

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2017:  08:16:15

and howled like a coyote in heat.

That caused the 

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/22/2017:  08:58:14

SPCA to lock him up also.

But he was rescued by

Forrest - Posted - 03/22/2017:  16:10:25

a crazy lady who also owned 14 cats and lived by herself.

Karl quickly found that

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2017:  16:29:33

life in a dog pound is not the worst fate a man could have.

Karl, though, was still trying to be a man

Forrest - Posted - 03/22/2017:  17:08:13

so he offered to fill whatever feminine needs his rescuer might have for him to fill.

The job required

Edited by - Forrest on 03/22/2017 17:08:40

OM45GE - Posted - 03/22/2017:  17:51:23

intestinal fortitude and an ability to disassociate oneself from reality.

That's because

Forrest - Posted - 03/22/2017:  17:57:00

Crazy Cat Lady appeared to be smuggling a chinchilla between her thighs. 

Karl had to muster

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/22/2017:  18:24:04

his utmost mental strength to enter those hallowed, yet dangerous, fissures.



"Chin-chill-as", he told himself," are mere

 

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/22/2017 18:25:21

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2017:  02:50:47

rodents from South America although why that should reassure me I don't know. 

This isn't likely to end well because 

Forrest - Posted - 03/23/2017:  11:01:19

Karl was allergic to rodent dander and the size of that pile of fluff was sure to spell anaphylaxis.

Karl fortified his fortitude with

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/23/2017:  11:08:12

fortified sherry from a skidrow boozecan, where he was known to run a tab.

Meanwhile, the Crazy Cat Lady

OM45GE - Posted - 03/23/2017:  14:19:14

had been revealed to be the long lost Tsarina Anastasia.

She knew her ruse had been discovered when

Forrest - Posted - 03/24/2017:  08:30:49

someone found 20 year old pictures from Penthouse featuring her in the buff.

It didn't take a detective

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/24/2017:  13:06:44

, nor a gumshoe for that matter, to track her down at the corner bar.

Her table dancing

An old slang term for a detective or investigator (police-affiliated or private).

"Variants include "dick" or "private dick," the connotations of which were not meant to be obscene. 

Shoes in the late 1800s were made of gum rubber - the soft-soled precursors of the modern sneaker. The phrase "to gumshoe" meant to sneak around quietly as if wearing gumshoes. 



"Gumshoe man" was originally slang for "thief," but by about 1908 the term "gumshoe" was used to refer to a police detective, and the term has stuck ever since (pun intended).

Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/24/2017 13:09:56