banjoscotty - Posted - 03/04/2015:  08:41:08

by the Red Lobster restaurant.

But seafood is seafood as long as

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/04/2015:  10:22:25

you eat it with a pinched nose and avoid the artificial crab legs.

A crab with a wooden leg

OM45GE - Posted - 03/05/2015:  06:15:23

doesn't think it is funny when you call it "Peg". 

Crabs don't really have a good

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/05/2015:  16:17:21

record for playing basketball.

Crabs make good fish bait but

jistgreg - Posted - 03/05/2015:  19:15:56

the fish bait company doesn't even pay them minimum wage. 

Organized labor -- or organised labour -- 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/05/2015:  21:47:08

was on its way out when Jimmy Hoffa got unceremoniously dumped into the Detroit (Des Troit) River wearing cement shoes, or sew the gory stoes.

Motown has never

OM45GE - Posted - 03/06/2015:  03:55:32

been able to find Hoffa's body and, frankly, prefer to believe he's not really there at all. 

Cold case buffs believe Hoffa was

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/06/2015:  08:04:48

still tied to his Mama's apron strings.

But I don't know,,It's one of those things that

jistgreg - Posted - 03/06/2015:  09:06:53

is just implausible enough to be true. 

Another urban legend 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/06/2015:  09:46:52

is the many Washington society types wear turbans to secretive toga parties.

The Potomac

OM45GE - Posted - 03/06/2015:  17:51:28

used to be a fetid swampy stream. 

Now it is

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/07/2015:  08:25:34

filled with silver dollars from folks trying to throw them across the river.

A beachcomber

OM45GE - Posted - 03/07/2015:  09:33:37

happened upon the scene and could not believe his eyes. 

There were a hundred people just

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/08/2015:  13:37:42

ready to pounce on him.

But he slipped away into the

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/08/2015:  14:32:14

darkened back alleys ,with a horde of cats on his trail.

It seems his hip waders

jistgreg - Posted - 03/08/2015:  19:05:43

were full of water -- and silver dollars, rubbing together with the sound of an electric can opener. 

Using a technique for herding lemmings 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/09/2015:  03:55:53

he learned from a wise old lemming herder turned out to be much more difficult than he had anticipated.  

For one thing, the lemmings kept

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/09/2015:  04:31:30

impersonating cats, known for their abhorrence of being herded.

"Over the cliff we go!" ,shouted the

OM45GE - Posted - 03/09/2015:  05:58:56

lemming leader as he launched himself enthusiastically off the cliff. 

Imagine his surprise when the other lemmings

jistgreg - Posted - 03/09/2015:  09:37:48

watched his descent with bemusement (and some with amusement), then adjourned to the local café for coffee and scones. 

When shown a scone, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/09/2015:  10:35:33

Shona scolded the soda jerk since she had requested a cone.

However, the jerk had a tic

OM45GE - Posted - 03/09/2015:  17:00:11

and wasn't about to let her berate him for a one letter error. 

He took his spatula and

jistgreg - Posted - 03/09/2015:  23:10:20

with one blow killed seven flies on her table, right before her eyes. 

"Usually I kills the eyes before the flies," he 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/10/2015:  03:43:44

told her without a hint of irony. 

I like to do my deeds alphabetically but that's not always

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/10/2015:  04:43:13

possible when using a spatula.

what I need is a can of

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/10/2015:  05:04:16

aerosol containing RAID - it not only kills flies, but also keeps the alphabet police outta this joint.

Last night they

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/10/2015:  06:00:29

raided this joint and killed most of the flies.

Then they went to the outhouse and

jistgreg - Posted - 03/10/2015:  13:13:50

used both storeys. 

The guys on the ground floor were surprised 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/10/2015:  15:13:25

at what they guys above had been eating. 

The real problem was

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/10/2015:  17:27:18

the broken conveyor belt that ran from the ground floor hole to the roof.

Joe the plumber

jistgreg - Posted - 03/10/2015:  19:55:03

whose name was not Joe and who was not licensed to be a plumber, decided to take a whack at it anyway. 

"Who do you think you are, Mauritz Escher?" shouted 

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/11/2015:  06:46:48

the plumber as the first "splash" smacked him in the face.

WHUUEEE!,,I'm outta here he said as

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/11/2015:  11:30:58

he and his partner ran out like a terd of hurdles.

Demolition experts

jistgreg - Posted - 03/11/2015:  13:59:29

from Connecticut arrived by train, bearing gifts of dynamite, nitroglycerin, TNT and lots and lots of C4. 

What their intentions were, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/12/2015:  04:19:59

nobody knows,but it sure wasn't to pacify the bloodthirsty maniacs at the cockfights.

When the cock crows thrice

OM45GE - Posted - 03/12/2015:  04:56:04

it can be really annoying, especially at 3:00 AM. 

That is why I've gone around the neighborhood and

jistgreg - Posted - 03/12/2015:  10:27:19

coldcocked all the cocks I could find. 

There weren't as many as I expected, but 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/12/2015:  12:30:15

the positive impact of a cock free neighborhood had a wonderfully positive effect on my sleep. 

Now, instead of 

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/12/2015:  13:02:47

worrying about my teenage daughter, I only worry about getting coldcocked myself.

My poor long suffering wife

OM45GE - Posted - 03/12/2015:  15:05:41

regularly threatens to coldcock me but so far she hasn't done it. 

I can't relax though because

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/12/2015:  15:53:34

I know that she is capable and will carry out the threat.

It's only a matter of time untill

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/12/2015:  17:04:35

I'm destitute, with a broken jaw, waiting at the freight yards for the next train to Bakersfield.

Too many freight hoppers

OM45GE - Posted - 03/12/2015:  17:48:17

have similar stories involving a woman with little tolerance for foolishness and a mean left hook. 

It has been said that

jistgreg - Posted - 03/12/2015:  18:10:07

"Music hath charm to soothe the savage breast." 

But it took so long to tune up 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/12/2015:  18:28:18

the vintage banjos that the savage beast had torn them all asunder before they could start playing. 

It was one more bit of evidence that banjo players are

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/12/2015:  18:40:15

a doomed lot, subject to a life of frustration and bad pitches.

Banjoists, however, like highballs

jistgreg - Posted - 03/12/2015:  19:37:01

are alcoholic, and also, not unlike highballs, have little umbrellas (or tinfoil hats) on top. 

But pickers are generally not as wet 

OM45GE - Posted - 03/13/2015:  02:49:57

as an angry hen.

Which we all know is

banjoscotty - Posted - 03/13/2015:  03:40:14

where some wives get their attitude.

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