OM45GE - Posted - 09/22/2022:  02:50:28

stole a Thames River tugboat remains a mystery.

He claims

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/22/2022:  03:35:47

he’s wrestled crocodiles and eaten poisonous snakes raw.

He’s never

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/22/2022:  09:22:20

taken a wife due to his “condition” brought about by being boiled in a pot in the Congo.

He narrowly escaped that ordeal

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/22/2022:  10:36:44

only to be thrown into a vat of piranhas.

He was lucky as

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/22/2022:  12:00:38

-corbic acid was on sale at the Vitamin Shoppe.

His vitamin C

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/22/2022:  12:52:24

count was south of -3.

He’s hated oranges ever since

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/22/2022:  13:57:57

he ate a rotten one as a youth, subsequently puking a citric acid slurry from his mouth and nose.



I suppose

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 09/22/2022 14:01:15

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/22/2022:  14:42:09

that's better than eating roadkill night after night.

Sometimes the BHO crew

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/22/2022:  14:59:16

fall asleep on the job.

No one corrects faulty tabs

OM45GE - Posted - 09/22/2022:  17:41:20

but that may because they do realize they’re faulty.

On the other hand,

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/22/2022:  21:18:20

my thumb pick is cutting off circulation.

It was made by my blacksmith friend Louie

OM45GE - Posted - 09/23/2022:  02:50:47

who wanted to make sure it wouldn’t slip off at an in opportune moment.

It weighs about

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/23/2022:  03:42:08

as much as a cast iron frying pan.

My fingerpicks

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/23/2022:  07:28:51

have worn down to a pale shadow of their former selves.

I keep them on when I’m playing my trumpet

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/24/2022:  16:36:24

because they are handy for turning the pages of my musical scores.

In the outhouse

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/24/2022:  18:23:02

one has to be very careful with the seat as it helps prevent splinters.

It was told that

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/24/2022:  19:32:30

a fine 1200 grit sandpaper will smooth the seat to a comfortable gloss.



But never use pieces of a broken wine bottle

Edited by - chuckv97 on 09/24/2022 19:33:27

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/25/2022:  09:06:15

as a substitute for your shaving razor.

I’ve heard

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/25/2022:  09:32:42

that all my life that you have to be careful.

One time

OM45GE - Posted - 09/26/2022:  04:23:02

I was carefully cleaning out the gutters when my wife yelled at me to be careful.

I was so startled that I

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/26/2022:  05:47:54

dropped my binoculars from the top of the ladder where I was spying on my topless neighbor.

It seems

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/26/2022:  06:35:49

she’s only topless when she knows I’m watching.

Her hubby Biff has shingles

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/26/2022:  10:25:47

on his unmentionable junk rendering him useless regarding conjugal duties.

I figure this is my

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/26/2022:  10:49:33

best chance of meeting her to have a fun filled evening.

She told me that

OM45GE - Posted - 09/26/2022:  13:12:36

I would have the most exciting evening of my life.

What she didn’t tell me was

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/26/2022:  13:16:09

about her collection of whips , shackles, and handcuffs.

By the time

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/26/2022:  14:16:03

she got me undressed I knew I was in for a treat.

What I failed to realize

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/26/2022:  15:38:35

until after she bound me to the bed, was that Biff was also in the buff and also interested in having a good time.

As the evening

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/26/2022:  18:10:28

progressed it occurred to me that I might be in trouble.

Luckily I woke up right before

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/26/2022:  21:57:03

they got out the gallon of Wesson oil.

I took iPhone photos

OM45GE - Posted - 09/27/2022:  02:35:54

which was odd because I don’t own an iPhone.

Even odder was

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/27/2022:  05:36:44

the fact that I was trussed to the headboard and couldn’t use my appendages.

When the doorbell rang

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/27/2022:  08:16:54

I yelled, “Come on in!”

It turned out to be JW’s

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/27/2022:  09:21:53

trying to convert me right there on the spot.

They tried to

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/27/2022:  11:32:08

convince me that my worthless soul might be spared if I gave them all of my money.

Finally

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/27/2022:  11:53:34

I convinced them to go to my neighbors house as he was a recent graduate from seminary.

He really enjoyed

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/27/2022:  13:25:05

jawing with the Jehovahs about their deleted Bible verses.

Many “Watchtower” magazines ended up in the outhouse

OM45GE - Posted - 09/27/2022:  14:23:18

replacing the discontinued Sears catalogue.

They weren’t quite as

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/27/2022:  16:07:16

handy as the sheets where so small compare to others.

This caused even more

OM45GE - Posted - 09/27/2022:  16:54:33

trips to the kitchen sink.

Several family members

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/27/2022:  17:12:35

complained to the clergy that things needed to change.

It changed alright, now

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/27/2022:  19:01:26

all the pews have been burned in a bonfire.

The crusty old Rev wants everyone to stay awake

OM45GE - Posted - 09/28/2022:  02:38:11

and figures that standing for his two hour sermons will do the trick.

It may also

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/28/2022:  05:42:00

promote a healthy heart and improved circulation as well as pulmonary benefits.

However, the smoking ban

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/28/2022:  09:48:15

is something that should be left to the congregation.

Some think

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/28/2022:  09:51:44

tobacco indulgence is a sacred right.

My grandpappy took Red Man to church

KyBanjo - Posted - 09/28/2022:  16:07:28

and found there was no spittoons at all.

He then carried

OM45GE - Posted - 09/29/2022:  03:23:56

an old Mason Jar wherever he went.

I found it quite

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 09/29/2022:  04:30:17

fascinating to watch the ever changing patterns of tobacco, saliva, food particles from lunch, and the occasional loogie he hacked up, sloshing on the insides of the jar he carried everywhere.



Granny suggested

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 09/29/2022 04:32:29