Scaggs7 - Posted - 08/04/2017:  12:41:10

because it's it the same color as grass

In my younger days I would

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/04/2017:  16:23:48

I learned to leave the bulls alone.

They never bother to

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/04/2017:  19:28:36

check my ID or ask what my intentions are concerning the cows.

But don't lip off with any BS

OM45GE - Posted - 08/05/2017:  17:44:49

because bulls recognize a BS-er from a mile away, upwind or down. 

That comes from years

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/06/2017:  13:17:20

of being a bull.

They can spread in thick or

OM45GE - Posted - 08/07/2017:  02:30:12

thin BS with equal ease. 

You need to watch where 

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/07/2017:  08:58:18

you're high stepping with those barn boots, especially when the BS gets flung high and low.

Hi and Lois were a likable couple, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/07/2017:  10:33:24

do you think that's alright?

Many times I wished that

OM45GE - Posted - 08/07/2017:  14:28:46

wishes were horses like the saying goes.

If I had some horses, I would

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/07/2017:  16:05:08

train them to eat my grass down to the 2 inch level.

My horse barn would have wall to wall

OM45GE - Posted - 08/07/2017:  16:14:50

carpet and white velour sofas for the horses 

The would appreciate the

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/08/2017:  05:24:27

soft fabric on their rumps.

but horses are known to be

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/08/2017:  05:32:51

fabric chewers if they lack oats and molasses.

So don't ever

OM45GE - Posted - 08/08/2017:  12:50:06

leave your favorite wool fedora hanging in the stall.

You may come back to find

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/08/2017:  12:52:24

wool in the horse manure when you're vacuuming the carpet.

My last horse ran away

OM45GE - Posted - 08/08/2017:  12:55:25

with my wife.

I'm going to miss the horse, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/08/2017:  13:05:58

my bow-legged wife can hit the hot dusty trail, as far as I'm concerned.



She's developed

Edited by - chuckv97 on 08/08/2017 13:06:21

OM45GE - Posted - 08/08/2017:  13:10:17

a nasty habit of feigning deafness whenever I'm talking but she can hear me opening a beer from the backyard.

I was going to divorce her until I found out

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/08/2017:  17:15:42

her rich uncle was becoming senile.

Now we take him on excursions

OM45GE - Posted - 08/09/2017:  04:41:54

to places like the Grand Canyon and hikes to the top of half dome.

So far he's been able to keep his balance, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/09/2017:  11:46:17

he seems to be out doing all of us.

That's a GOOD FOR HIM and

OM45GE - Posted - 08/09/2017:  12:41:50

those who care for him but it's playing hell with my retirement plans.

I may have to come up with

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/09/2017:  14:56:55

$55,000 lump sum.

But the lump is

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/09/2017:  15:21:47

gonna be on the top of his noggin after I knock the old boy out.

He's so senile that he thinks

OM45GE - Posted - 08/09/2017:  19:03:42

I'm his father even though he's 40 years older than I. 

He also thinks 

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/10/2017:  04:42:08

That the $55,000 is his.

I finally convinced him to take his lady friend to

OM45GE - Posted - 08/10/2017:  07:32:39

go sky diving.

They went, but didn't

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/10/2017:  11:21:22

come back in one piece.

The meat wagon pulled into our driveway

OM45GE - Posted - 08/10/2017:  12:50:30

and asked if we had a mop and a large, heavy duty, plastic bag.

They wouldn't tell me

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/10/2017:  13:47:10

they were going to butcher a calf.

Farmer Brown doesn't know about it yet so

OM45GE - Posted - 08/10/2017:  18:34:18

mum's the word.

We're hoping to get in and out before

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/10/2017:  19:53:34

the cows start bawling and let the cat out of the bag.

Rustling can be a dangerous sport

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/11/2017:  09:01:19

and hard on some of your body parts..

never take more than two men with you because

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/11/2017:  11:01:14

that third man will probably get cold feet.



Black market slaughterhouses

Edited by - chuckv97 on 08/11/2017 11:01:33

OM45GE - Posted - 08/11/2017:  11:19:43

are about the only place I can sell my rustled cattle these days.

The legitimate places

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/11/2017:  14:20:08

require a bill of sale.

Which I don't have so

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/11/2017:  18:05:41

my life will go underground from here on in.

I decided to adopt a pseudonym

OM45GE - Posted - 08/11/2017:  18:14:00

which was great until I forgot what it was.

I was at the RMV to renew my license and

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/12/2017:  04:01:41

they asked me if I had a photo ID..

Now wouldn't you think that

OM45GE - Posted - 08/12/2017:  06:55:04

a well done crayon and pencil portrait of myself would suffice?

But no, the clerk called

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/12/2017:  09:23:33

the head of the Dept. of Corks, Shoelaces and Brownies to verify my existence.

I told them I wasn't very photogenic

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/12/2017:  10:30:12

but they paid me no mind.

After all was said and done,they agreed to

Scaggs7 - Posted - 08/12/2017:  14:03:43

send me out west by bus that didn't show up

The next time

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/12/2017:  15:07:53

I go undehgwound I'm gonna punch dat dwatted wabbit wight in dah whistle.



My sawbones twied to wectify my lisp

 

Edited by - chuckv97 on 08/12/2017 15:08:56

OM45GE - Posted - 08/12/2017:  15:54:11

and dddddddid a ggggggreat jjjjob.

bbbbbut nnnow I sssssssstuttter sssssso bbbbbadly

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/13/2017:  04:16:39

aand cccan't pppucker uupp tto kkkkiss.

Mt wife punched me in the mouth and now I'm back to normal so all

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/13/2017:  06:25:50

is well that ends well, in my case anyway.

A fool and his monied wife are soon

OM45GE - Posted - 08/13/2017:  18:00:04

starring on a reality show. 

After that, they

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/14/2017:  04:56:22

just sees to fizzle out.

Then along comes another couple and