chuckv97 - Posted - 08/22/2019:  14:21:20

barfing was not her strong suit.

Her polyester jumpsuit

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 08/22/2019:  15:00:15

However, could repel a chemical attack.

As her stomach, whirled and twirled

OM45GE - Posted - 08/22/2019:  18:37:01

her eyes teared up and her nose started running.

I knew this was a sure sign she was

Bill Rogers - Posted - 08/22/2019:  18:53:59

about to have a sneezing attack.



Desperately, she reached for the box of Kleenex

Edited by - Bill Rogers on 08/22/2019 18:54:43

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/22/2019:  19:20:48

, but vengeful students had poured used motor oil in the box.

No one ‘fessed up

OM45GE - Posted - 08/23/2019:  03:41:32

but the high fives and back slapping were revealing.

This wasn’t the first

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/23/2019:  04:21:05

time she had been motor oiled.

Then there was the time she

OM45GE - Posted - 08/23/2019:  04:55:20

found all her furniture attached to the ceiling.

That was

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/23/2019:  07:16:09

a hair-raising experience.

Leaving one’s seat

OM45GE - Posted - 08/23/2019:  07:20:07

is an ill-advised move when you're around a gang of practical jokers.

The moment you stand up

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/23/2019:  07:24:51

some wiseacre will lay a whoopee cushion on your seat.

Either that, or

OM45GE - Posted - 08/23/2019:  07:28:17

the old "tack on the seat" trick will be dusted off and put into play.

Personally speaking, if someone ever did that to me, I would

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 08/23/2019:  08:30:23

Just go through the motions and take my punishment.

Speaking of weird pranks, one

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/23/2019:  08:50:37

my magic carpet blew up.

That ended my fun LSD trip

OM45GE - Posted - 08/23/2019:  11:49:03

but I managed to salvage my dignity by pretending I had planned the entire thing.

Naturally, my girlfriend

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/23/2019:  15:42:31

left me for an Arab sheik.

He finally allowed her to leave the house

OM45GE - Posted - 08/23/2019:  16:37:39

but only after she left her passport.

She had cleverly obtained

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/23/2019:  16:39:27

a fake ID from masquerading camel herders.

They were actually offspring of Rommel - the “Desert Fox”

OM45GE - Posted - 08/23/2019:  16:48:08

and his band of merry marauders who were closely followed by The Rat Pack.

Hollywood producers were clamoring

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/24/2019:  03:32:28

to get some film footage of that caper.

But they didn't know about

OM45GE - Posted - 08/24/2019:  03:43:27

the exclusive deal they had signed with a reality TV producer.

They wanted to

yeoldbanjoguy - Posted - 08/24/2019:  07:35:29

Move 8 gardeners into an apartment with a houseplant.

The confusion was overwhelming

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/24/2019:  07:37:13

make hay while the sun shines.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

OM45GE - Posted - 08/24/2019:  17:45:07

Tonto, cleverly disguised as a door handle, waited for the Lone Ranger to come home.

When he did, he would

Bill Rogers - Posted - 08/24/2019:  20:51:42

leap at the LR with a scream, while the Ranger cried “No, Kato, no!”

“Wait a minute,” said Peter Sellers,

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/24/2019:  21:43:45

“What in tarnation are you doing in a Western?”

LR replied, “My driver

OM45GE - Posted - 08/25/2019:  05:30:38

will take you to your dressing room.”

You clearly need a rest and

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/27/2019:  07:55:53

a massage from my aide, Lolita.

Her technique

Bill Rogers - Posted - 08/27/2019:  11:44:24

will not be described here.

But suffice to say

OM45GE - Posted - 08/27/2019:  18:08:48

that it would be a gold medal performance if those activities were an Olympic sport.

I don’t know why

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/27/2019:  18:40:55

tailor keeps asking me for money.

I’ve just paid

OM45GE - Posted - 08/28/2019:  03:11:19

the contents of my piggy back for a new banjo.

It was surprisingly

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/28/2019:  18:26:56

full of old silver quarters that garnered quite a few greenbacks at the coin shop.

My banjo, however, is aluminum

OM45GE - Posted - 08/28/2019:  18:33:15

which was made from recycled beer cans.

I had to drink a lot of beer to

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 08/28/2019:  18:46:52

tolerate the sound of it.

It sounds almost as bad as

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/28/2019:  18:50:42

my battleaxe neighbo(u)r’s screeching at her pencil-necked husband.

Tomorrow I’ll be

Bill Rogers - Posted - 08/28/2019:  20:37:16

looking for a set of war pipes to get back at her.

I can hardly wait to

OM45GE - Posted - 08/29/2019:  03:40:15

see the look on her face when she hears them.

They say good fences

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/29/2019:  03:46:55

keep out varmints and ne’er-do-wells.

Stink bombs are effective

OM45GE - Posted - 08/29/2019:  03:49:08

ways to deal with long lines at the grocery store.

However, when

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 08/30/2019:  17:46:11

the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore'.

But, when a custard pie hits your eye

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/30/2019:  17:47:21

it’s “game on!”

A left hook in aisle 3

OM45GE - Posted - 08/31/2019:  04:21:36

led to a body slam in the frozen foods.

A large display of

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/31/2019:  09:50:29

canned corn came crashing down on the store manager.

Chaos reigned

Bill Rogers - Posted - 08/31/2019:  10:12:35

and Morton Salt poured.

At the checkouts, a computer glitch

OM45GE - Posted - 09/02/2019:  05:49:53

doubled the value of all coupons and halved the price of all items scanned.

Some folks got

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/02/2019:  06:40:49

their cake and ate it too.

The manager fainted

OM45GE - Posted - 09/02/2019:  06:53:59

when he realized his profits for the year were gone, along with his bonus.

He didn’t know how he would

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/02/2019:  20:09:20

break the news to his snobby socialite wife.

Her idea of fun