banjoscotty - Posted - 02/08/2017:  09:59:38

but the crowd soon engulfed him.

They found him laying in

Forrest - Posted - 02/08/2017:  11:40:58

a puddle of bacon grease mumbling something about the yoke being on everyone else.

Humpty's son

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/08/2017:  13:05:36

,Humphrey, a laboratory egghead, collected grease samples for axle lubrication experiments.

Greasy pigs

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2017:  16:57:18

aren't having as much fun as the humans.

In fact, they are

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/08/2017:  19:38:23

pretty slick fellers.

Don't take a pig as a gift unless

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/08/2017:  22:05:02

you count your chickens before they're hatched.

Never take your foot off the gas

OM45GE - Posted - 02/09/2017:  04:13:41

until you hear the tires squeal like a piggy.

At that point, you can

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/09/2017:  04:32:21

slam that Hurst up to 2nd gear and pop the clutch.

You'll be long gone by the time

OM45GE - Posted - 02/09/2017:  06:12:44

anyone realizes you were even there in the first place.

That could be useful if you

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/09/2017:  08:33:32

are perfecting a Harry Houdini act in Detroit.

The old car factories

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/09/2017:  13:53:36

had a good thing going for them..

But they got greedy and

Forrest - Posted - 02/09/2017:  16:20:00

the competition was there to steal the business.

I miss the days when 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/09/2017:  17:55:01

you could get a job at 7 am, quit at 11am, and get another job at 1pm.

Those assembly lines made me swoon

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2017:  03:36:44

but I'm thinking it may have been the solvents they were using. 

I particularly enjoyed 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/10/2017:  04:30:43

watching them lower those little "60" flatheads into the car frame.

If you changed oil and kept them running cool they would

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2017:  04:41:32

outrun Sgt. O'Hara's '55 CrownVic , but you'd better cross the county line.

In the good ol' days

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2017:  04:45:46

crossing the county line meant they had to break off the chase. 

However, nowadays 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/10/2017:  05:58:40

your chances of making it to the county line are very nil..

Better to find hiding place in town because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2017:  06:37:09

the long arm of the law will collar you.



The annual policeman's ball

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/10/2017 06:37:31

Forrest - Posted - 02/10/2017:  07:21:18

removal program was well underway that year.

The policeman's wifes 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/10/2017:  07:34:31

began pairing off with each other..

That went well untill the

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2017:  07:48:26

more aggressive types began to grow chest hair and beards.

Balls are better left intact

Forrest - Posted - 02/10/2017:  13:01:28

on humans, which is why the wives started to grow a set to make up for their husband's missing gonads.

The policemen

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/10/2017:  13:20:01

became very enraged at this..

But that didn't stop

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2017:  14:59:59

them from trying to sleep with all of them.

That attracted the attention of

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2017:  15:16:23

the "Sleepers are People Too" movement whose founder was Lizzie Borden.

Her MO

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2017:  15:28:59

was to put people permanently to sleep with a woodworking tool.

I always wondered if she

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/11/2017:  02:44:40

was a DIY kind of person.

Do It Yourself will work only if you

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2017:  05:39:03

actually do it yourself. 

If you whine until your husband does it, it's not

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/11/2017:  06:03:27

a DIY project..

So always try to maintain

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/11/2017:  08:03:29

a clean record and daily log book to satisfy the bombastic authoritarian overseers of society.

Next, wipe your nose and

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2017:  09:15:59

and make sure your fly is zipped up. 

It's also good to

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/11/2017 09:16:14

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/11/2017:  14:38:54

cover your butt in case someone is planning to kick it..

Never sled ride down the backside of a hill because

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/11/2017:  19:28:22

the upside is much more pleasant.

Remember to spell galoshes

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/12/2017:  02:23:45

with just one g.

You must use this "g" and not this "gee" because

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2017:  05:07:40

geeloshes and g strings are inappropriate winter wear. 

It would be hard to explain how

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/12/2017:  06:58:08

you tripped on her "G" string.

But you could always hide her G string untill

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/12/2017:  07:16:42

the vice squad takes leave of thine premises.

Be polite and cordial

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2017:  12:33:02

but remember that anything you say may be used as evidence against you in a court of law. 

It would be best if you remember 

J e f f - Posted - 02/12/2017:  16:06:57

to put the seat down when your finished doing your business.

And make sure that your clothes are on when

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2017:  03:53:20

you head out for a jog. 

the last time I ran in the nude

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/13/2017:  04:00:10

I had 13 women follow me home..

12 of them left but one stayed so I

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/13/2017:  06:43:57

made her do the hootchie-cootchie whilst I plucked a sultry tune on my tater bug mandolin.

She had a bee in her bonnet

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/13/2017:  07:51:16

and bats in her pocket.

That's what scarred me from

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2017:  10:32:39

a long term relationship. 

I make a better

Forrest - Posted - 02/13/2017:  11:31:55

boyfriend than I do a husband, mainly because of my overtly manly habits and hobbies.

Take for example

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/13/2017:  12:07:44

the time I followed Sadie Hawkins home.

Now that was a night to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/13/2017:  12:29:26

forget about cuz Sadie turned out to be a sadist.

Her idea of fun

OM45GE - Posted - 02/13/2017:  15:55:21

involved tying me up and whipping me with a riding crop until I begged forgiveness.

What she didn't know was that I am a masochist so, instead of begging for forgiveness, I begged for