chuckv97 - Posted - 02/14/2017:  08:40:08

a large collection of cat-o'-nine-tails.

He'd been raised on pain

Forrest - Posted - 02/14/2017:  09:45:04

which is why he was happy to be married. 

I personally want nothing

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/14/2017:  13:35:19

to do with those perverted tactics.

But he is very wealthy and

OM45GE - Posted - 02/14/2017:  13:49:21

I am a whore for money so I'll do anything he asks.

Except 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/14/2017:  14:35:36

when he asks if I have an ace up my sleeve.

A backup plan

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2017:  02:34:48

is always a good idea but you have to plan carefully. 

If you overlook 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/15/2017:  05:15:54

the sleeve you are making big mistake.

But if he's wearing short sleeves then you

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2017:  12:33:53

will get a good look at his extensive tattoos. 

You should look at the one 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2017:  13:04:50

that depicts an Ace of hearts,,a true beauty but not welcome at Jimmy's Wednesday night poker games.

Jimmy and his brother Biff

OM45GE - Posted - 02/15/2017:  16:44:02

used to tattoo each other until Jimmy realize what a poor speller Biff was.

The last straw was when Biff

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/15/2017:  19:08:36

crossed the H on MOTHER instead of the T.

But Jimmy's a cool cat..One time he took

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/15/2017:  19:25:11

his wife's Olds Cutlass to Big Bill's scrapyard.

It seems she cut

OM45GE - Posted - 02/16/2017:  04:44:12

a hole in the floor board so she could discretely dump her empty beer cans while she was driving. 

That worked pretty well until the day

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/16/2017:  07:42:41

she dumped a can while the sheriff was following her..

He pulled her over but when he saw she was Jimmy's wife he

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/16/2017:  07:46:31

took her downtown for an 8 hour interrogation.

By then Jimmy had

OM45GE - Posted - 02/16/2017:  14:20:05

filed a motion in court declaring her legally dead and proposed to the cute neighbor.

Imagine his surprise when

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/16/2017:  15:18:07

his wife showed up at the wedding.

Everyone was so happy that they

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/16/2017:  16:48:46

were booked for having illegal smiles.

Never throw rice

Forrest - Posted - 02/16/2017:  17:04:36

in the face of a law enforcement officer unless it's his birthday.

Cops aren't known for

OM45GE - Posted - 02/16/2017:  18:45:13

creative rice recipes. 

They prefer 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/16/2017:  19:47:08

heavy dough from bribers, and for frying donuts.

Always keep a cruller under your car seat

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/16/2017:  19:50:04

so you can crull someone.

We once had a crulling team in North Dakota but

OM45GE - Posted - 02/17/2017:  03:27:24

they moved to South Dakota. 

We revoked their citizenship but

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/17/2017:  04:55:41

they stayed and crulled all the more.

Then one day the governor of South Dakota said

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/17/2017:  04:58:43

"What we have here is travesty of justice!"

All crullers will be rounded up

Forrest - Posted - 02/17/2017:  07:56:25

and put on ice until they see the error of their crusty ways.

Some things even stink on ice

OM45GE - Posted - 02/17/2017:  13:59:12

but you have to get very close to smell them.

But don't get too close or

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/17/2017:  14:39:05

some big burly defenseman will knock you into next week.

Keep your head up

Forrest - Posted - 02/17/2017:  15:58:58

and your chin down and your eyes on the ball.

It's little wonder golf

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/18/2017:  01:48:22

is "T'd" off about the whole thing,

The game is next to nothing because

OM45GE - Posted - 02/18/2017:  04:17:44

nothing is everywhere so everything is next to it. 

In an oddly existential way, that means 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/18/2017:  06:28:39

non-existant.

But why worry about things like that when

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/18/2017:  07:40:50

the price of tea in China is escalating to new heights.

Green tea helps the gonads

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/18/2017:  07:57:47

but it rots your teeth..

Drink Postum,it's better for

OM45GE - Posted - 02/18/2017:  16:34:04

dumping down the drain as it's a poor substitute for coffee.  ☕️ 

Why anyone would 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/18/2017:  17:10:34

buy counterfeit products with bogus bills is baffling to boisterous barflies.

The last time I stopped in at

Forrest - Posted - 02/18/2017:  17:18:03

a Tim Hortons, I paid for my sugary delights and received a counterfeit Toonie.

I was so pissed off

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/19/2017:  01:39:23

I started going to Dunkin' Donuts.

They were ok except for the

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/19/2017:  04:47:26

counterfeit crullers, a horrid mess of chemicalized dough.

The dough I like

Forrest - Posted - 02/19/2017:  05:11:54

has been hand-worked by sweaty Eastern European women wearing very little clothing.

There's a certain tang

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/19/2017:  16:47:55

to the texture of the fabric.

Linden McCallister was the first man to

Forrest - Posted - 02/19/2017:  17:45:46

mass produce pastries kneaded entirely by hand.

The fact that he did it in the nude

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/19/2017:  18:03:14

was kept secret from kneady customers.

Icing sugar is not allowed

OM45GE - Posted - 02/20/2017:  03:59:07

in certain Eastern European countries. 

The believe it

Forrest - Posted - 02/20/2017:  17:36:52

causes odd behavior and rotten teeth.

The real cause of the odd behavior was

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/20/2017:  18:52:36

the toxic chemicals dumped into freshets and brooks.

The good thing about 2-headed fish

OM45GE - Posted - 02/21/2017:  02:48:52

is hard to understand unless you're a two headed fish. 

The like to say, " if you're not

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/21/2017:  04:22:35

familiar with the scale,,don't try to tuna guitar.

Banjos never stay in tune so

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/21/2017:  06:01:07

just shift her into a minor and let'er rip.

I was tied up yesterday