OM45GE - Posted - 05/27/2016:  14:48:54

, both of which should disqualify him from MENSA but for some reason did not.

Perhaps he paid someone

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/28/2016:  07:24:10

to write him a fake certificate?

Did he ever attend

OM45GE - Posted - 05/28/2016:  08:27:04

secretarial school?

I think not because his grammar is atrocious and his spelling

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/28/2016:  12:07:50

leaves something to be desired.

But every day he brought the teacher

J e f f - Posted - 05/28/2016:  13:35:07

a can of shaving cream.

I have a sad story

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/28/2016:  14:11:53

to tell,,please listen closely..

Once upon a time ago there came a

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/28/2016:  19:09:59

deadly banjo virus from far-flung lands where women wore war paint.

They were angry

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/29/2016:  03:34:15

because the HBO members paid them no attention.

But when the women hid all the banjos, the men

OM45GE - Posted - 05/30/2016:  02:59:36

we're suddenly quit attentive. 

However  the attention was

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/30/2016:  12:46:17

short-lived, due to ADD and FU disorders.

Shrieking obscenities on a subway

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/30/2016:  14:06:40

isn't very lady like.

But who cares about

J e f f - Posted - 05/30/2016:  16:06:20

arithmetic and Felix Unger disorders.

The larger issue is

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/31/2016:  02:23:05

where did I put my car keys?

It's hard to start over when

OM45GE - Posted - 05/31/2016:  03:37:33

when you never got going in the first place. 

The other day a man

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/31/2016:  08:44:59

offered me a position in his bluegrass band..

I said, You must be

OM45GE - Posted - 05/31/2016:  10:43:54

willing to buy me out of my recording contract.

Do you have five

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/31/2016:  14:01:49

million to give me as ernest money till you can deliver the other $495,000,000?

If not,you must talk to Bill who will

OM45GE - Posted - 05/31/2016:  14:29:16

explain how utterly hopeless your cause is.

He can be pretty firm so

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/31/2016:  16:33:06

don't try to "jew" him down.

And Bill has a 38 special for

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/31/2016:  18:36:28

an additional bargaining chip, so don't bother bringing your brass knuckles.

His resume includes a stint

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/01/2016:  03:27:25

but that is for another purpose.

Please,,Don't mess with Bill because he is capable

OM45GE - Posted - 06/01/2016:  03:28:42

as an enforcer for Whitey Bulger and the Winter Hill Gang so he's not someone you want to mess with. 

One time he 

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/01/2016:  05:18:34

actually chased down a mugger and bit both of his ears clean off,,,,,,

Then when Clancy came to investigate,Bill just

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/01/2016:  12:09:42

gave him a piece of his mind, and his left hook.

Clancy wished he'd never

MWBailey - Posted - 06/01/2016:  13:44:26

been within earshot

Speaking of shooting ears, where is your

OM45GE - Posted - 06/01/2016:  14:47:18

hearing aid?

I said, WHERE IS YOUR

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/01/2016:  17:45:40

HAIRING EAD??

Your company benefits

OM45GE - Posted - 06/02/2016:  03:09:40

probably don't cover private helicopter commuting but it can't hurt to ask. 

Unless, of course, they immediately fire you for

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/02/2016:  12:39:40

borrowing the "chopper" after hours.

The 10 most wanted on FBI list will

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/02/2016:  18:49:25

line up against this wall....if we ever catch'em.

Knuckles Kiniski and Jimmy the Kneecapper

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/03/2016:  04:26:18

Are among the back ally thugs.

City police would like to

OM45GE - Posted - 06/03/2016:  07:08:29

keep them all on the street because arresting them would leave a power vacuum at the top and they're afraid of a turf war.

That means turning a blind eye to

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/03/2016:  09:25:14

all hijinks and shenanigans down at the waterfront.

The cops are on a slow-down strike

Bk2olKY - Posted - 06/03/2016:  13:25:20

to ensure adequate supply of fresh donuts.

However, bakers in the area

OM45GE - Posted - 06/03/2016:  14:08:11

are on to their sneaky plans.

They've substitute salt peter for the

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/03/2016:  16:53:30

powdered sugar, even delivering some to the opponents' clubhouse at Fenway.

Running to first base

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/04/2016:  09:11:36

requires a lot of energy.

You can't fake

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/05/2016:  04:19:58

it..You're either safe or you're out.

The umpire will usually

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/05/2016:  07:54:05

put on his glasses after the play to check the rule book.

Umpires acquire thick skins

OM45GE - Posted - 06/05/2016:  15:23:34

because of all the drunken louts yelling at them from the cheap seats. 

When they get home

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/06/2016:  06:19:52

their wives brow beat them about the game..

The umps usually end up at Sam & Joe's for a

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/06/2016:  12:36:08

few whisky sours and a back room rubdown by Sam's hippie sister, Sunshine.

She whispers "you're safe"

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/07/2016:  02:13:09

And he says,,"You're Outta Here".

Never argue with the

Edited by - banjoscotty on 06/07/2016 02:13:55

OM45GE - Posted - 06/07/2016:  03:41:34

ump even when you are sure he or she is wrong. 

They have the

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/07/2016:  05:30:43

They have the right to out argue you.,

Besides,,what is the

OM45GE - Posted - 06/07/2016:  06:10:41

point of having a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

You would be better off trying to

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/07/2016:  06:50:11

push a fishing worm through a keyhole.

After saying that,, what do

OM45GE - Posted - 06/07/2016:  07:18:02

want with a worm on the other side of the door in the first place?

I used to think they were asking

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/07/2016:  08:06:29

us to come to their parties because they liked us.

Then I found out they needed extra folks to