RandyZ - Posted - 01/31/2014:  05:18:34

to wave it in the air and say: look..banjo.

If anyone was to ever....

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  05:23:13

take it from me I would be quite upset.

So upset, in fact, that I would

dflowers - Posted - 01/31/2014:  05:37:06

whistle "Dixie" backwards. Then, as embarraced as I would be, I would

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  06:03:02

slink off behind the woodshed.

Once I got there, I was astounded to find

RandyZ - Posted - 01/31/2014:  06:59:57

an 1861 issue of Playboy magazine.

such a rare find i thought, maybe....

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  07:06:38

Hugh Hefner was even more ancient than he looks.

Then i realized

jistgreg - Posted - 01/31/2014:  07:10:49

I was seeing through the eyes of age. 

Mr. Bojangles grabbed his pants, a better stance, and 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  07:16:18

sat down at the piano.

I was amazed because

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  07:31:42

his version of "Chopsticks" sounded like Chopin.

Then he danced for you,in wornout 

dflowers - Posted - 01/31/2014:  07:36:48

Tony Lama cowboy boots.  He must have known

jistgreg - Posted - 01/31/2014:  08:35:19

about the mess that he left when he went away. 

The mess hall officer shook 

BigMonFan - Posted - 01/31/2014:  08:48:22

us all down looking for stolen silverware. He was afraid

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  09:20:15

diners would have to eat with their hands.

Everyone knows

BigMonFan - Posted - 01/31/2014:  09:42:26

you can lead a horse to water but he still won't brush his teeth. Nobody knows the

RandyZ - Posted - 01/31/2014:  09:54:40

dentist who came up with this well-known fact.

last place he was spotted was....

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  10:03:17

the local watering hole.

He liked a drink or two before he

jistgreg - Posted - 01/31/2014:  10:26:16

started actually counting his drinks (backwards from 100). 

The snow had begun in the gloaming, and bitterly all the night 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  10:37:07

whilst a thin and wispy fog slipped its tendrils around the buildings and crept beneath the upturned collars of the shivering patients waiting for the dentist's office to open.

They didn't speak to one another, content to

RandyZ - Posted - 01/31/2014:  11:18:03

gnaw on teething rings made from old tire rubber.

steam flowed from one old man mouth as he gruffly spoke...

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  11:32:06

these words of wisdom.

There are three ways of doing things,

jistgreg - Posted - 01/31/2014:  11:34:36

the right way, the wrong way and Frank Sinatra's way. 

Frankly, I can't see my way 

Edited by - jistgreg on 01/31/2014 11:35:59

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  11:58:51

of doing things your way without you becoming your old self again,,, and you know what that means

I saw Bigfoot peaking in the window and

RandyZ - Posted - 01/31/2014:  12:30:57

admiring my Sinatra records.

from the upstairs i quietly slipped into my...

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  12:56:04

parachute and jumped out the window

Looking out my window this rain is driving crazy just

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  13:04:57

like  a fire hose was turned on.

I'm thinking of building a

RandyZ - Posted - 01/31/2014:  13:12:20

shoebox-sized ark.

then, ill round up all the neighborhood cats....

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  13:19:37

and a few of the yippy dogs.

Then I will make sure

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  13:34:11

Heckyll and Jeckyll are on board and sail off for the Greenland Coast.

There I will round up some polar bears and Atlantic cod

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  14:10:13

for a fine surf and turf feast.

For those who don't care to eat bear, we will have

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/31/2014:  14:50:10

Opswich clams.

OK you two,get ready for the

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  14:57:56

drunken limbo contest.

First you need to

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  15:26:49

lock the door and put out the cat

my wife said to me--

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  16:00:02

"if you dance the limbo you'll arouse our female guests.

Why don't you try the

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  16:33:54

Hully Gully instead?

You look pretty stupid

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  17:20:19

with that tail hangin' off you're ear

You ever tried to use a canoe for

OM45GE - Posted - 01/31/2014:  17:22:09

a bobsled?

It's a lot of fun until

jistgreg - Posted - 01/31/2014:  18:53:19

somebody loses an eye. 

My Uncle Jethro lost his glass eye on 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  18:58:00

the Matterhorn ,back in the 1940's.

A Swiss yodeler found it and

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  19:16:09

lost it in a pocker game.

My girlfriend wants

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/31/2014:  20:16:39

me to get a glass eye. 

That way I can keep an eye on

OM45GE - Posted - 02/01/2014:  03:38:11

My own drink when I go to the bathroom. 

Personally, i think

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/01/2014:  06:45:32

it was a mistake to come here when we
could have gone there

The sun set at a different location but

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/01/2014:  08:24:38

what did I care; I didn't know where I was anyway.

Whenever I wake up in a strange place

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/01/2014:  08:29:43

I always have to go look for my clothes and wallet.

Then I go get the local newspaper to 

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/01/2014:  08:32:56

see if I've left town or not.

The loud sound of sirens and brightly flashing lights

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/01/2014:  08:43:20

indicates that someone has set the woods on fire

You can always tell what's in the can on the top shelf by

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/01/2014:  08:50:14

shooting a hole in it to see what runs out.

The next time

OM45GE - Posted - 02/01/2014:  09:35:06

perhaps we should leave the label on.

I don't know why everybody

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/01/2014:  09:40:54

doesn't shoot first and ask questions later.

Evil Roy Slade never could fit in