OM45GE - Posted - 07/25/2017:  07:43:33

to move her to the couch in the living room.

We'll hand her the remote and bring

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/25/2017:  09:32:14

in a bluegrass band for her.

There was a time when

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/25/2017:  11:44:44

she was a slim 17 year old, but my facial tics drove her to nervous over-eating.

I'd leave her but

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/25/2017:  12:21:22

she has all the money.

She's not that bad except

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2017:  02:48:14

the flatulence, her mood swings, her enormous bulk and the regular beatings she gives me. 

Now that I think about it, she

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/26/2017:  03:18:46

isn't so bad.

Maybe if we went fishing we might

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/26/2017:  07:16:19

get stranded on a remote island, and renew our romance.

The wild berries and cattail roots

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2017:  07:56:52

could sustain us for food and may be useful in our renewed passions.

Or, we may just end up

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/26/2017:  10:23:46

back at the homestead.

Either way it will be

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2017:  13:10:07

captured on our phone cameras and posted on the internet almost immediately.

They may go viral if

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/26/2017:  13:47:52

things get too rowdy.

But that's ok too if

OM45GE - Posted - 07/26/2017:  15:11:29

our sponsors notice the extra traffic.

We get paid for every

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/26/2017:  16:26:56

foot of film we run.

No matter if it's

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/26/2017:  17:23:52

reel to reel or cyber feet.

Someday I'll go paperless

Scaggs7 - Posted - 07/26/2017:  18:25:21

and forget where i'm at

That reminds me of the time

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2017:  02:53:10

I forgot where I was at.

Then I remembered

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2017:  03:07:18

that I was still where I was yesterday. 

Unfortunately, I'm not sure where 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2017:  04:53:25

I was the day before that.

Does it matter if we

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2017:  05:31:19

throw our clocks away and blow up our TV's?

Ignorance is bliss

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2017:  05:39:50

unless I'm ignorant about what bliss is.

That's a distinct possibility because

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2017:  07:20:29

I'm ignorant about most things.

But someone usually tells me when

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2017:  08:45:06

I get too confused.

That doesn't always

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2017:  10:44:23

make me happy, so I often retaliate with a swift roundhouse right.

I have a thorn in my shoe

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2017:  10:58:55

but thankfully my shoe is back in Baltimore with my ex-wife.

She's trying to remove the shoe, thorn and all, from her

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2017:  11:39:58

overstocked shoe closet.

I'll be going there in a week or

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2017:  13:32:17

two and hope to get out of there with minimal damage, both physical and psychological.

The last time I went there, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/27/2017:  15:13:08

she wanted me to stay.

But her new boyfriend didn't

Scaggs7 - Posted - 07/27/2017:  16:16:34

she threw the thorn infested shoe at me

I went for a swim and saw a

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2017:  17:46:20

dead body floating towards the shore.

I told the police

OM45GE - Posted - 07/28/2017:  02:56:38

but they seemed sort of busy and told me to take a number. 

I settled in for a long wait and 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2017:  12:36:26

the body turned out to be Farmer Brown's scarecrow.

The police sure had a laugh on me and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/28/2017:  13:34:20

then checked my car for bootleg booze.

They looked at my antifreeze jug with raised eyebrows

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2017:  14:36:18

but I told them it was half empty when I bought it.

I guess they believed me because

OM45GE - Posted - 07/29/2017:  03:29:22

they let me go with a warning to drop any booze of questionable origin off at the station.

They must think I'm really stupid because

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/29/2017:  04:55:59

I don't even drink alchohol.

Anyway I'm going fishing now and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/29/2017:  06:33:52

I'll need some spoons, spinners and plugs.

I like catching crappies

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/29/2017:  10:41:04

and large mouth bass.

But they don't like my

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/31/2017:  20:56:54

frying pan with bubbling butter.

Don't swallow fish bones

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/01/2017:  04:12:17

if you're not a cat.

Cats have a way of doing this that is

OM45GE - Posted - 08/01/2017:  05:01:31

alarming to watch but doesn't seem to bother them a bit. 

Perhaps they have 

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/01/2017:  06:20:54

special dissolving digestive juices specifically targeted on fish bones.

If you see a coughing cat

banjoscotty - Posted - 08/01/2017:  07:27:38

it probably has the flu.

Just give it some Robotusin and

OM45GE - Posted - 08/02/2017:  02:42:53

avoid exchanging bodily fluids. 

It's bad enough that the cat

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/02/2017:  07:05:14

is hacking, never mind being an object of animal husbandry experiments.

The anatomy lab

Scaggs7 - Posted - 08/02/2017:  17:43:12

produced a monkey with a ball glove in hand

All they need is a shopping cart

OM45GE - Posted - 08/03/2017:  04:58:32

for all the items he thinks he needs to lug around. 

He has

chuckv97 - Posted - 08/03/2017:  07:13:06

a hoarding disorder ,with piles of bottle caps and plastic coffee lids stored under the highway overpass.

Don't shuck him any jive

Scaggs7 - Posted - 08/03/2017:  17:48:48

the bus driver because he said he got drunk and decided to take a bus home -- he said he never drove a bus this big before

The next time

OM45GE - Posted - 08/04/2017:  04:37:18

he plans to take a train. 

He's never driven a train either, but how