chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  07:17:49

there was an illegal alien hiding in the suit.

I gave him a subway token and

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/03/2014 07:18:49

jistgreg - Posted - 02/03/2014:  07:35:16

he redeemed it for a foot-long tuna sandwich. 

I'm tired of hearing "You can tune a banjo, but you can't 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/03/2014:  07:35:25

detune a detuned banjo



Never sit in drafty hallway when

Edited by - banjoscotty on 02/03/2014 07:37:30

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  07:42:05

when you can use a fan

have you ever tried

jistgreg - Posted - 02/03/2014:  07:52:56

to housebreak a puppy without letting him into the house? 

It isn't easy, being

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  07:59:57

the only one in the house with a bunch of people

A few days after the sleepover

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  08:04:57

I found some nasty smelling socks behind the couch.

That's the last time 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2014:  08:07:07

I'll look for the clicker.

If I want to change the channel, I'll

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/03/2014:  09:06:18

press the buttons on the changer.

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  09:43:46

Pushing the changer's buttons just gets her riled up.

Next time I'm gonna blow past 

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/03/2014:  10:31:20

where no man has blown past before.

There's not much humor to be found in the laws of physics unless

jistgreg - Posted - 02/03/2014:  10:42:10

E = Ernie, mc = the master of ceremonies, and he's such a square! (yeah, there's not much....)  

Einstein stuck out his tongue while playing banjo 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  11:03:38

to jeer the other boring physicists in the front row.

They took great offense to this and

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2014:  11:15:47

began throwing aspersions at him.

Of course, Einstein was

jistgreg - Posted - 02/03/2014:  11:34:49

not a native English speaker and mistook it for asparagus. 

Do you want my pee to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  11:50:30

mix in with your carrots?

But then ,every red-blooded male has a pee-shooter

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2014:  14:04:14

 that he can call his own.

However, it's not something

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  15:25:08

you would do everyday

years of changing the way

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2014:  15:57:21

we do things has taken a toll.

So now we've resolved to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  16:06:50

play banjo with one finger,cuz the others are arthritic.

And we can get a kazoo...

OM45GE - Posted - 02/03/2014:  16:16:15

to add a counter melody.

If only we could find

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/03/2014:  19:10:00

our adz with both hands then we could rive some white oak shingles if we were about thirty years younger and the signs were right.

Some folks don't believe in

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  19:49:31

the fountain of youth but there's one at the nearby mall. 

All those teenagers hanging around

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  19:51:42

UFOs or Santa because of some ancient ideas passed down thru the ages by the grapevine

On our anniversary we went to the

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  19:57:31

the House of Horrors at the amusement park.

The next day my wife filed 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  20:15:23

unemployment extensions

A after coming up missing

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/03/2014:  20:16:01

her fingernails to the quick.

Don't rob another mans' castle,he might

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  20:26:04

follow you home and give you a reward for taking the stuff.

The night after the yelling

jistgreg - Posted - 02/03/2014:  21:13:39

was the night of quiet bleeding. 

Are you washed in 

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/03/2014:  21:30:13

a Washington washroom?

If you are, the vice squad...

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/03/2014 21:30:51

ErikH - Posted - 02/04/2014:  02:24:13

might be interested in speaking with you.

It is often said that

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/04/2014:  02:25:33

will squeeze the crap out of you.

Why do women always

ErikH - Posted - 02/04/2014:  02:27:54

go in pairs?

I girl I used to date told me that

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2014:  03:01:59

"get away from me you creep" wasn't flirting.

I told her that meant

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/04/2014:  04:49:21

I love you in Spanish.

I called the toll-free number and

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2014:  04:58:51

was ordered to turn myself in immediately.

Instead, I

jistgreg - Posted - 02/04/2014:  05:02:00

turned on a dime, then turned it off again. 

My new diet is lactose-free, gluten-free, fat-free, high-fructose-corn-syrup-free, sugar-free, salt-free and 

Edited by - jistgreg on 02/04/2014 05:04:05

RandyZ - Posted - 02/04/2014:  06:07:00

tastes just like air.

From out of nowhere, this beaver....

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/04/2014:  07:52:37

attacked my new fur boots I got from the Sally Ann .

It seems that the Sally didn't 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/04/2014:  08:20:54

listen when Ann said; watch out for beaver attacks!

I went fishing last night and

Edited by - banjoscotty on 02/04/2014 08:21:41

jistgreg - Posted - 02/04/2014:  08:56:44

caught a cold. 

My insurance agent tried to sell me a blanket policy, but 

RandyZ - Posted - 02/04/2014:  09:57:32

but i didnt have room in my fanny pack for a policy, let alone a blanket.


As i fought with this maniacal beaver, some....

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2014:  10:08:57

Curious muskrats arrived and sat down to watch. 

After a few minutes,

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/04/2014:  11:13:17

I pulled out my blunderbuss and fired a warning shot.

That sent the muskrats into a tizzy

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2014:  11:57:39

, which is not to be confused with a Tin Lizzy.

Which everyone knows is

jistgreg - Posted - 02/04/2014:  12:08:59

Sweet Fanny Adams in a tin. 

Napoleon was so short 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2014:  12:32:39

his legs didn't quite reach the ground.

On the other hand, he could brag that his

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/04/2014:  14:02:54

heighth when he was up on his tall horse.

Rip Van Winkles beard was so long that

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/04/2014:  14:32:17

he could use it for a belt

Squirrel hunters seldom