banjoscotty - Posted - 04/29/2015:  03:43:05

At least twice a day to get the fresher "goodies".

Then his clothes began to tatter so he

OM45GE - Posted - 04/29/2015:  04:05:12

resorted to stealing clothes from the dryers at the laundromat.

They weren't always his size so

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/29/2015:  08:32:45

he'd trade them at the Sally Ann thrift store for bib overalls and barn boots.

The Sally got upset

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/29/2015:  09:42:09

because the ones he traded in were always dirty.

Then one day he met a cleaning lady that

OM45GE - Posted - 04/29/2015:  11:28:16

offered to do his laundry if he would help her with a problem.

He asked

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/29/2015:  15:06:58

what her problem was, but he wasn't prepared for the answer she gave.

It seems

jistgreg - Posted - 04/30/2015:  00:23:01

she mistook him for the Quizmaster and asked him how many points her answer would be worth. 

He replied, "Let me hear 

OM45GE - Posted - 04/30/2015:  06:27:38

the answer and I will award points on a completely arbitrary grading system of my own design."

Understandably, she 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/30/2015:  09:56:34

didn't trust this cad, and stormed off to find her angry sociopathic son.

Quizmaster tried

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/30/2015:  11:51:41

another tactic and got his face slapped.

Some quizmasters don't

jistgreg - Posted - 04/30/2015:  14:17:21

know whether to $#!t or shine Olaf. 

Or even get off the pot, for 

OM45GE - Posted - 04/30/2015:  16:32:43

that matter. 

Today we are going

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/30/2015:  17:05:59

begin in erstwhile fashion to start digging a hole all the way to China.

It's been on my bucket list

jistgreg - Posted - 04/30/2015:  20:20:04

since Methusula was a pup. 

You remember Metthie, he lived 900 years and couldn't get 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/01/2015:  03:49:47

on the basketball team because he was really 969 years old.

Then one day he saw a

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/01/2015:  07:21:39

an ad for the fountain of youth, so he travelled many a mile over hill and dale.

All he found was a soda jerk

OM45GE - Posted - 05/01/2015:  15:13:41

jerking the levers on a chrome soda fountain. 

He was wearing

jistgreg - Posted - 05/01/2015:  19:43:42

straw skimmer, a high, starched, white collar, an ascot cravatte, a pinstripe seersucker suit,  a plum-coloured satin waistcoat, spats, black patent-leather boots with a ceremonial knife stuck in them, a silk codpiece and a sporran holding  two soda bottle caps, a brass farthing, two nickels:  one plugged and the other wooden, a surprisingly thin dime, two bits (one of advice and the other of the drill persuasion), and a bottom dollar, buck-eighty.  

From the back room came the sound of bagpipes polka-ing, accordion picking, and banjo wailing 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/01/2015:  20:45:21

a tune called "SHUT UP".

Then when greg used up all his vocabulary,someone said

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/02/2015:  12:05:47

"There's more than one way to skin a Wisconsin badger", which led Greg to begin to learn the vocabulary of the Sheboygan Indians.

Bearing gifts of whisky and shiny trinkets, he

jistgreg - Posted - 05/02/2015:  20:45:44

approached the Indians cautiously, chanting "aeek wit, aeek wit, aeek wit!" 

Too late he realized he was not approaching Sheboygan Indians from Wisconsin, but Cheboygan 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/04/2015:  04:12:47

farmers from the upland,,and they weren't very friendly.

But when he gave them some striped peppermint candy sticks,they all

OM45GE - Posted - 05/04/2015:  06:48:58

brandished their medical alert bracelets showing that they were diabetic and proceeded to beat him soundly. 

When he woke up

Edited by - OM45GE on 05/04/2015 06:49:19

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/04/2015:  07:32:24

he thought it had all been a bad dream, until he starting spitting out his chiclets.

"I'll have to gum my way

OM45GE - Posted - 05/04/2015:  08:08:15

through my next speech. 

I wonder if

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/04/2015:  10:25:50

I could wear dentures??

Only time he ever won anything was

jistgreg - Posted - 05/05/2015:  03:37:25

in a gibberish contest sponsored by "Gabby" Hayes. 

He had inadvertently left his china choppers in his other suit, and the subsequent 

Edited by - jistgreg on 05/05/2015 03:44:23

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/05/2015:  05:50:20

result was,,he couldn't bite anyone.

Why can't I go to the chili cook-off,I did

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2015:  06:04:51

my jail time after the last one.

You would think

jistgreg - Posted - 05/05/2015:  08:18:07

that if the Chinese can use gunpowder for tea, we ought to be able to use it in chili. 

But n-o-o-o-O-O-O-o-o-o  --  those sons 

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/05/2015:  08:26:15

of guns want to keep all the powder for themselves , in case of a chili riot.

Beans and banana peppers

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/05/2015:  09:27:00

are getting hard to come by too.

Went to the dance the other night and

OM45GE - Posted - 05/05/2015:  13:47:29

discovered that my wife was not visiting her mother in Saint Louis.

I was not

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/05/2015:  14:50:34

a happy camper.

Then I said to myself,,"Self,what are you doing here ",you should

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/05/2015:  14:53:18

put an extra set of clothes and a baloney sandwich in your banjo case and hit the road.



I 'll show that

Edited by - chuckv97 on 05/05/2015 14:53:38

jistgreg - Posted - 05/05/2015:  23:45:06

spelling cop that Denial ain't just a river in Egypt and Bologna IS just a city in Italy. 

Why is there never a cop

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2015:  03:58:55

around when you find an ill eagle in your back yard?

We found one

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/06/2015:  04:22:04

but he liked donuts better than any ill eagle.

Kind of funny when you think about all the

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2015:  06:28:25

raw meat they eat.

You would thing am ill eagle

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/06/2015:  07:10:02

would take two aspirins and go to nest, but OH NO, he has to come here and puke .

But no worries, the Indian medicine man

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2015:  07:14:46

pays me a lot of money for eagle puke.

He says it

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/06/2015:  08:10:10

is good for his rose bushes.

Medicine Men know a lot of stuff but one day

OM45GE - Posted - 05/06/2015:  12:47:24

they all seem to come to the conclusion that there has to be a better way to capitalize on that knowledge.

Some of them

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/06/2015:  14:22:09

dress up like Tonto and hawk phony arthritis balm , a passive aggressive revenge tactic against the white man.

Their actual secret cures

jistgreg - Posted - 05/06/2015:  23:27:19

-- well, I don't know anything about them 'cuz they're SECRET, Einstein! 

Why do people look to me 

OM45GE - Posted - 05/07/2015:  05:35:13

for all the answers?

I don't have a clue about anything except

Edited by - OM45GE on 05/07/2015 05:35:24

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/07/2015:  06:53:37

that it was either Col. Mustard or the butler.

Bored games

jistgreg - Posted - 05/07/2015:  09:19:50

are well-named. 

Who wants to hear, "Pick a game!" when 

OM45GE - Posted - 05/07/2015:  09:46:53

we could be getting into brawls at the local drinking establishment.

The last time I