chuckv97 - Posted - 09/21/2016:  03:56:17

fascination with Cyclops, who I met in a dream last year.

Illusion can become reality

OM45GE - Posted - 09/21/2016:  04:04:45

if you eat enough psilocybin mushrooms.

One time I

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/21/2016:  04:33:03

ate a mushroom and the room became invisible.

Never eat mushrooms while

OM45GE - Posted - 09/21/2016:  05:26:41

being chased by an angry bear.

One of you will

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/21/2016:  17:27:34

have to face the uncomfortable reality of life behind the curtain.

My spiritual advisor

OM45GE - Posted - 09/22/2016:  02:41:29

is losing patience with me. 

He thinks I

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/22/2016:  08:44:26

am a has been that wants to be.

He is a knucklehead and should be

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/22/2016:  08:46:41

counseling knuckleballers Dickey and Wright.

Never sharpen your knuckles

OM45GE - Posted - 09/22/2016:  10:47:51

but dragging them on the pavement.

It will make you appear to be

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/23/2016:  02:35:19

stupid and juvenile.

All things considered,,just

OM45GE - Posted - 09/23/2016:  03:30:00

do unto others as you would have them do unto you and you should be ok. 

Of course, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/23/2016:  04:15:49

sometime doing unto others kind of goes against the grain.

But when the going gets rough the

OM45GE - Posted - 09/23/2016:  05:21:21

smart folks change their brand of toilet paper.

I was noticing that

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/23/2016:  06:40:23

Einstein always used Sears catalogues while thinking his way to e=mc squared.

Deep thinkers usually

OM45GE - Posted - 09/23/2016:  09:42:16

find inspiration it mail order catalogues.

For example, Jean-Paul Satre

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/24/2016:  05:57:26

derived his philosophies of non-conformity and existentialism from the Quebec Eaton's catalogue while battling constipation.

However, he was never a

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/24/2016:  07:08:13

person to have regular movements of any kind.

One day he gathered up a basket of peaches and

OM45GE - Posted - 09/24/2016:  16:35:55

went home to whip up a delicious peach cobbler from his grandmother's secret recipe. 

It was secret because

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/24/2016:  18:57:49

no one could read grandma's Gallic handwriting ,learned from her cobbler father.

Resouling shoes

OM45GE - Posted - 09/24/2016:  19:11:54

is not as difficult as resouling sinners. 

Some would say 

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/25/2016:  03:58:07

the preacher on the corner is crazy.

People are reluctant to conform to

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/25/2016:  04:22:37

the new bylaw demanding all sinners to wear sackcloth and ashes on all Sundays starting with the letter "s".

My Dutch dictionary has no "y"

OM45GE - Posted - 09/25/2016:  06:29:48

but I don't know how long this has been going on because my calendar doesn't have any 3's. 

Last night someone

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/25/2016:  07:45:13

shoved a potato in my car exhaust pipe.

When I started up the engine

OM45GE - Posted - 09/25/2016:  07:50:34

the potato blew out of the pipe at an estimated 300 mph and smashed the windshield on the Mercedes belonging to my neighbor Ned, who lives across the street. 

He came storming over with

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/25/2016:  09:28:29

his lawyer brandishing lawsuit paperwork.

My driveway security cam

OM45GE - Posted - 09/25/2016:  13:27:57

showed beyond any doubt that I did not place the potato in my own tailpipe. 

However,it did show that I 

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/25/2016:  14:32:28

noticed it and maneuvered my car to aim directly at Ned's gutless Mercedes, the one he always brags about.

Proof, however, was not in

OM45GE - Posted - 09/25/2016:  17:49:01

the pudding, whatever the hell that means. 

No, the proof lay on the front seat

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/25/2016:  17:56:32

of MY car - a half empty bottle of 100 proof whisky that fired up enough anger to avenge Ned.

I offered Ned and his lawyer

OM45GE - Posted - 09/25/2016:  18:47:37

the chance to admit the utter futility of their legal efforts but they wouldn't listen to reason. 

Now, they finally 

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/25/2016:  20:19:30

went to the lab to see Dr. Heckelstein about testing the offending spud for DNA fingerprint samples.

The aging ,eccentric Dr.

OM45GE - Posted - 09/26/2016:  02:52:31

fancied himself a pioneering medical giant. 

In reality, he was just 

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/26/2016:  05:52:20

another Steve Erkle.

All he could say was

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/26/2016:  06:05:10

"Deoxyribonucleic acid is not the LSD that Dr. Leary ingested."

He then ate the spud

OM45GE - Posted - 09/26/2016:  11:09:53

and promptly died of Solanine poisoning.

It was a particularly ironic passing

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/26/2016:  11:34:52

because Heckelstein had been credited with discovering an antidote for solanine poisoning.

His last words were

OM45GE - Posted - 09/26/2016:  11:41:54

"one potato, two potato, three potato, four. I ate a green potato and now I am no more".

It was a pretty long statement considering

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/26/2016:  13:46:22

his blue complexion and green tongue.

Green eggs and ham

OM45GE - Posted - 09/26/2016:  14:53:15

don't sound particularly appetizing to me. 

I wonder why

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/26/2016:  20:16:08

Seuss claimed to be a Dr. since his vocabulary was extremely limited.



Children will have nightmares

Edited by - chuckv97 on 09/26/2016 20:17:08

OM45GE - Posted - 09/27/2016:  02:58:07

if you put them to bed while wearing a fright mask. 

It will also

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/27/2016:  03:57:20

decrease their ability to see..

Anyway,,all things being equal,,why don't we

OM45GE - Posted - 09/27/2016:  05:20:58

just go out on the town for a night of wild debauchery?

The last time we did that, we

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/27/2016:  08:15:08

debauched til the cows jumped over the moon, but like Pa used to say,"you can lead whisky to a horse, but ya can't make him inhale."

My old paint

OM45GE - Posted - 09/27/2016:  08:28:37

has completely dried up in the can so I am no longer able to paint the town red.

I am able to

sandyhookflash - Posted - 09/27/2016:  11:44:30

listen to the tune Kyle Burnett wrote for IIIrd Tyme Out, called "I Painted Brown County Red," but this makes me cry now. I just long for a simpler time when J.D. Crowe

OM45GE - Posted - 09/27/2016:  13:06:10

was starting out and nobody had heard of New Grass.

That sort of makes me a

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/27/2016:  15:19:38

crotchety old grumpy guy whose best years are behind him.

My wedding trousers are too tight