OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2015:  14:10:05

all pretended we didn't care what it said when, in fact, the suspense was killing us.

I went so far as to

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2015:  17:44:35

phone Hop Sing to coax him to come over and translate.

So he came wit' all the Cartwrights

OM45GE - Posted - 12/01/2015:  03:31:09

hoping for a bonanza of food and drink. 

When they arrived

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/01/2015:  04:37:45

they found no food to eat.

Hoss almost starved untill someone gave him

OM45GE - Posted - 12/01/2015:  07:02:18

a bushel basket filled with a dozen Kentucky Fried Chicken Family Meal buckets.

They expected Hoss to share, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/01/2015:  14:25:46

Ben had never taught him any social graces.

Hoss's cayuse groaned

OM45GE - Posted - 12/01/2015:  14:37:21

under the strain of Hoss' ponderous bulk, his spine hideously distorted and his legs trembling with the stress.

It was only a matter of time before

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/01/2015:  17:18:23

Hoss would be needing a new hoss.

But Little Joe went to town and

Edited by - banjoscotty on 12/01/2015 17:19:59

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/01/2015:  19:38:47

bought himself his own little house on the prairie.

He told the land dealer he was sick

OM45GE - Posted - 12/02/2015:  03:22:26

of living with a bunch of smelly cow hands and wants a lace of his own. 

The land dealer told him

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/02/2015:  04:08:20

that he could raise a family out there but it would be very difficult.

So Joe put a down payment on the place and

OM45GE - Posted - 12/02/2015:  06:47:34

had a vasectomy.

He figured that would

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/02/2015:  07:55:55

keep him out of trouble.

But little did he know that

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/02/2015:  08:07:51

the orphanage picked him to raise some children.

So he hired

OM45GE - Posted - 12/03/2015:  03:17:34

a stunt double to stand in for him, grew a beard and is living incognito is the woods above Big Sur. 

Now that his secret is out, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/03/2015:  05:38:43

he'll have trouble staying incognito.

He said he was going to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/03/2015:  16:49:31

pull a Richard Kimble and keep moving every coupl'a weeks.

But a one-armed man

OM45GE - Posted - 12/03/2015:  17:51:01

applying for wallpapering jobs is definitely going to attract attention. 

Perhaps he would be better off

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/04/2015:  03:59:01

to just stay home and play his fiddle.

So Johnny Gimble came over and is

OM45GE - Posted - 12/04/2015:  10:39:20

currently trying to ingratiate himself into the household.

He faces an uphill battle because

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/04/2015:  14:59:59

the wife and kids hate fiddle playing.

But Johnny wowed them

OM45GE - Posted - 12/04/2015:  16:51:59

with his unusual ability to lick his own eyebrows. 

It was the 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/06/2015:  06:57:49

highlight of the party.

No one really knows why Johnny

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/06/2015:  07:46:29

licked his eyebrows while playing fancy licks on the fiddle, but the gals in the front row were titillated.

Trouble is, Johnny always slept with his bow

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/06/2015:  09:07:58

under his pillow,,ready for a quick draw.

Mark O'Conner came to see Johnny but

OM45GE - Posted - 12/06/2015:  13:42:50

didn't call ahead first and was greeted by Avery naked and very upset Johnny. 

Worse, he was holding his

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/07/2015:  03:10:46

bow and ready to draw.

All at once Mark jumped sideways and

OM45GE - Posted - 12/07/2015:  03:34:53

took cover behind a large gained gnome. 

I wonder why

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/07/2015:  04:45:09

he didn't stand up to face Johnny?

Fiddle players are usually

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/07/2015:  06:47:14

playing in a different key than the one they tell the banjo players.

"Just slap that there capo

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/08/2015:  03:51:42

on the snare drum and go for it.

Sally was walking in the park when

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/08/2015:  06:31:23

Ann came by with a shopping cart full of old vinyl LP's.

Dumpster diving is an art

OM45GE - Posted - 12/08/2015:  09:09:20

I've never quite mastered. 

I usually end up

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/09/2015:  07:41:10

with dumpster do-do all over me.

Jackson Hole,Wy is a good

OM45GE - Posted - 12/09/2015:  11:41:08

place to go dumpster diving, at least in the summer time. 

The leftovers are pretty good and the 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/09/2015:  11:49:27

tie-wearing bears are too busy avoiding the ranger to bother you.

But BooBoo bore the brunt

OM45GE - Posted - 12/09/2015:  12:08:22

of the Park Service's efforts to reduce the bear-human conflicts. 

They took Boo Boo

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/10/2015:  16:13:56

to stay in an assisted living center.

The poor little feller doesn't know

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/10/2015:  22:13:19

how to flush a toilet, and is walking around with a bear butt.

The ass-istance team

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/11/2015:  02:30:08

is always busy tending to Chuck.

Never take any wooden nickles unless they

OM45GE - Posted - 12/11/2015:  03:20:04

are carefully wrapped in $100 bills. 

In that case, you

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/11/2015:  06:48:11

could accept the wooden nickle.

But be sure the $100 bills are not

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/11/2015:  07:39:24

made from recycled Sears catalogues found in outhouses in days of yore.

The authorities will

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/11/2015:  08:39:54

put you under the jail for that.

And if they can't find a jail to put you in they will

OM45GE - Posted - 12/11/2015:  12:33:38

tie you up wearing nothing but adult diapers and a sheepish grin. 

You will wish

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/12/2015:  06:24:26

that your parents had never made whoopee.

Sheepish grins are suspect

OM45GE - Posted - 12/12/2015:  08:06:42

under the best of circumstances and being tied up in public wearing nothing but adult diapers are far from ideal circumstances. 

The only thing worse

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/12/2015:  09:16:43

is when you nurse doesn't change your dirty diaper.

That's sure to create havoc in the main office and cause

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/12/2015:  12:46:17

a stink in the Assisted Living Youngtimers Glee Club.

A senior without a diaper