banjoscotty - Posted - 03/31/2015:  13:29:27

opposite of divorce?

If you are an American,you really should

OM45GE - Posted - 03/31/2015:  14:08:48

know the answer to questions like that.

For example, do you know

chuckv97 - Posted - 03/31/2015:  15:37:57

how many misguided lovers get married in Vegas every weekend.

Those little chapels

OM45GE - Posted - 04/01/2015:  03:55:26

usually have a sideline in divorce law. 

They get you coming

jistgreg - Posted - 04/01/2015:  04:44:13

around to their way of thinking, howsoever you are inclined.  

The word "howsoever" 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/01/2015:  06:41:57

is related to "housemover" , whose favo(u)rite song is Hank's "Move It On Over".

They take up

Edited by - chuckv97 on 04/01/2015 06:43:01

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/01/2015:  11:30:00

for all the movers on over.

Can't say I blame them,but

jistgreg - Posted - 04/01/2015:  14:25:23

I'll put my teeth in and try again: 

I blame them 

OM45GE - Posted - 04/02/2015:  06:10:08

for just about everything that is wrong in my life. 

That's a very long list because

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/02/2015:  13:41:03

my life has been a series of blunders and missed opportunities.

Sleeping on park benches

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/03/2015:  03:43:03

is what the rum-bums do best.

But don't forget about

Edited by - banjoscotty on 04/03/2015 03:43:59

OM45GE - Posted - 04/03/2015:  16:22:32

people who just prefer a park bench to a bed. 

Who are we to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2015:  16:41:19

pass judgement on a person's nocturnal habits.

My own preferance

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/03/2015:  17:24:03

is a reclining chair.

Orville Goosenthatch stole 3 chickens from the egg farm and

jistgreg - Posted - 04/03/2015:  18:40:48

lined them up at the side of the road to see if one or more of them would cross. 

Apparently, they lacked motivation  

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/03/2015:  20:48:12

but after an inspirational lecture by Tony Robbins, they cracked out of their lethargy.

Tony is a good egg

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/04/2015:  02:37:13

but later on,,he'll turn rotten.

One morning Tony's mom and dad got eaten by

jistgreg - Posted - 04/04/2015:  08:27:28

envy at Tony's success. 

He tried to motivational-talk them out of it, but they wanted 

OM45GE - Posted - 04/04/2015:  09:09:51

nothing to do with his annoyingly rosy outlook on life.

They preferred to wallow in

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/04/2015:  13:56:00

negativity, doom ,and gloom, with a side order of sour grapes.

One thing about sour grapes,though,

OM45GE - Posted - 04/04/2015:  18:04:33

if soured properly, they can make some really fine wine.

However, it takes

jistgreg - Posted - 04/05/2015:  03:22:02

two to raise a child, just as it takes a village to tango. 

To change a lightbulb, however, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/05/2015:  03:39:35

it takes 801 men.One to hold the light bulb,while the 800 turn the building.

One morning all the cows refused to give any

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/05/2015:  11:13:36

buttermilk, so I flogged'em with my cat'o'nine tails.

Bessie, the Bovine Union Rep,

OM45GE - Posted - 04/06/2015:  05:06:21

filed a grievance with local 201 of the FHA.

She was shocked to learn that FHA stood for Future Hamburgers of America and not

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/06/2015:  13:06:43

First Hand Artists.

But she never gave

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/06/2015:  14:49:44

another drop of milk to Farmer Douglas, or his airhead wife ,Lisa.

A cow needs

jistgreg - Posted - 04/06/2015:  19:45:07

to know she's appreciated, d@mmit! 

L. C. Borden claimed his Evaporated Milk came from "contented cows," but 

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2015:  03:05:01

how content could the have been given someone was evaporating the milk the worked so hard to produce.

Elsie was a good example of how L.C. treated

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2015:  03:07:31

I looked in and there was no radio to play them music.

What can they expect when

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2015:  03:58:19

they live in a barn?

it isn't their fault

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/07/2015:  04:32:48

Radio Shack came and repossessed the stereo that Bessie had procured through Union funds.

You can lead a cow to a salt block

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2015:  05:06:01

but you can't teach her to make salt block sculptures.

They have difficulty with

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2015:  10:12:00

"utterly" every thing they try to do.

There are many cows that can't speak English,so they

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2015:  13:26:41

have to use a translator whenever they wish to enter into civilized discourse with the farmer.

It's an interesting job because

Edited by - OM45GE on 04/07/2015 13:26:56

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2015:  13:48:11

the translator can't say Moo.

All the other farm animals

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2015:  13:50:03

like to stand around and make fun of him because he doesn't understand any of their languages.

They're able to talk about him

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2015:  14:49:33

because he can't spell cow.

His old Chevy pick up is just about

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/07/2015:  15:36:36

battered to pieces from those bucking mules that broke through the neighbo(u)r's fence.

Mules and Chevys

OM45GE - Posted - 04/08/2015:  11:13:31

have never gone together very well.

What would you call their children, mulvy's or

jistgreg - Posted - 04/08/2015:  12:41:37

Chevules? 

Where are the Nomenclature Police when you need 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/08/2015:  14:28:14

protection from clomenatural vigilantes terrorizing bookish nerds in the local library.

My taxes

OM45GE - Posted - 04/08/2015:  15:58:03

have been used to buy several cups of coffee before they were used up.

Next year I plan to

jistgreg - Posted - 04/08/2015:  17:09:59

switch from decaf to regular while I'm making plans. 

The best-laid plans of mice and men 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/08/2015:  17:48:25

have been foiled by mousetraps and seductive smiles from female barflies at Grim Jim's.



Dim lights, thick smoke,and

Edited by - chuckv97 on 04/08/2015 17:49:44

OM45GE - Posted - 04/09/2015:  05:24:00

a low cut blouse heighten the effects of the alcohol and render the unsuspecting male completely besotted.

Personally, I don't mind being

jistgreg - Posted - 04/09/2015:  12:42:22

sotted if the blouse is cut low enough and the liquor is better than Sterno. 

I've lost count of the wedding receptions I've 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/09/2015:  13:02:35

ruined by becoming besotted and crashing into the head table with my face landing in the bride's cleavage.

The groom usually

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/09/2015:  16:27:36

blushes and turns his head away.

Anyway,I shoot 38 special +P+'s and they