chuckv97 - Posted - 04/06/2017:  15:18:19

a nice box of Depends to keep me high and dry while I'm anchored to this seat for 5 hours.

Someone told me gambling is a vice

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2017:  03:07:46

but they clearly don't understand the pleasure I get from sitting all day transferring my money to the casino. 

As soon as I sell my car I'll have

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2017:  04:00:15

to walk wherever I want to go.

I'm 4 miles from town so

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2017:  06:46:56

I'll have to leave early to get to the casino on time.

My friends will be waiting

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2017:  07:28:42

with the ambulance!

Things would have been different if

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/07/2017:  07:40:34

I'd have been born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

But during my delivery the sawbones

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2017:  08:16:16

said.OK,you greedy people,,no more silver spoons from me!!

Even a silver spoon will not

Forrest - Posted - 04/07/2017:  09:10:25

be enough to cover my casino losses which seem to be mounting by the minute.

Does anyone have advice

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/07/2017:  09:34:14

Yes,,leave you money at home!

But if you do that you might have to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/07/2017:  09:51:28

use the underhanded services of a loan shark like Fingers Calhoun.

Guys like him

Forrest - Posted - 04/07/2017:  10:27:28

don't play around when it comes to money.

If you should decide not to pay up, 

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2017:  13:40:34

you may find yourself sleeping with the fishes in a pair of cement boots.

Of course, "sleeping" is a euphemism for 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/07/2017:  13:50:03

"losing weight", a running joke at mob central.

Tinted windows are a good idea

OM45GE - Posted - 04/07/2017:  14:24:19

if you're planning to transport a recently murdered associate in the back seat.

You may also want to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/08/2017:  15:41:55

put a handicapped driver sign on your rear view mirror and a Baby On Board decal on the back window.

If you get a flat

OM45GE - Posted - 04/09/2017:  09:55:43

it may be best to remove the plates and get the hell out of town. 

Even Tony the fixer

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/09/2017:  14:55:32

can't fix a fix like that.

Tomorrow is Monday so don't

OM45GE - Posted - 04/09/2017:  15:19:19

plan on ordering any Friday night specials at Rosie's Diner. 

You might consider ordering 

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/09/2017:  16:07:26

the Monday hash leftovers from Rosie's weekend after-hours party.

Rosie can sling hash

OM45GE - Posted - 04/10/2017:  02:46:34

with the best of them, but regular patrons know to wear rain slickers if they're sitting close to the action. 

The food will be

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/10/2017:  04:30:19

served cold and on paper plates.

Rosie has never had a

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/10/2017:  06:29:11

dishwasher, either of the human variety or the mechanical type.

Her motto is,"Take the money and run"

OM45GE - Posted - 04/10/2017:  10:41:23

except at 350 pounds, she doesn't run very fast or far.

The only excercize she gets is 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/10/2017:  11:23:56

when Chuck comes to see her.

Then she runs from him because

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/10/2017:  15:25:28

they have a troubled history, if you know what I mean.

Rosie has a tendency to eat crackers

OM45GE - Posted - 04/11/2017:  02:43:03

in bed and doesn't seem to be bothered by having to sleep on crumbs. 

But she howls if I 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/11/2017:  04:20:14

pinch her too hard on the "you know where".

But I've learned to save my money so

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/11/2017:  05:36:59

soon I'll be taking the money and running.

If you fly united

OM45GE - Posted - 04/12/2017:  02:35:12

you may decide you were better off walking. 

Don't believe it when they tell you 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/12/2017:  05:12:05

your seat is reserved.

They'll put you off the plane if

Forrest - Posted - 04/12/2017:  06:07:42

there is any possibility of overcrowding or overbooking.

The last time I flew, 

OM45GE - Posted - 04/12/2017:  08:38:29

my arms got tired when I was still miles from my destination.

I was over water at the time so that was

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/12/2017:  18:05:09

a frightening experience for the bass fishermen as I crashed into their inflatable raft.

The Game Warden (Warden Borden) came by and charged them

OM45GE - Posted - 04/12/2017:  18:30:07

running an illegal landing strip and violating several creating a nuisance ordinances.

They hired a lawyer who

Forrest - Posted - 04/12/2017:  18:41:08

even though he was from the practice of Frick and Frick, was surprisingly effective in causing the Judge to throw the book at me.

Being back in jail isn't that bad

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/13/2017:  00:27:21

after the hair-raising experiences I've had on the outside.

And my prison hairdresser

OM45GE - Posted - 04/13/2017:  02:51:18

knows how to express my feminine side with his subtlety seductive hairstyles. 

He also has great advice about 

Forrest - Posted - 04/13/2017:  11:02:39

how to wear a prison shirt to bring out the best in my figure.

My time here has made me popular

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/13/2017:  12:24:30

with the guards.

The warden does not like

OM45GE - Posted - 04/13/2017:  16:50:13

it when they call me Boss Man. 

His insecurity is palpable 

Forrest - Posted - 04/13/2017:  17:28:31

but justified considering my accumulated level of power and influence at the prison.

My biggest supporters are

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/14/2017:  02:38:04

the wives of the guards while they're on duty.

They wash my clothes and bake me cakes and

OM45GE - Posted - 04/14/2017:  03:35:08

then they expect me to provide an afternoon of passionate lovemaking. 

It's a tough job, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/14/2017:  05:23:36

it keeps me in good with the guards.

The warden will soon

OM45GE - Posted - 04/14/2017:  12:55:46

have to decide whether to have my sentence commuted or not.

I'm hoping he will not because I'm

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/14/2017:  23:26:23

a big fish in a small pond here.

Back home in Indiana I'm just a

OM45GE - Posted - 04/15/2017:  05:10:40

loser with a lot of jailhouse tattoos and a bad attitude looking for trouble. 

I seem to find trouble 

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/16/2017:  12:51:55

because "I'm Bad News".

I get paroled in the morning so

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/16/2017:  14:14:29

Ma's picking me up in the old pickup truck with Rover riding in the box.

Rover's been in the pound a few times