Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/25/2021:  05:18:24

from an military fighter jet cockpit because the pilot found her exceedingly irritating.

Most often

OM45GE - Posted - 11/25/2021:  05:45:39

those pilots are able to focus and ignore distractions.

However, she was

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/25/2021:  08:34:30

insisting on joining the Mile High Club while flying inverted and at speeds approaching Mach II.

Considering

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/25/2021:  08:38:13

her state of mind, she didn’t have the “right stuff”.

Actually, her “stuff”

OM45GE - Posted - 11/25/2021:  09:58:08

was never really right and some considered it just plain wrong.

However, it was the only stuff

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/26/2021:  09:13:09

she had to flaunt, but most of it was fake including her bolt-on boobies.

You

OM45GE - Posted - 11/26/2021:  10:46:01

can imagine the surprised look on a date’s face when she gets undressed.

First he’ll see the

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/26/2021:  11:29:19

wooden leg, then the varicose veins, and finally the artificial mammaries.

Her mother sighs

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/26/2021:  16:34:32

with consternation each time her daughter makes an appointment at “Botox For The Booty and Beyond”.

Her credit

OM45GE - Posted - 11/26/2021:  17:51:30

card is maxed out and she has been looking for a sugar daddy.

Unfortunately, all the

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/26/2021:  20:40:15

patsies she preyed on are now on Ryker’s Island.

Then of course there’s Horace down the street

OM45GE - Posted - 11/27/2021:  02:42:12

who would gladly be her sugar daddy.

Unfortunately, he

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/27/2021:  06:14:27

‘s so broke he can’t even pay attention.

His

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/27/2021:  08:10:55

ban account went into negative numbers.

Speaking of numbers

OM45GE - Posted - 11/27/2021:  10:57:26

some guy told me my number was up.

I think it was a compliment, but

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/27/2021:  13:02:28

it could also be an omen.

Come to think of it my sawbones told me not to buy green bananas

OM45GE - Posted - 11/27/2021:  16:30:00

which seemed silly because I don’t like green bananas.

I don’t like ripe bananas either, but

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/28/2021:  10:23:10

to each his own.

My new

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/28/2021:  11:19:42

life on steroids is better than my old life on booze.

I can fly

OM45GE - Posted - 11/28/2021:  12:13:59

like an eagle and sing like a dove and I swear my abs are getting tighter.

Not that it will

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/28/2021:  17:22:15

make a difference in my lifestyle I suppose. 



I

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 11/28/2021 17:24:06

OM45GE - Posted - 11/29/2021:  02:21:43

think it’s time to make another pot of coffee.

After that I

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/29/2021:  05:41:12

will be up for 2 days straight barricading my house against would-be thieves.

I’m good with electricity

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/29/2021:  07:30:57

and I often volunteer to fix my voluptuous neighbor lady’s shorts.

Quite often

OM45GE - Posted - 11/29/2021:  09:47:24

that sort of corny line gets good results.

However, she

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/29/2021:  11:23:30

has been around the block a few times.

She tells me repeatedly that she didn’t fall off

OM45GE - Posted - 11/29/2021:  14:25:19

the turnip truck yesterday.

I’ve only seen one turnip truck in my life and it didn’t

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/29/2021:  15:35:06

have seatbelts.

Sometimes

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/29/2021:  17:46:19

I wistfully recall days of yore.

Then my wife screeches at me

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2021:  03:44:16

and startles me out of my reverie.

I immediately

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/30/2021:  04:12:30

return my attention to what I thought I had been doing.

Occasionally

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2021:  07:30:33

my attention span might even last 1 minute.

Driving can be a problem

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/30/2021:  08:56:22

after I’ve stayed way too long at Alkali Ike’s Wild West Tap House.

Apparently

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2021:  10:51:06

my body doesn’t metabolize 12 beers in a couple of hours.

The local constabulary are

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2021:  11:07:33

aware of my situation and sometimes lock me in the drunk tank "for my own good".



They console me

Edited by - chuckv97 on 11/30/2021 11:08:04

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 11/30/2021:  13:38:12

with soft music and relatively comfortable accommodations, but I object to them calling me Otis.

At least

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2021:  14:14:23

they smile when they call me that.

If they didn’t

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/30/2021:  15:51:08

constantly watch Mayberry reruns id be a happy man.

My wife brings me

OM45GE - Posted - 11/30/2021:  19:04:54

to question what the hell I was thinking when I said “I do”.

It’s not that she’s

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 12/01/2021:  10:00:38

a harsh, cruel, demeaning, demanding, rude, angry, brazen, wanton slut or anything of that nature.

It just

OM45GE - Posted - 12/01/2021:  10:36:54

she’s…well, come to think of it, she is all of those things.



I, on the other hand, am

Edited by - OM45GE on 12/01/2021 10:37:14

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/01/2021:  11:35:53

a man of undeniable & indisputable integrity.

Why just yesterday

OM45GE - Posted - 12/01/2021:  13:29:52

I left half of the cash in the collection plate at church.

I planned to use the rest

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 12/01/2021:  14:10:43

for illicit purposes.

One thing

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/01/2021:  14:13:38

I’m poor at is honesty.

I’ll blame it on my Pa who

OM45GE - Posted - 12/01/2021:  20:22:58

was in the iron and steel business with my mother.

Mom stayed home an ironed while Dad stole

Pick-A-Lick - Posted - 12/02/2021:  06:55:00

and pilfered ending up behind iron and steel bars.

Its not 

Edited by - Pick-A-Lick on 12/02/2021 06:55:23

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/02/2021:  07:46:18

his fault he got caught.

Mom’s boyfriend

OM45GE - Posted - 12/02/2021:  14:14:12

snitched on him.

I think he was trying