chuckv97 - Posted - 06/05/2018:  06:06:29

finely crafted using slave labour from Tasmania.

Never drive your car on a pier on a foggy night

OM45GE - Posted - 06/05/2018:  06:31:05

without making sure your insurance is in effect.

I didn't and

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/05/2018:  21:06:55

I had to fish my Chevy out of the water with Jerry-rigged come-along.

Eels has eaten

OM45GE - Posted - 06/06/2018:  09:50:32

the marajuana brownies I had left on the seat.

They were swimming

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/06/2018:  11:03:10

backwards, with the odd graceful rollover.

Never ask an eel if he’s electric

OM45GE - Posted - 06/06/2018:  13:44:36

while holding it in your hand.

They sometimes get angry and

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/07/2018:  13:09:52

will give you a current answer.

But it's ok if

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/07/2018:  13:20:03

you charge up your cell phone with one.

Just get some wire and a coupla alligator clips

OM45GE - Posted - 06/07/2018:  13:33:43

but make sure you get the polarity correct.

If you don't,

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/07/2018:  16:48:04

the phone will become bipolar.

I hope you understand that and

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/07/2018:  17:13:21

have some lithium on hand, just in case.

A case of the blues

OM45GE - Posted - 06/07/2018:  17:53:33

is difficult to carry so you have to put it down before it gets you down.

If you ask for help, you may

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/07/2018:  22:55:47

get more than you bargained for.



A pill-pushing sawbones

Edited by - chuckv97 on 06/07/2018 22:56:06

OM45GE - Posted - 06/08/2018:  02:55:48

may offer you a quick pharmacological fix.



That’s the first step

Edited by - OM45GE on 06/08/2018 02:56:23

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/08/2018:  04:29:50

to falling off the edge.

just take some aspirins and

OM45GE - Posted - 06/08/2018:  04:36:41

use them as ammo in a straw peashooter.

They’re surprisingly accurate and

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/08/2018:  11:59:09

keep your enemy bleeding for hours.

Another vengeful act

OM45GE - Posted - 06/09/2018:  04:41:26

is the old Saran Wrap on the toilet trick.

I know it’s juvenile, but I

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/09/2018:  23:46:54

would rather stay immature than grow old gracefully.

At the age of 68 I’ve enrolled

OM45GE - Posted - 06/12/2018:  03:36:47

the Army Special Forces training program.

I’m hoping

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/12/2018:  05:28:38

it will lead to a nice pension in 30 years.

I’ll never

OM45GE - Posted - 06/12/2018:  06:35:47

actually get to enjoy the pension myself, but I’m hoping my widow will.

She’s hoping

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/12/2018:  16:31:59

to outlast me, just out of pure spite.

Her dream of owning a 1969 Buick Skylark

OM45GE - Posted - 06/12/2018:  17:58:38

came true when her last husband's car fell off the jack-stands.

To say he was crushed would be

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/15/2018:  21:28:41

understatement; however, she laughed all the way to the bank.

Always check the legs on

OM45GE - Posted - 06/16/2018:  04:21:51

the sexy next-door neighbor.

You may find

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/16/2018:  07:23:39

a cop at your door sent by the MeToo movement.

Just offer him a French cruller

OM45GE - Posted - 06/16/2018:  14:07:48

and a cup of Irish coffee.

He may decide to

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/16/2018:  20:50:42

sleep off his indisposition on your living room couch.

You can then booby-trap

OM45GE - Posted - 06/18/2018:  17:23:05

his boots by bolting them to the ceiling and then lacing him into them.

When he wakes up

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/20/2018:  18:08:00

he’ll have blood-shot eyes and blue toes.

He’ll be on workman’s compensation

OM45GE - Posted - 06/21/2018:  04:37:15

until his retirement kicks in so he may thank you profusely, forgetting all about your sexy neighbor.

On the other hand, he may

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/22/2018:  22:20:56

throw your sorry-looking carcass in jail for defacing Police Dept. property.

Then you’ll be in front of Judge “Hanging” Harry Hannibal

OM45GE - Posted - 06/23/2018:  06:00:56

who takes particular pleasure in teaching practical jokers a lesson.

He says they

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/25/2018:  06:39:31

are a menace to society and should be stoned in the public square.

So he contacted Rocky Rhodes

OM45GE - Posted - 06/25/2018:  07:05:00

, who never quite understood why an ice-cream flavor came to be named after him.

He wondered if

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/28/2018:  05:30:21

he should sue Ben & Jerry.

Rocky owns the gravel pit

OM45GE - Posted - 06/28/2018:  11:04:32

and his sister runs the excavator.

Sometimes she takes it

Edited by - OM45GE on 06/28/2018 11:04:59

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/28/2018:  15:41:39

to the liquor store before the afternoon break.

She tried the drive-thru

OM45GE - Posted - 06/29/2018:  03:41:16

at the local McDonald’s but that didn’t work out very well.

First, she didn’t

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/29/2018:  14:38:06

fit under the low clearance overhead barrier, then she rammed the lineup in front of her , pushing them all past the takeout window.

She then barked her order

OM45GE - Posted - 06/30/2018:  04:58:33

at the plastic Ronald McDonald but she had pulled down the wires so the drive through attendant couldn’t hear her.

That just made her

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/30/2018:  05:05:14

boil over with anger, causing employees to run for their lives.

In her defense, Rocky hadn’t paid her in 6 weeks

OM45GE - Posted - 06/30/2018:  05:18:26

and had lost interest in her physically.

That was probably because

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/30/2018:  10:29:04

she liked eating head cheese and drinking apple cider vinegar while watching B-rated movies at the Sunset Drive-In.

Her breath could

OM45GE - Posted - 06/30/2018:  12:50:55

strip the paint of a battleship.

In fact, the Navy

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/01/2018:  05:24:06

was interested in hiring her at the Portland dry docks.

Sailors there spend

OM45GE - Posted - 07/01/2018:  17:50:09

a lot of money on tattoos and even more on tattoo removal.

They thought she could

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/03/2018:  07:38:12

remove embarrassing tattoos by breathing passionately on them.

Her future would be guaranteed