OM45GE - Posted - 05/08/2017:  02:28:09

which I find very convenient when the urge to purge strikes. 

However, the cats don't like it because 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/08/2017:  04:07:16

now they have no place to walk.

This bothered Chuck so he

OM45GE - Posted - 05/08/2017:  04:22:16

organized a sit in protest and invited all his friends to join him.

After days of sitting on the curb alone,

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/08/2017:  06:17:25

he figured he didn't have one friend who shared his grievances.

"With friends like these, who needs

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/08/2017:  08:11:53

to go sit on a danged old curb anyway?

Only 738 more hours and I can

OM45GE - Posted - 05/08/2017:  10:48:18

say that I have wasted an entire five years.

I hoping that will get me some

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/08/2017:  12:55:53

more welfare money ,especially since I've been flirting with my case worker, Agatha.

She'll get a nice pension

OM45GE - Posted - 05/08/2017:  18:59:20

that I hope to enjoy along with her. 

We can spend our days

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/08/2017:  20:19:12

binge-watching Gunsmoke reruns and ordering in Mexican food.

Agatha, however, has a pre-existing condition

OM45GE - Posted - 05/09/2017:  02:40:59

known as "motor mouth" and for good reason. 

That woman hardly 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/09/2017:  10:50:29

can shut up even with food in her mouth.

But her 5 children are very

OM45GE - Posted - 05/09/2017:  11:06:34

good at slipping a word in edgewise now and then.

It doesn't do any good though because she just

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/09/2017:  12:36:54

talks even louder.

I'm going to trade her for a parrot.Then maybe

OM45GE - Posted - 05/09/2017:  13:27:10

I'll feel like I'm having a real conversation instead just listening to a monolog.

No that I think of it, the parrot might be a better

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/09/2017:  23:14:48

listener, but I'll have to teach it to cook my eggs over easy.

Parrots always tell me to

OM45GE - Posted - 05/10/2017:  02:42:38

take my crackers and shove them where the sun don't shine. 

Why they would 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/10/2017:  07:12:40

say a thing like that I'll never know.

Capt.Hook had a parrot that

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/10/2017:  10:31:04

pecked on his wooden leg and shat on his hand-hook.

By hook or by crook

OM45GE - Posted - 05/10/2017:  13:35:20

that parrot had stolen Captain Hook's heart.

Hook was known to say

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/11/2017:  09:46:32

Mr. Parrot,,bring the ship about..

Hook's crew was very jealous so

OM45GE - Posted - 05/11/2017:  09:58:07

one day they cooked the parrot and fed it to Captain Hook, saying it was pheasant under glass.

Hook wondered where they found a pheasant and  

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/11/2017:  09:59:56

where they found a glass platter and lid out on the ocean blue.

Superstitions abound on the briny deep

OM45GE - Posted - 05/11/2017:  10:02:07

run rampant on a pirate ship.

For instance, most pirates believe that

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/11/2017:  15:12:23

Davy isn't in the locker.

Although Davy didn't say anything about

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/11/2017:  16:07:07

walking the plank, his many victims said it was a fun ride until asphyxiation set in.

If you've never been to sea, Billy

OM45GE - Posted - 05/12/2017:  02:53:51

Budd told Herman Melville, you shouldn't try to write novels about it. 

Oh, but I have 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/12/2017:  03:14:58

because I once spent 7 hours on a charter fishing boat.

But we didn't have a parrot or

OM45GE - Posted - 05/12/2017:  04:34:15

other stereotypical pirate items like eye patches, hooks and peg legs.

However, after I poked myself in the eye with my latte straw, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/12/2017:  09:22:45

I imagined myself to be a salty sea dog.

I was in the crow's nest

OM45GE - Posted - 05/12/2017:  09:54:40

trying to figure out what everyone was crowing about when I spied another ship on the horizon.

That got me to thinking about the existential nature of ships on the horizon and I started 

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/12/2017:  13:43:37

to mentally spiral down into hallucinations of horrific experiences.

A landlubber I'll always be

OM45GE - Posted - 05/12/2017:  13:46:45

until they come up with a truly effective seasickness medication.

Puking over the rail is not

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/12/2017:  13:55:24

the best way to impress your date, and neither is throwing your back out doing the limbo.

Cruise ships should be outlawed

OM45GE - Posted - 05/12/2017:  18:35:35

for being such hideous monstrosities and a blight on the oceans. 

Some folks obviously enjoy them, but why

MWBailey - Posted - 05/13/2017:  00:01:31

do we need five shuffleboard decks?

I long for the days when I used to lounge on the deck in my leather

OM45GE - Posted - 05/13/2017:  03:18:29

thong, which got lots of admiring looks from fellow passengers. 

It also

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/13/2017:  07:19:28

worked on the pirate ship.

There were no female pirates so I jumped overboard and

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/13/2017:  14:40:28

chased Davy Jones' sister, Dinah.

Davy had locked her

OM45GE - Posted - 05/13/2017:  19:32:44

in some velvet wrist and ankle restraints.

When I tried to remove them she

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/14/2017:  04:19:38

smiled and said,"take me".

I wondered where she wanted me to take her so I asked

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/14/2017:  05:28:55

a passing uber vessel for directions to lovers lane.

Shipping lanes were congested

OM45GE - Posted - 05/14/2017:  16:58:41

so we dumped a couple of tons of decongestant into the ocean. 

Suddenly, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/14/2017:  17:14:03

the whole ocean floor erupted!

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the See and it didn't even

OM45GE - Posted - 05/14/2017:  17:41:12

see as deep as my bathtub.

Of course, my bathtub is

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/14/2017:  18:16:14

an imported model built by the Chinese with a bottomless base.

We're still searching for

OM45GE - Posted - 05/15/2017:  02:53:41

the soap we dropped the last time we took a bath. 

The SCUBA divers say

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/15/2017:  03:34:29

there is even a Walmart down there..

Three mermaids kidnapped him and

OM45GE - Posted - 05/15/2017:  11:51:52

when he finally came back to the surface he couldn't stop smiling for two weeks.

He kept mumbling something about

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/15/2017:  12:02:06

spawning, sparking and tail-wagging.

But be careful - mermaids often