OM45GE - Posted - 06/07/2015:  17:41:37

lenses that warn following cars that there is a vehicle ahead. 

It's not always easy

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/07/2015:  18:12:25

being a single child. (or lone wolf)

So I told Mama I wanted a

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/07/2015:  19:42:14

pork chop tied around my neck so the dog would play with me.

Then a new family moved in next door

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/08/2015:  03:28:43

and they had a tiger that loved pork chops.

Well,that tiger just leaped over the fence and

OM45GE - Posted - 06/08/2015:  09:00:23

completely devoured me in a few large gulps.

I'm writing this from

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/08/2015:  09:14:09

the belly of a tiger, but I'm in luck- he swallowed my IPad along with me.

The vet will show up

OM45GE - Posted - 06/08/2015:  09:31:25

soon and with a little luck I'll be out of here soon.

Hopefully this tiger isn't

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/08/2015:  10:10:59

the one in the Little Black Sambo story.

If he is,I'll just

OM45GE - Posted - 06/08/2015:  12:06:08

end up being slowly dissolved by his digestive juices and no one will ever know what happened to me.

It's sort of

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/08/2015:  16:41:30

sad but we all gotta go sometime.

They need semi truck drivers in Asia to

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/08/2015:  18:42:52

haul tigers to China where GMO food has created giant mice.

All Chinese cheese has

OM45GE - Posted - 06/09/2015:  03:38:50

an alliterative name right out of the gate. 

Chinese cheddar cheese is

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/09/2015:  04:08:31

simply a Chinese cheese that has been cheddared.

All of Kraft Food Corp is being investigated by

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/09/2015:  10:24:01

the International Brotherhood of Cheeseheads, aka Wisconsinites/Badgers.

They're fighting management

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/09/2015:  18:55:43

issues with the IRS.


But Uncle Sam is the only one who

jistgreg - Posted - 06/10/2015:  03:58:50

can force a showdown with Kraft. 

They could also force a hoedown 

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/10/2015:  07:15:03

if they had a hoe.

Old King Cole was

OM45GE - Posted - 06/10/2015:  12:00:02

thought to be a merry old soul, but in reality he was a mean spirited and quite nasty old bugger. 

I remember the time he

jistgreg - Posted - 06/10/2015:  12:45:02

buggered exercised the royal prerogative on the court jester, Lester. 

"Good Ol' Les" had been taking banjo lessons, but 

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/10/2015:  13:21:43

because his name wasn't Earl, King Cole sent him to the pit and the pendulum.

Here he sweated bullets

OM45GE - Posted - 06/11/2015:  03:28:38

ever fretful that the king would show up in his skivvies with a sly smile on his face  

This went on for

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/11/2015:  09:30:00

near bout' 3 years.

Then one day Les escaped and

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/11/2015:  10:02:22

stole the King's white steed, racing off to the nearest watering hole to relax his mind.

There he met

OM45GE - Posted - 06/11/2015:  14:35:30

several other escapees from the king's evil clutches. 

They realized

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/12/2015:  04:38:12

that if they banded together,they would be a stronger force.

So they voted Les to be

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/12/2015:  08:15:44

head bandmaster of their merry little band of pranksters.

Well, the merriment

jistgreg - Posted - 06/12/2015:  09:25:37

that Mary meant to go on to the "whee" hours was cut short. 

It wasn't when someone asked, "Shouldn't it be the 'wee' hours?'"; it was 

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/12/2015:  11:31:19

when Mary, dancing lewdly on tables, exclaimed, "Whee! Are you men having fun yet?!".

Then the vis(c)e squad stormed in

OM45GE - Posted - 06/12/2015:  18:55:20

and arrested everyone sitting in the front row so they could have the seats. 

They weren't very good

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/13/2015:  10:33:55

at arresting people and the people came back and mugged the squad.

Now Elliot Ness is in trouble for

jistgreg - Posted - 06/13/2015:  11:50:46

locking the fire doors and shouting, "FIRE!" 

"Why did you Lock, Ness, you Monster?" said 

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/13/2015:  14:50:58

Buford Ratchet, a vise salesman from Peoria, in town for some frivolity and hijinks.

The vice squad unceremoniously

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/13/2015:  15:53:31

took the tires off his car and un-hooked the battery.

They then staked out his

jistgreg - Posted - 06/13/2015:  21:58:32

sorry carcass on an anthill and poured honey all over him. 

"That's how we roll in

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/14/2015:  02:39:51

the "cheesehead" country.

"White men can't jump",but they

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/14/2015:  06:30:07

can score on an odd man rush.

"Bulging the twine"

OM45GE - Posted - 06/15/2015:  03:10:47

with a wrist shot is particularly satisfying. 

Although a slap shot is

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/15/2015:  08:21:54

sexier, a deft backhand can get get your attention right quick.

A scorned woman

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/15/2015:  15:27:02

will scorn,hackle, and nag a men to death.

Then she will

OM45GE - Posted - 06/15/2015:  16:44:41

want him to talk about how he feels. 

It's enough to make you

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/15/2015:  16:51:29

call a cab and head over to Grim Jim's Bar &Grill.

The women there

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/15/2015:  18:27:39

buy drinks for all the men.

But the bartender said,shut up and

jistgreg - Posted - 06/15/2015:  20:41:49

show me the color of your money." 

He doesn't care whether you spend it; he just likes Canadian cash better because it's 

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/15/2015:  21:07:18

immune to the skulduggery of unethical banksters.

He also gets perks from Molson

OM45GE - Posted - 06/16/2015:  03:39:44

if he convinces his patrons to buy Molson's products instead of their competitors from south of the border. 

The Labatts salesman doesn't 

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/16/2015:  04:39:02

carry all of the preferred products.

Some of the products are out dated and

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/16/2015:  06:15:19

sold to unsuspecting tipsy Floridians, who lap it up like there's no tomorrow.

Never ask your lap dog

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/16/2015:  08:50:59

to sniff out a Canadian,,the dogs get them confused with the muskrats.

When riding a snow mobile never

OM45GE - Posted - 06/16/2015:  14:53:40

ask your passenger to hold your beer so you can try something. 

It's unlikely that you'll