chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2014:  15:45:17

crawl into a narrow culvert to chase a ball, you'll get stuck. 

I didn't listen and

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2014:  16:08:25

Here I am, up to my shoulders in

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2014:  21:21:10

kaka and doodoo.

Luckily a backhoe came by and

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  02:04:02

dug me out. 

once free, I 

ErikH - Posted - 02/06/2014:  02:20:46

was badly in need of a shower.

I was forced to settle for

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  02:38:10

having extra room around me on the bus.

Nobody seemed to

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/06/2014:  04:31:12

want to talk to me.

I never spend more than

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  04:46:38

$1,000 on a haircut.

For that matter, I never

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/06/2014:  06:40:26

milk the same cow twice.

Old Hickery said we could

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  07:49:43

play with his Civil War cannon.

We never suspected that it

RandyZ - Posted - 02/06/2014:  07:52:16

was actually a camera.

So, as the girls played on the beach, we were snapping away when all of a sudden...

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  07:54:54

the gunpowder exploded and the cannonball shot from the muzzle.

The girls were not

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  09:11:49

dressed for the occasion as we looked in amaisment at their Lilly white

When I saw the guy running I knew

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  10:03:40

we were in trouble.

He had a look about him as if

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  10:34:16

he had swallowed a cat with a long tail

She took my car keys and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  10:46:21

my prewar banjo and stormed off.

Nearing the Mexican border, she

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/06/2014:  11:18:25

pulled into a truckstop in Texax,a place called Hamburger Dans'.

Meanwhile the "gators" back in my swamp

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  11:23:02

were getting hungry.

I invited a couple of the neighbors

RandyZ - Posted - 02/06/2014:  11:27:01

who wear eye patches, because they think it looks cool.

i offered them my rubber dingy to....

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  11:41:11

hall supplies in while going to the other side

My foot gets tired when I

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  11:47:36

kick butt all day long.

I may have to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  11:51:23

extricate it from said rectum.

Prostate exams can be arousing for some

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  12:36:11

but I find them particularly unpleasant.

If only they didn't

jistgreg - Posted - 02/06/2014:  13:56:16

shove glass shards up there to catch me by surprise.... 

I could have been a dentist 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  14:27:28

if I had finished seventh grade in school

The boat ride was ok until

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  14:27:48

and spent my days looking into mouths.

Instead I

ErikH - Posted - 02/06/2014:  14:35:45

opted to look into keyholes.

You'd be surprised at how many

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  15:45:56

amazing things you can see.

For example, yesterday I actually saw

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  15:52:27

another eye looking back at me.

I hate when

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  15:58:25

that happens.

It completely freaks me out to the point that I

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  16:16:17

went back to bed and covered my head for two hours

I got a store coupon that said

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  16:28:20

"Twenty dollars off coffins this week".

Do they really think I'd fall for

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  17:22:23

that old scam.

I thought it had

jistgreg - Posted - 02/06/2014:  17:57:08

run its course when no Nigerian princes would fall for it. 

Speaking of Nigeria, 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2014:  17:59:09

have you seen the melons they have?

The last time I saw melons like those,

jistgreg - Posted - 02/06/2014:  18:16:47

it was in John Cougar's Melon Camp. 

John Mellon's Cougar Camp was more fun for some people 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  18:20:21

but others had different opinions

If you could see these stairs you would

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  19:41:40

buy a seniors' stair lift.

I saw the one my senile uncle had

Scaggs7 - Posted - 02/06/2014:  19:58:12

but couldn't really identify it till I saw it with my own eyes

The one that worried me the most was

jistgreg - Posted - 02/06/2014:  21:51:10

the Cadillac of stairlifts. 

It takes a worried man 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2014:  02:54:55

to sing a worried song.

I never understood

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/07/2014:  04:42:01

why women were not included in that song.

It took me a month of Sundays because

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2014:  04:51:12

There were not Saturdays on my calendar.

That was very odd because

jistgreg - Posted - 02/07/2014:  05:42:15

it was midnight on the ocean. 

The man behind the counter was a woman old and grey 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2014:  06:01:23

and surprisingly feminine.

I found myself oddly attracted

RandyZ - Posted - 02/07/2014:  08:01:31

to the drab shades of non-color.





then in a flash, i blurted out....

Edited by - RandyZ on 02/07/2014 08:01:50

jistgreg - Posted - 02/07/2014:  08:05:47

"Holy smoke -- the church is on fire!" 

While the organ pealed potatoes 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2014:  08:54:18

and the bells rang the alarm.

It was all rather curious considering the church

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2014:  09:52:48

preached fire and brimstone.

My Aunt Ethel was camping