banjoscotty - Posted - 12/13/2015:  02:10:52

just run around naked.

But that is frowned upon at

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/13/2015:  06:45:26

the weekly bowling tournament where many folks end up in the gutter.

The spare is in my trunk

OM45GE - Posted - 12/13/2015:  12:38:20

but it's bald and flat so it doesn't do me any good.  

Come to think of it, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/13/2015:  15:49:36

there is no air in it either.

If you keep putting one foot in front of the other you'll soon be

OM45GE - Posted - 12/13/2015:  17:53:47

much closer to where you want to be. 

Unless, of course, you don't 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/13/2015:  19:08:15

desire forward motion, in which case your suit is in Racine.

Speaking of suitcases ,

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2015:  03:19:58

there was a nut case who brought suit because his lawnmower didn't have a warning label saying it shouldn't be used as a hedge trimmer. 

He's going to miss those fingers but expects

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/14/2015:  04:28:41

healthy regrowth of the hedge.

Don't mess with small children,they

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/14/2015:  06:32:48

will poke out your eyes with Lego and bite your ankles.

Kids on a sugar high

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2015:  08:35:47

can have the ferocity of a Tasmanian Devil. 

I know because 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/14/2015:  10:20:16

I am one.

Be nice and Santa might

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2015:  13:48:27

let you drive his sleigh on Christmas Eve. 

Just be sure to wear

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/14/2015:  14:40:28

bells on your toes and rings in your nose.

Santa wants entertainment value

OM45GE - Posted - 12/14/2015:  15:27:36

if he's going to be giving rides to total strangers. 

He doesn't pick up

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/14/2015:  18:40:02

normal strangers.

When the moon comes over the mountain will you

jistgreg - Posted - 12/14/2015:  20:44:16

kiss your butt goodbye? 

The tidal disruption alone will 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/14/2015:  21:14:53

cause panic when the cow jumps over the moon.

Cattle never moon each other

OM45GE - Posted - 12/15/2015:  03:23:57

mostly because the usually don't wear trousers so mooning is pretty much pointless. 

However, they have been known to 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/15/2015:  04:58:00

moo_ each other.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXY and that all I

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/15/2015:  08:02:23

remember about grade one...and oh yeah- z for zebra.

Canucks say zed, not zee , so

jistgreg - Posted - 12/15/2015:  08:22:52

zay wot I zed, not wot u zee. 

Gabby Johnson was a past master at speaking Authentic Western Gibberish 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/15/2015:  09:15:50

but could ride a horse at all.

So re rented a carridge and

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/15/2015:  13:44:14

a mule to take him to the chuck wagon races , where cowpokes upchuck from drinking rotgut whisky.

Never buy whisky from a

OM45GE - Posted - 12/15/2015:  15:29:34

snake oil salesman. 

You're likely to get

jistgreg - Posted - 12/15/2015:  17:34:37

blind drunk (more blind than drunk), delerium tremens, and arrested.  

The night I spent in the drunk tank 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/15/2015:  18:32:37

was a turning point in my life - I never got tanked again.

A tankard of ale

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/16/2015:  02:09:03

should be poured down the drain..

The Lone Ranger's mask was made from

OM45GE - Posted - 12/16/2015:  03:38:04

silk from a nightgown belonging to one of the girls at Miss Fanny's brothel. 

He was a frequent visitor who liked

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/16/2015:  04:42:51

to introduce Bill to the Ladies.

Bill said,,OH,Thank you Ladies for

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/16/2015:  05:07:43

spiking my drink and taking my money.

I can't get no satisfaction

jistgreg - Posted - 12/16/2015:  06:17:56

begging my English teacher for a higher grade. 

Teachers around the world 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/16/2015:  17:56:01

have been told about the incident and now I can't get away with anything anywhere. 

It's getting quite frustrating 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/18/2015:  01:47:43

being a student in school.

But one day I'll be out on my own and will be

OM45GE - Posted - 12/18/2015:  04:18:25

able to bring my own special form of mayhem to the rest of the world. 

I'm looking forward to

Edited by - OM45GE on 12/18/2015 04:18:45

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/18/2015:  05:13:46

spray painting the sheriff's car.

Then Maybe weld all doors shut at

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/18/2015:  06:14:02

Burl's Body Shop, where all the beer-swilling rednecks hang out.

Junkyard dogs like

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/18/2015:  11:27:05

Hootch never amount to anything.

Boxers make good family dogs and

OM45GE - Posted - 12/18/2015:  19:02:01

devoted companions. 

They even like 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/18/2015:  19:44:14

all the hoopla on Boxing Day, when folks honor their presence.



But getting a boxer to jump through hoops

Edited by - chuckv97 on 12/18/2015 19:44:59

jistgreg - Posted - 12/18/2015:  20:01:49

involves K.O.ing him in fewer than four rounds. 

Stacking boxes before and abaft the hoops 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/19/2015:  04:40:30

and rolling the comatose nixed down a long ramp with a carefully calculated slope ending just above the hoop. 

If the ramp is too steep

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/19/2015:  05:57:01

the boxers resort to pulling themselves up by their bootstraps.

"Remember", they said, "always

OM45GE - Posted - 12/19/2015:  06:11:07

make sure your bootstraps are securely fastened to your boots. 

If they are not, you may

jistgreg - Posted - 12/19/2015:  08:48:25

find yourself boxing your own ears. 

Ears with boxes on them look 

OM45GE - Posted - 12/19/2015:  09:36:29

pretty silly. 

But not as silly as

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/19/2015:  09:57:53

a fat guy in a red suit trying to squeeze down chimneys.

Black lung is a seasonal disorder

OM45GE - Posted - 12/19/2015:  10:08:08

if you are Santa or a chimney sweep. 

Perhaps they should

J e f f - Posted - 12/19/2015:  17:32:02

become proctologists.

The only issue that proctologists have to deal with is

OM45GE - Posted - 12/19/2015:  18:04:55

what to do with the piles of money they earn practicing medicine on other people butts. 

It's not something I