OM45GE - Posted - 06/26/2015:  04:10:13

not trying to seduce her sisters and cousins. 

That's a sure fire way to 

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/26/2015:  05:04:35

git a dee-vorse before you git mare-ee'd.

But don't give up,there are ways to

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/26/2015:  09:48:02

roll in the hay without a licenc(s)e - just ask any clodhopper.

Never plough a clay field

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/26/2015:  11:49:33

when it's frozen.

When cow patties get dried out,you can

OM45GE - Posted - 06/26/2015:  14:43:02

have a cow pie tossing contest. 

I like to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/26/2015:  17:21:22

heave them off highway bridges onto cop cars passing below.

Their windshield wipers

OM45GE - Posted - 06/26/2015:  17:42:27

are pretty useless against a well tossed fresh cow pie. 

Of course, arrest is a concern, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/26/2015:  18:34:17

they had to catch us first.

North Hampton had only one police car so

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/26/2015:  19:07:55

the force all piled into the one squad car driven by Sgt. O'Hara.

When there was trouble

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/27/2015:  02:50:13

O'Hara would call Springfield for backup.

But the call was always forwarded to

OM45GE - Posted - 06/27/2015:  04:34:19

the Shady Rest Retirement home. 

That was the only place in town

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/27/2015:  07:21:31

that answered police calls from out of town.

Mrs McGillicutty was the receptionist who was in charge of

OM45GE - Posted - 06/27/2015:  13:09:24

bingo, denture cleaning, the cleaning staff and police dispatch. 

She also moonlighted as a

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/27/2015:  16:09:15

private detective.

One night while she was detecting something,two thugs forced

OM45GE - Posted - 06/27/2015:  17:03:43

her to watch their thuggery but unbeknownst to them, she was recording everything on her iPhone. 

After they were arrested they said, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/27/2015:  20:43:06

"You can fool an old broad once in a while, but McGillicutty ain't no ordinary dame."

So she slapped

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/28/2015:  02:38:41

the pee out of them and said; "SHUT UP SCUM"!!!

She was tough as leather and as mean as

OM45GE - Posted - 06/28/2015:  14:32:05

a pissed off rattlesnake. 

She would strike without warning and

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/28/2015:  21:07:10

get you in a full nelson before you can say Horatio Hornblower.

But the one thing that terrifies her

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/29/2015:  01:30:01

is when she hears someone whistles "Dixie".

She would go abb-soe-lute-lee buzz-erck and begin

OM45GE - Posted - 06/29/2015:  07:47:55

flailing about with that big stick she carries around. 

You need to 

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/29/2015:  08:20:43

head out for high timber right away.

By the way,,she has a sister that

chuckv97 - Posted - 06/29/2015:  11:17:50

plays rough too.

The men she attracts

banjoscotty - Posted - 06/29/2015:  14:40:09

never see the light of another day.

But fear not,,the Duck is here and

OM45GE - Posted - 06/30/2015:  14:02:01

knows how to tame a wild woman. 

He usually starts out

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/01/2015:  04:11:07

by putting salt on their tails.

But it takes 7lbs of salt per tail and

OM45GE - Posted - 07/01/2015:  04:28:22

the logistics are getting to be problematic. 

He's had to hire a dump truck with a driver and

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/01/2015:  08:20:47

a willow switch to get them to listen.

My advice would be

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/01/2015:  08:57:42

don't be a dump truck driver.

Always play the electric guitar with the volume wide open so the

OM45GE - Posted - 07/01/2015:  14:56:36

neighbors can hear every nuance of your playing. 

If they complain, tell them

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/01/2015:  16:30:33

to buy a banjo and compete with the bedlam.

A noisy neighborhood

OM45GE - Posted - 07/01/2015:  17:50:49

is an active community.

On the other hand, if you want

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/01/2015:  18:57:43

to date the neighbors daughter,,everyone knows about it.

She's a jabber-jaw and will tell,,,unless you

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/01/2015:  19:35:21

promise to buy her a big rock for her birthday.

A granite boulder

jistgreg - Posted - 07/01/2015:  22:13:40

such as Plymouth Rock, with an option on the Brooklyn Bridge. 

Alternately, you might want to 

OM45GE - Posted - 07/02/2015:  05:55:58

just move the hell out of town. 

It may be easier than

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/02/2015:  06:33:32

facing all the charges against you.

Just tell you boss that you

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/02/2015:  09:10:47

have developed a severe case of the wedding blues, and need a sabbatical in the Arizona desert.

Wine, women and song

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/02/2015:  13:12:41

are not as good as old cars,guns,and guitars.

Money marbles and chalk will

OM45GE - Posted - 07/02/2015:  17:39:04

not replace Tinker Bell's gossamer wings. 

Without them she is

jistgreg - Posted - 07/02/2015:  23:18:11

just another shapely, blonde rodent in the garden of life. 

I've often wondered just what 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/03/2015:  02:02:36

Peter Pan seen in her.

Peter Pan peanut butter is

jistgreg - Posted - 07/03/2015:  05:06:49

shthill shthuck to th woof of my mouf. 

Can anhyone tehll me hhow 

Edited by - jistgreg on 07/03/2015 05:07:48

OM45GE - Posted - 07/03/2015:  06:49:07

to remove it with a method that doesn't involve explosives?

I'm getting tired of

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/03/2015:  08:04:25

watching this old TV.Going to get a new one that has new shows on it.

If the dance floor is crowded,just

jistgreg - Posted - 07/03/2015:  11:10:37

put your shoes on and step on some toes. 

Oh, you New York gals, can't you dance 

OM45GE - Posted - 07/03/2015:  11:35:25

without arousing every man in the room?

Do you know how difficult it is to

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/03/2015:  11:56:16

get the IRS to listen to your side of the story?

Billy Carter sold that load of wheat to Cuba and then

jistgreg - Posted - 07/03/2015:  17:23:54

the Cubans found out it was really cotton. 

Fidel exploded, "We can't eat this