OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2016:  08:25:27

shirts neatly. 

I tried to

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/04/2016:  08:59:05

run a dry cleaning shop but the Chinese,,,,well,you know.

Even the Chinese dogs have slanted eyes and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/04/2016:  09:38:31

eat egg foo yung smothered in Gravy Train.

A dog from the east

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2016:  10:56:29

side of the tracks made the mistake of challenging the top dog on the west side.

When the dust settled

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/04/2016:  11:13:44

there was no dog there...Someone said "DOG GONE"

That shows just how

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/04/2016:  11:21:17

fast the world is turning.

"Next stop!", shouted the

OM45GE - Posted - 02/04/2016:  17:51:50

conductor, while frantically waving his lantern out the window. 

He had forgotten about

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/05/2016:  03:51:48

the mail hook that near bout ripped his arm off.

He quickly went in and designed a mail transfer bar that

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2016:  05:41:20

he could patent and sell to Burlington Northern.

The trouble is,

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2016:  06:30:11

they have a clause in their employee handbook expressly prohibiting employees from selling anything to the railroad and giving inventors rights to them.

The railroad made millions while the conuctor

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/05/2016:  09:26:55

patiently waited for his $400.

Can you imagine how many

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2016:  10:53:24

times this sort of thing happens in life?

If I ever invent something, I will

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/05/2016:  11:18:03

sell it straight out to the highest bidder.

Once I invented a car tire that would

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2016:  11:44:55

stay inflated without air - it was solid vulcanized rubber.

But the air salesmen

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2016:  11:58:28

stole my secret formula and it hasn't been seen since. 

I suspect 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/05/2016:  12:38:23

there was some foul play on that one.

But even as we talk that same air salesman is

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2016:  12:55:19

getting the jump on things and is offering fresh spring air for $10 per cu. ft.

His blonde secretary is an

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2016:  05:19:51

attractive young thing, but her head seems to be filled with the very air her boss is selling. 

She once said

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/06/2016:  08:31:57

"Scaggs,Where are you"?

But he didn't answer so

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2016:  08:40:43

she thought he was one of her imaginary friends who didn't had much to say. 

One time, she was studying for a pregnancy test when

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2016:  09:49:03

she lost control of her bladder, and even worse yet, her oven overheated.

Her sawbones told her

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2016:  10:10:06

to stop wearing so much perfume. 

He said it would 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/06/2016:  10:40:01

attract the men in Hobo Jungle.

Well,it did that and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2016:  14:08:35

now she's hopping freights and eating Mulligan stew with the best of'em.

Dropping out is

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/07/2016:  02:55:16

is the same as quitting.

How do you contend with an

J e f f - Posted - 02/07/2016:  06:55:02

eclectic gang of hockey chimps at a biker bar.

They're unbelievably

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2016:  10:57:21

rowdy and, with a few drinks in them, incredibly aggressive. 

They're also quite strong and 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/07/2016:  11:06:14

strong,,and they stink..

HEY!! Where's the duck,,he might

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2016:  11:09:12

be in the mood to go a few rounds with a gang of drunken chimps. 

He's capable of

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2016:  12:54:40

bumming a few beers by doing daffy impressions.

His strong point is

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2016:  19:03:48

spraying enough spittle to float a battleship when saying "you're despicable".

You don't want to be too

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/08/2016:  04:59:53

straight forward with "The Duck"..

He will listen to you spout off for a while then he will

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/08/2016:  06:23:36

bombard you with all manner of bombast.

Never underestimate

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2016:  07:17:18

the bombastic capacity of a duck.

It's exceeded only by their capacity to

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/09/2016:  12:14:50

quack and drop doo-doo everywhere.

Gainsville,Fla is the quack capitol of

OM45GE - Posted - 02/09/2016:  15:45:47

the entire south eastern United States. 

That's mostly due to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/09/2016:  17:53:06

southern hospitality ,and a predilection for Sunday duck dinners.

Lately, however, duck lovers

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2016:  03:36:56

have brought duck hunting to a standstill. 

The ducks are happy, but

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/10/2016:  03:53:30

the ammo dealers are upset.

Not to mention the game warden who collects

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/10/2016:  09:22:27

empty shells to decorate his bathroom walls.

He hates his job

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/10/2016:  11:32:55

and blames all the deer poaching on the people..

He wasn"t cut out to be

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/11/2016:  02:37:30

an honest lawman like Matt Dillon.

Oliver Thorkinburger was another one who

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2016:  03:42:11

thought he was better than everyone else. 

In reality, he was

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/11/2016:  05:06:41

a card shark who made his way through life with smoke and mirrors.

Never trust a guy

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/11/2016:  06:51:51

who smiles from the corner of his mouth..

The American Aviation Society will

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2016:  15:28:03

turn in their pilot licenses when they learn what I have planned. 

I'm going to

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/12/2016:  02:48:50

land this B-29 at Los Angeles International Airport.

I will do it in daytime so

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2016:  03:34:41

Everyone can see me do the barrel roll and hammerhead stall I plan to do before I land. 

I've been practicing 

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/12/2016:  06:09:33

with a small Piper Cub,,lots of fun.

Amelia Airhart wanted to do this but