chuckv97 - Posted - 04/13/2018:  13:12:04

to the subtleties of courtship.

My first date was

OM45GE - Posted - 04/13/2018:  14:08:02

so incredible, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Actually, it was yesterday, but that

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/13/2018:  14:21:10

doesn’t’t matter to her Pop.

He was still waiting at 3am

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/14/2018:  03:07:47

when I took her home..

He had a shotgun in one hand and a bible

OM45GE - Posted - 04/14/2018:  18:21:10

in the other, which he threw at me before taking aim with the shotgun.

Fortunately, the bible

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/14/2018:  18:42:37

was a softcover, peddled by soft-sell Bible salespersons.

Notice my PC sensitivity

OM45GE - Posted - 04/14/2018:  19:00:44

which has kept me from making any inflammatory statements.

What I really wanted to say was,

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/14/2018:  20:29:45

the SOB was a friggin’ heathen, one I’d like to bust in the jaw.

I’d rather take the high road

OM45GE - Posted - 04/16/2018:  08:27:45

so I can expectorate on the peons below.

However, they don't let me

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/16/2018:  12:54:13

out of this padded room.

If you would like to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/16/2018:  13:42:34

take the institution bus tour tomorrow, please sign your name with an X at the nurses
station.

We will be touring

OM45GE - Posted - 04/16/2018:  16:17:59

the frontal lobotomy surgical suite and the isolation ward.

Personally, I would rather have a bottle in front of me, but they won't

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/16/2018:  16:48:32

allow me to phone my trusted bootlegger, Herman Wiser.

Herman drives a hard bargain

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/17/2018:  03:03:16

and won't budge a cent from $50.00 a gallon.

Guess I'll go thirsty for a

OM45GE - Posted - 04/17/2018:  05:48:55

beer, which is too bad as I think it would make me smarter.

After all it made Bud wiser and he

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/17/2018:  05:53:26

bought some Clydesdales that he always shows off at Cardinal games.

Poop in foul territory

OM45GE - Posted - 04/17/2018:  05:56:27

is almost an oxymoron.

My father said I was an oxymoron without the oxy part, but I think he was just

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/17/2018:  13:27:04

jealous of my cipherin’ skills.

Miss Horschin , my grade 3 teacher,

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/18/2018:  02:35:48

said I was good material for the annual spelling "B".

But then she got fired yesterday so

OM45GE - Posted - 04/18/2018:  12:56:21

my one shot at the national championship was lost.

I don't really mind because I went on to be

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/18/2018:  15:18:54

Miss Horschin’s personal trainer and bum boy.

She has strange desires

OM45GE - Posted - 04/19/2018:  07:57:01

which I was happy to satisfy as they aligned nicely with my own.

I remember one time we ended up

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/20/2018:  15:46:01

on the massage table with nary a stitch on.

her full nelsons

OM45GE - Posted - 04/20/2018:  19:54:08

were a memory I'll hold on to forever.

Every time she got me in the hold, I

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/21/2018:  07:28:06

cooed like a mourning dove in heat.

Last night I dove into her pool

OM45GE - Posted - 04/21/2018:  10:26:52

of love.



That's what she calls her

Edited by - OM45GE on 04/21/2018 10:27:06

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/21/2018:  17:51:56

deep immersion into sex therapy.

positions never seen before

OM45GE - Posted - 04/24/2018:  03:32:43

, even in the pages of the Kama Sutra.

I tried a few of them and

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/24/2018:  04:03:14

twisted my neck.

Now I'm going to

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/24/2018:  10:21:24

choir practice ,but they told me last week they aren't chiropractors.

maybe a cute soprano will

OM45GE - Posted - 04/24/2018:  12:42:31

take pity on me and agree to try out a few positions

I hope she

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/24/2018:  19:49:25

realizes I'm not out to deceive her.

her Pa carries a

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/25/2018:  01:52:47

colt/patterson in his overall pocket.

You don't want to rile

OM45GE - Posted - 04/25/2018:  05:42:47

him or he may decide you are a waste of oxygen.

If he does, watch

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/25/2018:  08:50:16

for flying bullets when you head out their farm laneway at 70 mph.

When the dust settles

OM45GE - Posted - 04/26/2018:  03:24:34

it will be temporary so don’t get used to it.

Dust is a fact

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/26/2018:  08:06:19

of life on the prairies.

My cowpoking days are over

OM45GE - Posted - 04/26/2018:  08:46:32

as the cows got tired of having me poke them.

Now I'm only poking

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/26/2018:  10:42:48

Kitty’s dancing girls at the Long Branch.

Sam ,the tarbender,

OM45GE - Posted - 04/26/2018:  12:43:23

was recovering from a near-fatal bout of spoonerism.

He had been given little chance of survival but somehow

chuckv97 - Posted - 04/30/2018:  07:32:15

Miss Kitty revived him with some heavy sparking and spooning.

Sam's eyes rolled back in his head

OM45GE - Posted - 04/30/2018:  09:25:25

and he started speaking in a strange language no one else understood.

It sounded like

banjoscotty - Posted - 04/30/2018:  15:42:28

an unknown tongue as explained in the bible.

Little did he know that

OM45GE - Posted - 04/30/2018:  16:49:28

one of the blokes at the bar had Google Translate open on his mobile phone.

When he read what

banjoscotty - Posted - 05/01/2018:  03:58:15

was explained in the bible,he fell on his knees and was saved.

So don't interfere with

OM45GE - Posted - 05/01/2018:  07:05:21

his experience.



Someday he might

Edited by - OM45GE on 05/01/2018 07:05:34

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/01/2018:  07:55:51

throw you in the river for a quick baptismal experience.

Please- I'm imploring all of you -stop boiling frogs

OM45GE - Posted - 05/01/2018:  08:05:31

they don't like it and it makes the pasta taste funny.

You're supposed to cook the frogs separately so they

chuckv97 - Posted - 05/02/2018:  09:43:06

have a chance to jump from the kettle into the frying pan.

I've been dining on swamp food