OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2020:  15:17:36

so I walked right on past the border sign.

I was immediately struck with a strong urge to

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/05/2020:  16:29:55

urinate. So I hitched a ride to the nearest Denny's.

A sigh of relief later I ordered

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/05/2020:  18:28:24

the Bourbon Chicken Skillet and a Coke.



It was great, but I was disappointed that

Edited by - Bill Rogers on 02/05/2020 18:28:49

OM45GE - Posted - 02/05/2020:  18:43:46

they wouldn’t let me play my banjo and sing for my supper.

I didn’t have any cash so I had to

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/05/2020:  20:09:21

wash dished for a week with Joey, the resident Denny’s sandwich sign guy.

He stands out by the highway

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2020:  02:29:00

trying to attract hungry but unfussy diners.

He says this is the

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/06/2020:  06:41:52

best "last meal" you can have for 20 miles.

Many people, uncertain of their future stop in. On this day

KyBanjo - Posted - 02/06/2020:  07:53:34

only to find all the specials sold out.

speaking of those, did you all see that old waitress and her

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2020:  08:28:55

worn-out apron and penny loafers?

I’ll bet she’s

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2020:  10:29:05

hoping we’ll feel bad for her and leave a huge tip.

She may actually

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/06/2020:  12:00:46

have valuable pennies in those loafers and not know it.

And so, with a severe case of dishpan hands, I left Denny’s, bound for

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2020:  12:02:49

glory on the stages of high schools throughout the west.

The students thought I was

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2020:  12:13:08

just a dishwasher that could sing a bit and tell lame jokes.

I escaped Omaha unscathed

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2020:  12:27:15

except for the enormous tattoo covering my back.

I'm not sure what it's supposed to be

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/06/2020:  13:10:49

but I think its the eye test from the Department of Motor Vehicles.

While studying it in the mirror

OM45GE - Posted - 02/06/2020:  15:18:37

I thought I could make out a secret message from ancient aliens.



Then I realized

Edited by - OM45GE on 02/06/2020 15:18:59

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2020:  15:43:42

it read,”kick me - I’m a masochist” upside down and backwards.

A Sioux Indian scraped it off

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/06/2020:  19:35:37

and now I’ll have to wait months of soreness to risk outdoor activity again.

Or sleep on my back, because

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/06/2020:  20:27:25

it wasn't permanent ink — the Tattoo remover just didn't like me.

But I forgive easy. I used the material for my stand up act

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/06/2020:  21:39:31

at Grim Jim’s Bar & Grill.

The clientele there are usually too sloshed

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2020:  03:04:16

to understand my more subtle material.

However, they do

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/07/2020:  08:05:25

fully comprehend and appreciate my Shakespeare references.

"To be or not to.... be? What was the question?" They roared and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2020:  09:19:44

and smashed draft glasses against the walls in jubilation.



Jim grabbed his pistol and fired off a blank

Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/07/2020 09:20:42

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2020:  09:31:56

round and was surprised when three of the patrons dropped dead.

At first he thought

KyBanjo - Posted - 02/07/2020:  11:11:05

that somehow he had indeed shot the three patrons.

Turns out they all had been drinking for 24 hours
straight and had

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/07/2020:  12:11:23

simultaneous cardiac arrests at the sound of the shot.

Under the circumstances, the coroner

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/07/2020:  12:34:25

had a beer with the survivors who somehow got them back to the morgue.

But everyone was fine because no one really understood vital signs. It was a strange

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2020:  13:03:05

afternoon, even by our standards.

Hopefully, things will return

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2020:  15:31:32

to normalcy in short order.

BTW, Jim’s short order cook

KyBanjo - Posted - 02/07/2020:  16:06:38

was really short, like 4'3 and almost as wide.

She she rarely took tall orders though as

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/07/2020:  17:27:48

she lacked confidence. But she made the best cheeseburger, inspired by the John Belushi skit.

They had the cattle fed out back

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/07/2020:  22:54:17

until the zoning authorities cracked down on the illegal urban animal farm operation.

That caused the ghost of George Orwell

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/07/2020:  23:17:09

to rear its ugly head.

Big Brother is watching

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/08/2020:  00:59:39

and probably has your cell phone monitored.



I could go back to a landline, but

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2020:  03:10:47

the thought of dragging a long cord everywhere makes me hesitant.

Maybe if they could

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/08/2020:  05:54:52

offer a mafia wiretap lingo class I wouldn't feel so vulnerable.

But I said, "whomever is listening I'll give you a thousand dollars today" and

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2020:  06:32:43

the next thing you know, about fifty people showed up at my front door.

I peeked out from behind the curtains and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/08/2020:  06:57:27

my wife sent out the dogs on’em.

Trouble is, our dogs are p****cats

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2020:  10:26:46

and unable to intimidate anyone.

All they did was

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/08/2020:  12:30:04

wag their tails and leap for joy at the nearest strangers.

But they were so overjoyed that their bladders let go, and

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/08/2020:  13:38:26

several of the po’d throng let loose with their pepper spray.

It wasn’t long before Sgt. O’Hara arrived

Peter Vipulis - Posted - 02/08/2020:  16:18:59

with some real dogs and then there was respect.

The group said there was an open house

KyBanjo - Posted - 02/08/2020:  16:39:21

so O'hara and his crew came rushing in.

The we're astonished to see that

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2020:  18:23:21

I had not bothered to put any clothes on.

The look on their faces was

chuckv97 - Posted - 02/08/2020:  18:42:28

photographed and posted on O’Hara’s wife’s Facebook.

My private parts, however

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2020:  18:56:15

have gone viral on various social media.

It’s an odd sort of fame, but

KyBanjo - Posted - 02/08/2020:  19:23:21

some one had to finally do it.

Besides it has opened worlds of

Bill Rogers - Posted - 02/08/2020:  20:44:01

various interesting offers.

None of which are suited for

KyBanjo - Posted - 02/09/2020:  12:58:45

framing, but suitable for