OM45GE - Posted - 09/19/2018:  05:26:06

of strong societal pressure to behave.

Also, he

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/19/2018:  05:46:07

was a body builder who didn’t suffer fools gladly.

I’ve been practicing my half nelsons

OM45GE - Posted - 09/19/2018:  07:42:38

on myself.

It’s very painful and I look like

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/20/2018:  04:16:04

an ape with short arms.

But there are better things to do like

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/20/2018:  04:54:08

playing a mournful tune on the bagpipes.

I haul them out when

OM45GE - Posted - 09/20/2018:  08:36:15

I really want to annoy the neighbors who complain about my banjo playing.

They're my secret weapon, but I

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/20/2018:  10:37:13

don't have to use then often.

Sometimes the man next door

OM45GE - Posted - 09/20/2018:  10:53:51

will be yelling and banging on the walls, which seriously disrupts my banjo practice.

That's when I

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/20/2018:  14:11:57

take off my mute and get out my piezo pickup.

My old tube amp

OM45GE - Posted - 09/21/2018:  03:27:27

connected to a Dual Showman speaker cabinet is capable of ear splitting volumes.

The distortion is classic and

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/21/2018:  03:31:41

is not a musical tone.

so I positioned the amp toward

OM45GE - Posted - 09/21/2018:  03:59:08

the neighbor’s wall and let rip with my best rendition of Foggy Mountain Breakdown.

After about twenty minutes

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/21/2018:  05:26:34

he staggered out into his front yard looking like a man in a trance.

His battleaxe wife

OM45GE - Posted - 09/21/2018:  06:26:17

had put on her Bose noise-cancelling headphones and seemed none the worse for wear and was clearly spoiling for a fight.

I silently pretended to ask her a question and when she removed the headphones I hit her with a series of power chords which immediately

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/21/2018:  11:19:26

drove her bonkers

After which she regained her composure but her hubby

OM45GE - Posted - 09/21/2018:  12:15:56

seemed permanently damaged and shuffles around the neighborhood mumbling to himself.

I'm not sure if it was

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/21/2018:  12:40:11

the power chords, the breakdown or his wife’s interminable screeching.

His dog even

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/22/2018:  03:40:31

looks at him and growls.

And that gets the cat cranked up so his wife

OM45GE - Posted - 09/22/2018:  15:48:55

swats the cat with her broom which she then climbs aboard and zooms off into the night sky.

She was heard saying

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/23/2018:  02:50:59

"I'll Be Back"

As soon as she left her hubby started

OM45GE - Posted - 09/23/2018:  11:29:23

acting fairly normal.

He even

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/23/2018:  11:55:09

went back in his house and brought me a bottle of Coors Light.

Not really my choice of drink but

OM45GE - Posted - 09/23/2018:  12:55:20

the gesture was appreciated and I pretended to enjoy it immensely.

He seemed pleased and

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/23/2018:  15:03:26

went on back home.

I put the bagpipes away and now

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/23/2018:  18:00:58

I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf.

Fall colo(u)rs are

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/24/2018:  02:43:41

the same as summer colors in Florida.

Florida's two seasons are unique because

OM45GE - Posted - 09/24/2018:  03:32:11

nobody can tell the difference between them.

One is hot and humid

OldBlindGuy - Posted - 09/24/2018:  03:44:43

and the other is hot and humid with hurricanes.

That's OK, if you like

OM45GE - Posted - 09/24/2018:  05:06:03

hot and humid weather with or without tropical storms.

On the other hand, if you like alligators in your backyard,

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/24/2018:  14:07:21

come on down.

It's not as bad as

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/24/2018:  14:51:18

40 below winter days in Saskatchewan.

They voted for glowball warming

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/25/2018:  04:18:46

but nobody wants to count the votes.

It really doesn't matter so don't

OM45GE - Posted - 09/25/2018:  05:11:28

put away the blankets just yet.

You might want

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/25/2018:  07:35:53

to send away for a couple of mail-order brides to keep you warm.

Just send them the bus fare

OM45GE - Posted - 09/25/2018:  07:39:10

and give them your GPS coordinates making sure they know "GPS" doesn't mean "go pound sand".

When they arrive,

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/25/2018:  08:51:06

bring one to me.

They are also good for

OM45GE - Posted - 09/25/2018:  11:27:27

cribbage games.

You have to

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/25/2018:  15:23:11

teach them everything.

That's really not a

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/25/2018:  15:55:28

bad thing because they are a mite gullible.

The last mail-order bride I had

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/26/2018:  02:29:16

got returned to sender.

You have to watch them so they don't get

OM45GE - Posted - 09/26/2018:  04:51:16

power of attorney and medical proxy for you.

If they do, you will quickly

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/26/2018:  09:07:00

become poor.

they know how to rob

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/26/2018:  09:07:01

find yourself in a rundown old folks home, with drool hanging from your chin due to overmedication.

Then she’ll take your ‘67 Olds

OM45GE - Posted - 09/26/2018:  17:09:50

Simultaneous posts!

and sell it to Wide Tie Louis’ Lemon Motors Emporium.

She’ll take the $50 and

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/27/2018:  04:10:54

buy a bus ticket to Las Vagas.

It's best just to let her go and

OM45GE - Posted - 09/27/2018:  04:37:56

be thankful that you didn’t conceive any children together.

That would

banjoscotty - Posted - 09/27/2018:  05:04:38

be total disaster.

Not to mention her 274 kin folks that want

chuckv97 - Posted - 09/27/2018:  07:10:02

a piece of the action.

I’m headin’ for the hills

OM45GE - Posted - 09/28/2018:  05:53:02

where I hope to live off the grid and remain unnoticed, particularly by her.

I may try to meet