jistgreg - Posted - 01/19/2015:  14:35:08

her outpourings might just dissolve their detectors. 

It would be 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/19/2015:  14:36:57

an unmitigated disaster if the detectors were destroyed.

The implications are

jistgreg - Posted - 01/19/2015:  15:52:55

vacations imps take (thanks, MAD magazine!) 

Ramifications, however, are 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/19/2015:  16:07:25

vacations on sheep dude ranches,where sheep are sheep, men are men,and rams are rams.

No self-respecting ram

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/19/2015:  16:14:17

would dude a man on a sheep ranch!

So they left for parts unknown untill

jistgreg - Posted - 01/19/2015:  18:26:30

they reached the parts store, where the clerk smirked at their ignorance. 

Guessing at what parts you need is 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/20/2015:  03:27:32

not the best way to get what you are looking for.

It can be a good way to

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/20/2015:  03:44:14

to spiral down into a life of self doubt and second guessing - always playing a parts banjo and drifting off to clawhammer,then back to bluegrass.

Your long suffering wife

jistgreg - Posted - 01/20/2015:  07:56:02

begs you to take up the accordion, the bagpipes, the Tuvaluan nose flute, but do you listen? 

No!  You 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/20/2015:  09:37:26

persist is making yourself a social outcast by playing the infernal banjo.

On the positive side,

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/21/2015:  08:43:51

you've never had problems with house pests,as banjo vibrations are an organic,environmentally friendly cockroach and termite repellent.

Banjo-mad groupies,however,

OM45GE - Posted - 01/21/2015:  08:48:20

aren't the sort to really care about vermin.

Their focus is solely

jistgreg - Posted - 01/21/2015:  18:24:08

on the Peghead Overlay,  Nut, Truss Rod, Fingerboard Inlays, Frets, Spikes, Heel, The Pot, Rim, Head, Tension Hoop, Hooks And Nuts, Armrest, and the Tailpiece. 

I used to be able to focus like that when I was on 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/21/2015:  19:34:18

the fo'c'sle of the good ship lollipop in my younger days.

Nowadays my consentrayshun

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2015:  03:35:21

has definitely started to, um, errrr, uh, what were we talking about?

Oh well, have you heard the one about the

jistgreg - Posted - 01/22/2015:  04:49:58

priest, the rabbi, and the minister, the traveling salesman and the farmer's daughter? 

It seems that two 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2015:  05:18:19

punch lines collided at the end of the story and left all of the characters in the hospital.

The audience is still wondering

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2015:  06:33:57

why the Rabbi and the farmer's daughter left town in a cloud of dust.

Perhaps the

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2015:  08:24:51

minister could explain, but he's not talking about it.

He's claiming his lawyer

jistgreg - Posted - 01/22/2015:  09:56:16

thought he (the minister) was a man, but he (the lawyer) was mistaken. 

She (the minister) was Dawn French (her 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2015:  10:50:05

regular job was a comedienne) who had gotten her divinity license on the internet.

She did weddings and a couple of funerals but 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2015:  11:06:31

the wedded couple died,and the expired folks came back to life.

The Internet is an unreliable

jistgreg - Posted - 01/22/2015:  13:05:02

source for ANYTHING, according to an internet quotation from Abraham Lincoln.  

According to the Web, they named a city in Nebraska 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/22/2015:  15:11:44

but couldn't remember what they called it.

They've been going around the state

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/22/2015:  15:59:53

quoting Honest Abe to everyone in hopes that it will jog people's memory.

Omahabe wasn't right,so

jistgreg - Posted - 01/22/2015:  17:03:55

they tried Omagoonis. 

That turned out to be a  disease that 

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/22/2015:  18:08:00

no one cared about

this danged machine will not do what

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2015:  03:13:31

they said it would do on the infomercial. 

The worst part is, 

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/23/2015:  03:43:15

no body was smart enough to push the button.

Then One Dog caught a rabbit so Elvis

Qarl - Posted - 01/23/2015:  04:23:35

deciced to make a peanut butter, banana, and rabbit sandwich.

Lisa Marie said it tasted like

Edited by - Qarl on 01/23/2015 04:24:21

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2015:  04:38:09

a hound dog's breakfast.

She was no friend of

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2015:  04:53:18

the dark forces attempting to besmirch Elvis' reputation. 

However, she was so zealous

jistgreg - Posted - 01/23/2015:  06:55:05

that occasionally she'd shoot herself in the foot, so to speak. 

And what she spoke was 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2015:  08:41:17

The words of a raving lunatic. 

Just last night she

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2015:  09:02:20

crying in the chapel about being stuck on you at the Heartbreak Hotel.

To poor Lisa Marie,Graceland

jistgreg - Posted - 01/23/2015:  09:29:41

was a land without grace, devoid of virtue, barren of Providence. 

Speaking of Rhode Island, 

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2015:  15:01:27

we visited Battleship Cove recently and were thrown out for picking banjo under the turrets.

I don't know why

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2015:  16:41:40

they made us play above the turrets,but the mayor demanded it.

Rhode Island Reds like the Chicken Reel

Scaggs7 - Posted - 01/23/2015:  17:26:44

sure taste good in the pot

my dog just

OM45GE - Posted - 01/23/2015:  18:14:00

took the biggest crap I've every seen. 

It was so big

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/23/2015:  22:21:52

that Scotty's old manure spreader broke down trying to spread it on the back forty.

A dog with constipation

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/24/2015:  04:06:21

is not a friend of mine.

Anyway,Scaggs came over and fixed the spreader so

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2015:  08:05:56

we were able to thoroughly fertilize every field in the county. 

The other farmers were

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/24/2015:  08:10:09

very appreciative and inquired about buying Scaggs' dog.

But he was asking

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2015:  08:31:40

for a lend lease program instead of an outright sale. 

The other farmers didn't understand

banjoscotty - Posted - 01/24/2015:  08:52:10

what that was so they just dropped the subject.

But Ole McDonald has started a "save the dog poop" program and

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2015:  12:01:23

set aside a section of his barn to store the poop. 

Unfortunately, he underestimated 

chuckv97 - Posted - 01/24/2015:  13:42:43

the intensity of the stench ,so his wife took his beloved Chev Apache pickup and left for parts unknown.

But the local Indians

OM45GE - Posted - 01/24/2015:  15:06:47

thought the idiocy of the farmers was quite amusing. 

They speculated that

Edited by - OM45GE on 01/24/2015 15:07:03