chuckv97 - Posted - 12/25/2016:  16:35:32

pour another flagon into the old boy and phone his missus.

She's been a long-suffering woman

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/25/2016:  16:54:13

but she knows all about him.

Which reminds me of the time she

Forrest - Posted - 12/25/2016:  18:09:03

had an affair with Santa Claus, or who she assumed was Santa Claus. 

It actually turned out to be

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/25/2016:  18:12:45

Foster Brooks, who was employed as Macy's Santa for a few hours.



After he toppled off the big chair

Edited by - chuckv97 on 12/25/2016 18:13:30

OM45GE - Posted - 12/25/2016:  18:36:28

and into her bed, Macy's fired his sorry ass. 

He didn't really mind because 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/26/2016:  03:19:19

O'Hara's mistress kept everything moving with a fine tuned beat..

At certain times she would

OM45GE - Posted - 12/26/2016:  03:47:37

mix in a little salsa rhythm to spice things up. 

Then she would slow it down with

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/26/2016:  05:45:18

the help of a recording machine.

Very little was done to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/26/2016:  06:09:11

sober up O'Hara - even his Captain sold rotgut booze out of the trunk of his cruiser.

If there's one thing a woman disdains

OM45GE - Posted - 12/26/2016:  07:45:15

it's the advances of a guy who drinks two six packs of beer, eats a large pizza and throws up on her carpet. 

Even if he were

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/26/2016:  11:13:35

Ruedolf Valentino.

But that isn't

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/26/2016:  11:32:32

reality in my life - I've been a chivalrous suitor.

My last galpal was a crackhead

OM45GE - Posted - 12/26/2016:  12:43:26

, which didn't stop her from aspiring to stardom. 

She auditioned 

Forrest - Posted - 12/26/2016:  18:02:53

for a local beauty pageant recently, but things went terribly wrong during the talent portion of the program.

Her act featured

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/26/2016:  18:28:34

two Dobermans and a French cruller.

Needless to say

OM45GE - Posted - 12/26/2016:  20:22:42

the cruller was devoured and the dog poop was everywhere. 

She abandoned her 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/26/2016:  20:37:49

quest for a life of fame and glamour to entertain the boys in skid row back alleys.

Well, that was the straw

OM45GE - Posted - 12/26/2016:  20:54:20

that broke the back of our relationship. 

I decided I had to 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/27/2016:  03:33:43

r-u-nn-er-oft.

Her pappy found out about it and

OM45GE - Posted - 12/27/2016:  05:14:44

came looking for me with a couple of gorilla sized goons

I think he wanted to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/27/2016:  06:27:56

scare me into taking her back, but I told them over my dead body.

That just got them guffawing

OM45GE - Posted - 12/27/2016:  06:37:41

until they could barely gasp out that that was easily arranged. 

I was forced to reconsider 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/27/2016:  08:06:03

life or death..

I chose life,so now her and I

OM45GE - Posted - 12/27/2016:  10:29:56

have embarked on a lifetime of bliss.

It may take some

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/27/2016:  12:31:32

wonderful ,passionate nights on Lovers Lane (no relation to Lois) but I think we'll finally kiss and make up,,or out.

I've found a crack in her psychological armour

OM45GE - Posted - 12/27/2016:  13:37:58

either that,or she's using every trick in her psychopathological arsenal to seduce me into thinking there's a human being in there. 

Still, I do care for her in a 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/28/2016:  02:25:53

way other than what appears here.

She has two thumbs on her right hand and

OM45GE - Posted - 12/28/2016:  03:11:37

a third nipple on her chest. 

It's a bit disconcerting but oddly

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/28/2016:  03:37:36

and oddities have always fascinated me.

Take my landlady, for instance

OM45GE - Posted - 12/28/2016:  04:59:35

she has what appears to be a large rodent growing from her neck. 

I want to 

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/28/2016:  18:09:41

skip my rent payment this month and see if she'll rat out to the police.

If Sgt. O'Hara shows up

OM45GE - Posted - 12/28/2016:  19:09:53

there will be a terrific party. 

He's always ready 

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/29/2016:  14:54:00

for non violent activities.

Like swimming in

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/29/2016:  18:41:12

a pool with angry pacifists.

Some even shake their fists at the beleagered Sarge

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/30/2016:  03:23:16

because he gave some of them a 'shake-down'..

But all-in-all,,Sarge is

OM45GE - Posted - 12/30/2016:  04:50:07

a regular guy who puts his pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us. 

However, he takes them off by

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/30/2016:  08:18:21

sheer slight of hand, a trick he learned to impress his then fiancée,now his long-suffering wife of 41 years.



She wanted him to make Captain

Edited by - chuckv97 on 12/30/2016 08:18:57

OM45GE - Posted - 12/30/2016:  11:18:56

but he was a lousy test taker and got so embarrassed after failing the test for the 12th time that he gave up on the whole thing.

She never misses the opportunity to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/30/2016:  18:15:31

remind him of his utter failure to advance their lives beyond mediocre society friends.

Her old fur is tattered

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/31/2016:  03:37:14

from much use when hob-knobbing.

She realized that the Sarge wasn't

OM45GE - Posted - 12/31/2016:  05:43:54

going to be able to afford to buy her a new one so she put on a brave face and wore it. 

However, she never missed an opportunity to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/31/2016:  08:53:18

berate and send him out to the creeks and swamps to set traps for mink and muskrat.

One day Sarge came back with

banjoscotty - Posted - 12/31/2016:  10:00:18

a live badger and he threw it in bed with her..

After that,she never

OM45GE - Posted - 12/31/2016:  10:51:08

badgered Sarge about anything.

In fact, she made it a point to

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/31/2016:  11:17:30

save her pennies and nickels for the new mink stole on Craigslist that Shady Sammy listed there.



The Sarge and Sammy

Edited by - chuckv97 on 12/31/2016 11:17:58

OM45GE - Posted - 12/31/2016:  12:04:40

were outwardly best friends but secretly loathed each other passionately. 

I think the loathing was covering up

chuckv97 - Posted - 12/31/2016:  22:24:49

a serious man-crush each had for the other, not that they'd ever outwardly show it.

But when Sammy showed up wearing a raccoon coat

OM45GE - Posted - 01/01/2017:  04:46:12

with nothing underneath it, Sarge was visibly moved. 

The last time Sarge arrested me, he

Forrest - Posted - 01/01/2017:  07:17:27

broke down in tears and sobbed on my shoulder for nearly an hour over just what to do about this very issue. 

Sarge and Sammy