chuckv97 - Posted - 07/05/2016:  16:55:53

my death will herald a crash in silver prices.

My old Studebaker SilverHawk

Bk2olKY - Posted - 07/05/2016:  18:07:56

was once owned by Liberace.

But that doesn't

BanjoClive - Posted - 07/05/2016:  21:10:18

mean a thing to me

Why does it

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/06/2016:  07:13:39

always start raining when I put the top down?

My gal pal rarely

OM45GE - Posted - 07/06/2016:  10:53:38

talks to me anymore.

Since she found out I was

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/07/2016:  08:05:50

taking up the banjo her shine for me has dulled.

Why I can't be more

OM45GE - Posted - 07/07/2016:  08:45:13

like what she wants in a man is a mystery to both of us.

On the other hand, if I were the man she wanted, 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/07/2016:  12:43:43

I'd be one of those guys with a red fedora and polyester Bermuda shorts.

Come to think of it,

OM45GE - Posted - 07/08/2016:  05:57:07

I am wearing a red fedora and polyester Bermuda shorts so i guess the joke is on me.

I looked in the mirror and was

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/08/2016:  07:01:49

immediately struck by the dashing image of a "bon vivant", a rapscallion of the highest order.

Upon closer scrutiny,however,

OM45GE - Posted - 07/08/2016:  11:57:37

I realized that I looked like some sort of parody of an aging fool with no fashion sense and little self-respect.

Maybe I should

BanjoClive - Posted - 07/08/2016:  12:12:11

find a better hobby.

Why am I

OM45GE - Posted - 07/08/2016:  13:56:15

always the last to hear about the latest developments in electric blast furnace technology?

They seem to be trying

Edited by - OM45GE on 07/08/2016 13:56:33

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/08/2016:  16:14:27

to keep me in the dark about important events, lest I take up arms and barricade myself in my basement.

I'm no fool when it comes

OM45GE - Posted - 07/08/2016:  18:47:09

that sort of foolishness but there are some things I don't understand.

Why, for example, do women

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/08/2016:  20:47:43

pretend to like going to sports events before they get a diamond, but never darken a stadium entrance thereafter.

I guess I shouldn't have

OM45GE - Posted - 07/09/2016:  12:15:43

told her that the dress did indeed make her butt look fat. 

Now I have to

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/10/2016:  06:24:11

sleep in the doghouse and buy her flowers everyday until she agrees to use the gymn membership I bought her.

The trouble with bubble butts is

OM45GE - Posted - 07/11/2016:  02:37:38

that when you call them "bubble butts" it's usually not received very kindly.

I'm not sure 

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/11/2016:  09:57:19

how to say some things with sensitivity because she always says,"Were you raised in a barn?!"

Years of blue collar work

OM45GE - Posted - 07/12/2016:  09:28:56

have left me with a sense of pride in my efforts. 

I try to do the

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/12/2016:  09:33:03

best I can with what I have - an exercise of diminishing returns, I'm sad to say.

My get-up-and-go

OM45GE - Posted - 07/12/2016:  09:38:16

got up and went and didn't take me with it. 

Pretty inconsiderate after all

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/12/2016:  09:44:22

the sweat of my brow and the ache of my back I've endured all these many years.

My sawbones, however, has a solution

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/12/2016:  19:30:55

he says never stand up when you can sit down,,and never sit
down when you can lay down.

But that only works when

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/12/2016:  20:44:16

you're on the train leaving Fargo on a cold wintry night.

A brakeman will

OM45GE - Posted - 07/13/2016:  03:26:13

not be amused to find you sleeping on his train. 

You won't be amused when he

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/13/2016:  16:17:09

kicks you off into a snowbank in Fumbuck, Idaho with the wind howling and the wolves circling.

A frozen railroad bum

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/14/2016:  03:38:15

is called a "stiff".

Never speak harsh words to

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/14/2016:  15:52:13

your true loving wife or she may leave you and never return, like Charlie on the MTA.

Don't put slugs in the toll road basket

OM45GE - Posted - 07/17/2016:  11:50:30

and expect to get away with it. 

There are cameras

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/17/2016:  12:41:27

in the terminal restrooms..

A 380 EAA Witness pistol is a

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/17/2016:  20:02:12

persuader on many levels.

Don't reach inside your jacket in the customs house

OM45GE - Posted - 07/18/2016:  10:49:07

unless you get permission from the officers. 

Otherwise, you may 

J e f f - Posted - 07/18/2016:  17:01:55

have to stand in the corner for 30 minutes.

I had to stand in the corner at work today because I

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/18/2016:  17:36:20

had to take leak , and the restroom is out of order.

The boss's daughter

OM45GE - Posted - 07/19/2016:  02:51:04

offered to lend me a hand. 

I didn't know if

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/19/2016:  04:00:26

she was serious or not

So she put her hand

OM45GE - Posted - 07/19/2016:  12:17:58

gently over mine.

When I woke up

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/19/2016:  13:27:05

the boss was standing over me taking off his brass knuckles.

I accepted his pink slip

J e f f - Posted - 07/19/2016:  13:30:22

and proceeded to wash it with my other laundry.

I like to use

OM45GE - Posted - 07/19/2016:  13:59:41

my boss' slips when I dress up as a woman for my nights out on the town with the rest of the Hell's Angels.

They usually

J e f f - Posted - 07/19/2016:  18:30:47

like to hangout at Chuck E. Cheese's and eat gluten-free pizza with diet Pepsi.

After that

OM45GE - Posted - 07/20/2016:  02:45:22

we like to go for a motorcycle ride dressed in our finery. 

Some people think

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/20/2016:  16:56:18

dressing up as a woman is weird, but those are folks who've never tried it.

Getting in touch with

OM45GE - Posted - 07/21/2016:  02:40:00

your feminine side is easy if you're a woman but some men find it difficult. 

Perhaps if they

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/21/2016:  03:05:51

had the sex change it might help.

We had better change the subject or

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/21/2016:  06:15:56

the sex-change police will be knocking on our door.



Yesterday some guy told me to go forth and multiply

Edited by - chuckv97 on 07/21/2016 06:16:48

OM45GE - Posted - 07/21/2016:  11:55:09

I was up to my times tens when he came up and gave me a dope slap.

Turns out I wasn't supposed to be using