DC5 - Posted - 11/05/2018:  04:32:36

institutions we need to eat on big tables in the cafeteria.


My privacy is important so

OM45GE - Posted - 11/05/2018:  04:58:07

I was wearing a disguise.

It worked ok until

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/05/2018:  06:28:39

she saw me.

And that was the

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/05/2018:  06:48:31

beginning of the end.

I’d forgotten about our bedroom dressup antics

OM45GE - Posted - 11/05/2018:  09:51:52

and she instantly recognized my nurses outfit with the rectal thermometer and strategically placed cutouts.

She also knew

DC5 - Posted - 11/05/2018:  14:46:29

i wan't wearing underwear.

This became apparent when

OM45GE - Posted - 11/05/2018:  16:18:07

I demonstrated my spectacular cartwheel skills.

This caused everyone to

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/05/2018:  19:10:02

gasp in horror and faint dead away.

Which, of course, was my intention

DC5 - Posted - 11/06/2018:  04:49:31

as I made my escape.


Later that evening

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/06/2018:  17:44:12

Horace Birtdingel became trapped in the subway turnstile.

A cheapskate all his life, he

OM45GE - Posted - 11/07/2018:  03:37:56

was trying to jump the turnstile but caught his high heels on the barrier.

He dropped his purse and

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/09/2018:  04:08:45

tried to pull his skirt tail down.

He made a grab for the lady in

OM45GE - Posted - 11/09/2018:  04:12:00

the gorilla suit but missed by mere inches.

She hauled back and

DC5 - Posted - 11/09/2018:  05:25:31

hit him hard in the part he wouldn't have if he was a woman.


He bent over in agony and

OM45GE - Posted - 11/09/2018:  06:09:50

forgot all about the pain when he spied a $20 bill on the platform.

He made a lunge for it

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/09/2018:  06:40:13

but a homeless man - a former punchdrunk boxer- beat him to it.

Speaking of beatings

OM45GE - Posted - 11/09/2018:  06:48:53

, have you ever marched to the beat of a different drummer?

I tried to but kept

DC5 - Posted - 11/09/2018:  11:25:01

tripping over my own feet.


After one too many skinned knees

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/09/2018:  11:56:52

I became a surly skinhead with a bad attitude.

My scarred psyche

OM45GE - Posted - 11/09/2018:  13:22:34

has been studied extensively and written up in several peer reviewed medical journals.

My doctors hope

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/12/2018:  08:04:07

is that I won't bother him anymore.

But There won't be

DC5 - Posted - 11/12/2018:  08:27:45

any peace for him while I still have insurance with a low co-pay.


This is why

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/12/2018:  08:59:54

I “visit” sanatoriums frequently, since my hectic lifestyle demands that I often have to go away for rest periods.

This security there

OM45GE - Posted - 11/12/2018:  09:44:27

is quite lax.

Just yesterday several of us

DC5 - Posted - 11/12/2018:  10:32:58

got into the pills cabinet and had a party.


That's when Nurse Ratchet

OM45GE - Posted - 11/12/2018:  12:46:09

saw what I had written under the rim of the toilet and blew a gasket.

I found her quite attractive but she

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/12/2018:  12:47:35

brought the hatchet down on some of us.

She actually thought

OM45GE - Posted - 11/12/2018:  12:50:06

we liked that but most of us did not care for it at all.

We preferred

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/12/2018:  16:12:45

being tied to a bedpost and whipped mercilessly.

Pain therapy is shunned

OM45GE - Posted - 11/13/2018:  03:21:11

by those who haven’t experienced it.

I say give it a try and

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/13/2018:  04:37:04

decide for yourself.

And there are always the

DC5 - Posted - 11/13/2018:  05:13:42

battery terminals wired to the big toes, but I digress.


The key to maintaining

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/13/2018:  07:08:22

a healthy relationship is to be flexible.

I tied myself in knots

OM45GE - Posted - 11/13/2018:  11:04:38

trying to be flexible enough for my last girlfriend but it wasn't good enough for her.

She wanted me to

DC5 - Posted - 11/13/2018:  12:59:11

invent new Karma Suture positions that were physically impossible.


You can't fold your backbone any more than

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/13/2018:  13:35:57

180 degrees in any direction..

But go ahead and try it if you

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/13/2018:  17:58:28

want her abiding affection.

My goaltending days are over

OM45GE - Posted - 11/14/2018:  03:18:19

because getting hit with barely subsonic slap shots is getting old.

My tolerance for

banjoscotty - Posted - 11/14/2018:  06:34:21

ginger beer just increased.

But that's alright because

OM45GE - Posted - 11/14/2018:  07:17:49

I accidentally ordered 12 cases instead of 12 bottle on Amazon

There’s enough ginger beer

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/14/2018:  08:53:28

here to keep Ginger from Gillian’s Island happy.

Trouble is, she mixes

DC5 - Posted - 11/14/2018:  10:30:45

Ginger beer with coconut juice.


My coconut allergy

OM45GE - Posted - 11/14/2018:  10:48:17

started when I was bonked on the head by a falling coconut while vacationing in Fiji.

My memory loss started then as well so now I

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/14/2018:  11:53:26

can't remember to tie my shoelaces.

My new helmet

DC5 - Posted - 11/14/2018:  16:14:22

has a neon paisley pattern.


I can easily

OM45GE - Posted - 11/14/2018:  17:27:25

find it when I check the lost and found box.

It often ends up there because

chuckv97 - Posted - 11/14/2018:  18:06:12

my hemispheric thalamus is short-circuiting again.

I've applied for the Brain Surgeon Program at F.U. College

OM45GE - Posted - 11/15/2018:  03:32:54

which is taught by disbarred neurosurgeons with alcohol dependency.

Their hands shake like

DC5 - Posted - 11/15/2018:  05:39:50

a paint can shaker on steroids.





I think practicing on myself

Edited by - DC5 on 11/15/2018 05:40:23