chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2018:  09:41:10

never puts his foot/feet in his mouth(s)

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  09:49:40

"Says here the folks who produce that great program, "Drain The Oceans" are planning a new medical show. It's gonna be entitled "Drain The Sinuses." That'll be good!"

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2018:  10:05:31

Would be green with envy except he ran out of yellow pigment

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2018:  10:26:27

scrotum has turned into something akin to burnt pigmeat

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  10:32:24

Him: "So Honey, what's for supper tonight?"

Her: "Ooooh, I got a nice special today on burnt pigmeat!!!"

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2018:  10:52:24

After photo of someone who has eaten burnt pigmeat.

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  10:58:51

Eighty-three miles later, Ralph remembered he forgot to put his pants on.

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2018:  12:51:55

OK, you held your breath until your face turned blue. Now what?

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  13:32:22

Today in science, Ralph would prove to the world that a 300 pound human body (if traveling at the correct speed) can completely fit into a crash helmet. (Saved the widow a bundle on funeral expenses.)

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2018:  14:15:06

Told the lady at Amazon.com that he wanted to order a crash helmet with a sidecar

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  14:23:57

"Wow! Says here that breathing oxygen causes lung cancer, but only if inhaled in small amounts on a daily basis over a very long period of time."

TheLastWord - Posted - 07/27/2018:  17:01:10

We have successfully spliced the crazy gene with a blue jean.

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  17:15:41

"If I've said anything on this forum that has offended any of you-------then my job here is done!!!"

Edited by - Omeboy on 07/27/2018 17:16:06

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2018:  19:23:02

The good news is that the experimental drug has cured you. The bad news is that there were some side effects

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  19:39:11

It seems that everybody wanted Ralphy. Women wanted to be with him, men wanted to be him and the local cops----yeah, they really wanted his fat ass.

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2018:  19:56:19

his a*s is grass at the annual sheep shearing

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  19:59:09

"Geee!!! I didn't know that. Says here the Great Wall of China was actually made in Mexico."

OM45GE - Posted - 07/27/2018:  20:07:05

Has been turned away at the border

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  20:08:10

Nobody knows how the heck he did it, but Ralphy managed to land a job teaching motorcycle safety.

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/27/2018:  20:10:03

multiple personality disorder is not half bad

Omeboy - Posted - 07/27/2018:  20:11:11

"Since your mother arrives at 3:00 today, I better start drink'en at 2:00."

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2018:  03:40:26

Can lick with both tongues at the same time.

TheLastWord - Posted - 07/28/2018:  04:14:39

Dreams of starting on F Troop and courting Wrangler Jane.

Edited by - TheLastWord on 07/28/2018 04:15:56

Omeboy - Posted - 07/28/2018:  06:30:33

Publicity photo for the new Animal Plant thriller: Quack Attack.

OM45GE - Posted - 07/28/2018:  07:28:44

Has been ingesting too many strange plants

Omeboy - Posted - 07/28/2018:  07:44:45

Most folks use their frontal lobes for deep thinking. Ralph used his to separate his ear wax.

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/28/2018:  09:44:18

Has a seat at the Whacky Poets Society meetings

Omeboy - Posted - 07/28/2018:  10:43:28

"Says here the new toxic waste dump will be located at 217 East Elm Street. Hey wait a minute!!!! Our address 218 East Elm Street!!!!"



 

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/28/2018:  12:36:40

Now your nose will turn green

Omeboy - Posted - 07/28/2018:  12:48:36

Really digs Lawrence Welk.

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/28/2018:  15:06:42

Auditioned for Alice Cooper's band

Omeboy - Posted - 07/28/2018:  15:34:32

"Look, I'm sorry I said your mother's voice sounded like a jack-hammer. Not true. It's more like a cat stuffed in an old air-raid siren."

TheLastWord - Posted - 07/28/2018:  17:25:18

One to many blue pills.

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/29/2018:  03:46:56

See,,my eyes aren't red,,,,,,,,

TheLastWord - Posted - 07/29/2018:  04:12:11

Wrote the almost famous song...Sittin' on the Rail of the Fence.

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/29/2018:  05:18:01

Can't write because he sees double

Omeboy - Posted - 07/29/2018:  06:06:38

Suffers from what Freud called "accordion envy."

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/29/2018:  11:31:41

likes touring Three Mile Island nuclear plant

Omeboy - Posted - 07/29/2018:  13:04:16

"According to the paper, some weird, blue glowing guy has been seen prowling around Three Mile Island. He can't be interviewed because every time a TV news team gets too close to him, the camera gets fried and everybodys' hair falls out!"

OM45GE - Posted - 07/30/2018:  04:33:55

Doesn’t want to be interviewed about the TMI incident

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/30/2018:  04:38:05

OH NOOOoo!!! A 4-way stop coming up!!

OM45GE - Posted - 07/30/2018:  04:41:13

Thinking about buying a Les Paul

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/30/2018:  06:13:49

Doesn't know what I'm thinking at all

Omeboy - Posted - 07/30/2018:  06:27:32

Went missing for two months and nobody noticed.

OM45GE - Posted - 07/30/2018:  08:04:32

Had a non-speaking role in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"

Omeboy - Posted - 07/30/2018:  08:15:27

After a display of raw courage, Ralph proved once again that all cerebral cortexes are NOT created equal.

banjoscotty - Posted - 07/30/2018:  09:21:49

Has Ralph and Bill mixed up

chuckv97 - Posted - 07/30/2018:  09:28:42

Says he knew Ralph S and Bill M personally

Omeboy - Posted - 07/30/2018:  09:30:37

"Says here hundreds of people drop dead all over the world every day. Guess there's still hope for your mother!"