chuckv97 I didn't know Elvis met Emily Litella!
"Never mind!"
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Edited by - chuckv97 on 02/27/2021 16:34:12
Slammer!!!
Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an agent out to interview him.
“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.
“Well,” replied old John, “There’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90 percent of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.”
“That’s the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,” says the agent.
“That would be me,” replied old rancher John.
One of chuck's posts made me remember a cartoon in the "Far Side" cartoon series. A couple in a car and their dog were backing out of their driveway. The dog was in the back seat. He was looking down at another dog in the neighbors lawn, and gloatingly saying "My family is taking me to the vet to have me tutored".
I really miss "The Far Side".
I asked my dad why he still buys vinyl.
He said, “Records are always a sound purchase.”
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Why did the cowboy have a dachshund wiener dog?
Cause someone told him to get along little doggie..
Why did the cowboy wear a Stetson, neckerchief, wide belt, chaps, and sneakers ?
So he wouldn’t be mistaken for a truck driver.
Edited by - chuckv97 on 03/07/2021 20:14:26
quote:
Originally posted by mike gregoryIf you're tired of winter, but can't afford a ticket to Hawaii.......
Horror haircuts from the past: https://imgur.com/gallery/zqaWlYH
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.
He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Delta," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Delta?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
"He said, "Where'd you get the terrible haircut?"
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quote:
Originally posted by PaulRFquote:
Originally posted by mike gregoryIf you're tired of winter, but can't afford a ticket to Hawaii.......
Horror haircuts from the past: https://imgur.com/gallery/zqaWlYH
Talk about a bad hair day!
one of my favorite Far Sides goes like this: Two gold fish on outside of their bowl watching their
little house on fire in the bowl. One says to the other "you know we are equally screwed out here."
I think everyone has felt that way at one or another.
Stayed at a really posh hotel this weekend.
The towels were so soft & fluffy I could hardly close my suitcase.
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Happy IDES of MARCH
quote:
Originally posted by chuckv97.
I don't agree about the cats diary (but the dog's is OK). I try to through out my cat every evening before going to bed. But in the morning the cat is shouting at the front door and is crying: "Let me in! Give me some food. The mice monsters are too fast for me."
quote:
Originally posted by mike gregoryHappy IDES of MARCH
Edited by - janolov on 03/16/2021 09:15:16
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