Slammer!!!

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Originally posted by Owen

I hear they cause cancer  too.

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Originally posted by bubbalouie

quote:

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Originally posted by Owen

I hear they cause cancer  too.

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Only in California!

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And when Robinson Crusoe FINALLY made it home, he married the woman who had faitfully waited for him.

The book made him quite a celebrity, and some rich Enlish lord hired a struggling French artist to do a portrait of Robisson and his wife.

Being both French AND artistically sensiitive, he was quite smitten by her beauty, and dared not admit he was hopelessly in love with her.

But, eventually, overcome by emotion, he sent her a VERY special, one-of-a-kind gift, with a singing telegram.

Let's all sing along:

"Well, ear's to you, Mrs. Robinson...."

I needed some new furniture, so I went out shopping the day after Christmas.
The salesman told me:  "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
I said:  "Where in the world am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"

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...not a joke, per se, but ^^ reminded me of something I found kinda funny:   A neighbour and I were in his kitchen solving world problems.   His dog wandered in, did a couple of turn-arounds, laid down and proceeded to lick his [i.e. the dog's] balls.  My neighbour observed: "I'm glad we don't have to do that every time we come inside."

...it's been around for a while... my BIL in N.S. just (re)posted it:

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quote:

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Originally posted by Owen

...not a joke, per se, but ^^ reminded me of something I found kinda funny:   A neighbour and I were in his kitchen solving world problems.   His dog wandered in, did a couple of turn-arounds, laid down and proceeded to lick his [i.e. the dog's] balls.  My neighbour observed: "I'm glad we don't have to do that every time we come inside."

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Funnily enough, a similar thing happened to me.  I was having dinner at a friends house when his dog walked into the dining room, laid down and began licking its balls very enthusiastically.  In order to break the awkward silence, I jokingly said that ''I wish I cou,d do that''. To which my friend replied ''give him a biscuit and he'll probably let you''

When I was a lot younger I got together with a bunch of friends to play a strategy board game called "Empires in Arms". We had met in one of the guy's place where I hadn't been before. I asked for the loo and went. When I came back my hands were still wet because I hadn't wanted to use the towel that was there. You know, an appartment inhabited by a few students... The host noted my wet hands and said "I put that towel there today, you could have used that to dry your hands". Before I could reply anything another friend said: "and you could have washed your hands, too!". For some reason I still have to chuckle each time I think about that.

Castration without reprsentation...

If Bulls only had a vote....

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Originally posted by slammer

Slammer!!!

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Why that's just...

Nuts...! :0o

Hey, bird watchers!
You CALL them "barn swallows:, but have you ever actually watched them swallow a barn??

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The "Dancing is bad for your health" thread had me looking for the joke along the lines of some [ultra-]conservative groups forbidding dancing on the grounds that dancing could lead to pregnancy (?) and I came across this one: 

A boyfriend and girlfriend want permission to go to the prom, but the girl's father refuses.

"Absolutely not!" the father says, shaking his head angrily. "There'll be dancing there, and dancing can lead to sex and sex to pregnancy! Do you want to be pregnant at 18?"

"We won't be having sex, Dad! We just want to dance and have fun!" the girl tells him. "You probably won't even approve of us having sex even if we got married!"

"Of course, I will!" the father tells his daughter and her boyfriend. "Sex is allowed between a legally married couple."

"Can we do it in places other than the bedroom, like on the countertop in the kitchen in an airplane washroom?"

"Yes, since you'd be a legally married couple."

"Can we do it in all those weird positions, and can I be on top?" she asks.

"Yes, as long as you're a married couple," the father replies.

"Can we do it standing up?" the girl asks.

"NO!" shouts the father.

"Why not?"

"Because It could lead to dancing!"