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blamethebanjo |
As I move along down this winding path called life I think often of the days long ago.How do they seem so distant and so close at the same time?Inside I feel much the same as I did thirty years ago.I can easily touch from here that insecure kid as well as the brash hot headed know it all that combined with a million other parts equals me.
Lately though another aspect keeps reacuring in that tape loop going around in my head.What if anything has my life really meant at this point?Oh, I have accomplised a great many goals I set for myself.In doing so I was much harder on myself than I would ever have been on anyone else.But where is the significants of all this time spent?Have I made any difference at all? And if so was it for the good?
Each of us have beliefs that don't jell with other peoples exact way of thinking so if you are not of Christian faith I mean no disrespect when I say I hope someday when I stand before Jesus my acts down here are not lopsided too much in the wrong direction.
I have raised three children and been married almost thirty five years to my childhood sweetheart.None of that did I do perfectly.A lot of the things I would change if I could.Being limited by this feeble mind of mine hasn't always caused me to do the right thing.Some of it downright dumb when I look back.
Yet there it stands.Written in stone,what Darrell did with his life so far.No excuses from me either.I made my nest,some of it.Some was made especially for me.My cross to carry so to say.
Even these ailments I have now were most likely in some way brought on by me in some degree.None of it on purpouse although I admit I could have taken better care of myself.I didn't smoke and get cancer but I could have eaten better.I'm not sure how a person comes down with a bone disease but I am probably to blame somehow.And so my question is the one we all wrestle with I guess.What is the meaning of all this?
I don't buy that we are accidents from a big bang having crawled like tadpoles out of the sea.Changing from frog to monkey to man just so.That is like saying "I threw this handfull of sand in the camp fire and it came out a perfect Coke bottle!" Not likely.
What are your thoughts on this subject? I would like some guidence from people who are somewhat like me.We do all in fact like banjos don't we? Even so, I just wonder about all this.
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