mbanjo - Posted - 02/06/2013:  14:01:31

Much too unsuitable for the BHO........

Alaina - Posted - 02/06/2013:  14:53:11

Jokes similar to this one:

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:



Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:



Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/06/2013:  20:16:44

.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2013:  03:22:48

You've been watching haven't you?

That was funny.

dat - Posted - 02/07/2013:  06:26:16

and pretty much true, my bride is covered from head to toenail when she gets out of the shower

mbanjo - Posted - 02/07/2013:  11:16:41

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy with your bathroom habits for the rest of your life.

Edited by - mbanjo on 02/07/2013 11:17:58

dat - Posted - 02/07/2013:  11:18:34

and do it without even trying

OM45GE - Posted - 02/07/2013:  18:09:46

I never realize that "until death do us part" would become a goal.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/07/2013:  18:44:18

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2013:  02:51:49

It's one way to get some peace and quiet, but not my preference.

dat - Posted - 02/08/2013:  06:39:07

I'm pretty lucky most of the time, my bride loves do do the same things I do, so she doesn't fuss much.  

bad thing is when you go on a hunting or fishing trip with a friend, you split the expense, when you go fishing or hunting with your bride, you double the expense, she still doesn't understand that

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2013:  09:26:40

Is that the new math?

gregsquared - Posted - 02/08/2013:  10:27:00

No, this is the new math: 

youtube.com/watch?v=UIKGV2cTgqA

dat - Posted - 02/08/2013:  11:48:53

OR THIS

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the

1950s:

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His

cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his

profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His

cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What

is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His

cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His

cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your

assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is

selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the

habitat of animals or the preservation of our

woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of

$20. What do you think of this way of making a

living?

Topic for class participation after answering the

question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the

logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong

answers.)

Teaching Math In 2010

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera por $100.

El cuesto de la produccion es $80. Cuantas tortillas

se puede comprar?  

OM45GE - Posted - 02/08/2013:  13:31:34

One potato, two potato, three potato four...

mbanjo - Posted - 02/08/2013:  14:37:53

dem's a lot of spuds......

OM45GE - Posted - 02/09/2013:  10:52:28

Eye'll say.

gregsquared - Posted - 02/09/2013:  11:58:12

I've been baked, I've been fried, I've been boiled, I've been mashed..... 

mbanjo - Posted - 02/09/2013:  17:44:01

I've been everywhere man.........

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2013:  10:27:42

A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

mbanjo - Posted - 02/10/2013:  13:34:33

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

gregsquared - Posted - 02/10/2013:  17:03:24

Gas can what? 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/10/2013:  17:27:17

Look at that doggie.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/10/2013:  19:09:44

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

gregsquared - Posted - 02/10/2013:  23:26:54

"Whee doggies!"  --Jed Clampett

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2013:  04:32:54

It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood.

dat - Posted - 02/11/2013:  06:01:41

UVA UVAM VIDENDO VARIA FIT 

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2013:  06:48:11

That's beyond my limited Latin.

dat - Posted - 02/11/2013:  08:05:05

it doesn't really have an exact meaning, it was from Lonesome Dove       pretty much "grapes ripen with those around them"    or you are the same as your friends or something like that

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2013:  09:47:07

In my case it "Nuts ripen with those around them"!

BigMonFan - Posted - 02/11/2013:  10:29:58

Elephants work for peanuts.

randyz714 - Posted - 02/11/2013:  11:25:47

Hot Tuna was a great name for a band.....but i bet real hot tuna is pretty ick~

mbanjo - Posted - 02/11/2013:  12:20:10

I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

OM45GE - Posted - 02/11/2013:  15:31:13

My imaginary friends won't play with me any more.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/11/2013:  17:03:06

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat.

5-stringreiny - Posted - 02/11/2013:  17:34:45

I'm not as tick as I shink I was...

Hankon5 - Posted - 02/11/2013:  18:07:53

I play Foggy Mountain Breakdown in my mind!

mbanjo - Posted - 02/11/2013:  19:42:17

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.

gdtrfb24 - Posted - 02/12/2013:  03:44:29

Mind those bloody pear trees!

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2013:  04:23:23

Those are definitely not real.

dat - Posted - 02/12/2013:  05:52:29

but they look nice

OM45GE - Posted - 02/12/2013:  09:15:41

Hmmmmmm, yes.

mbanjo - Posted - 02/12/2013:  11:26:46

Two is always better than one

dat - Posted - 02/12/2013:  12:27:43

 big ol good ones or good ol big ones?

mbanjo - Posted - 02/12/2013:  12:45:41

Both sound good to me...............what a decision to have to make before the first coffee of the day

dat - Posted - 02/12/2013:  13:21:50

could be a lot worse decisions to make

gregsquared - Posted - 02/12/2013:  13:47:47

Wait -- Are two belly buttons better than one?  Two noses?  Certainly not two mouths...? 

mbanjo - Posted - 02/12/2013:  14:06:53

Just think if you have two mouths.......you could eat breakfast at the same time as you eat lunch

dat - Posted - 02/12/2013:  14:32:07

and ifin your bride had two mouths, she could fuss and complain about two different things at once