Some years ago, this advert was sent in to an English website offering used cars for sale - and they accepted it!
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Capitalist running dogs of the world, unite! - 1994 Lada Riva 1500E Vaz 2105 for sale!
Here is genuine piece of highly advanced technological Soviet machinery in gloriously decadent maroon. Is a low mileage example of superior Soviet engineering with just 30,454 miles/49,000kms on clock, clean and rust free, with original hard wearing Soviet paint but with some scratches and scrapes due to its time spend in decadent United Kingdom under supposed care of elderly western gentleman.
Interior, extremely well made by Women of Moscow is also very clean, comfortable and in good condition. The rear seats appear not to have been adorned by decadent ???? /??????? of western children.
Superior developed engine starts on the button now that is it fitted with a manual twin choke Weber carburettor rather than the automatic choke emissions restricting fuel saving device insisted on being fitted by tree-hugging liberals in anti-soviet European Parliament. Engine is now very responsive and acceleration has been significantly improved to enable superior Russian motor vehicle to exceed performance of flashy decadent luxury western motor vehicles like Ford Escort and BMW 316.
Transmission is technically advanced 5-speed Volzhsky Avtomobilny Zavod gearbox. Notchy gearchange because of low mileage and soft western use, only strong Russian woman can soften Volzhsky Avtomobilny Zavod gearboxes for western tastes.
Brakes are excellent as would expect from advanced Russian quality; excessive use of brakes will cause lock-up so advise to ignore red light at junction and belt it! Electrics on motor vehicle are fully operable and have been improved by accredited member of Communist Party.
New & Good Bits
Weber Twin Manual Choke Carb with K&N Filter (Approved by Politburo)
Front Suspension Refurbishment (To KGB specification)
After Market Screen Jet Pump (Highly decadent)
Radiator Fan Switch and Relay
Water Pump and Belt
Battery
Brake Master Cylinder Cap
Niva Cam Cover (From Soviet State of Ukraine)
Throttle Linkage
Rear Wheel Cylinder
Replacement Drivers Window Mechanism
Centre Console fitted with new speakers and Radio Tape Cassette
Never been smoked in
New MoT as of 20th September 2014
No so Good Bits
Scratches and minor scrapes on paint work, paint thin in places and flat but does polish up well, perfectly acceptable in Leningrad.
Please telephone 0770 XXX XXX for further details, contact via email preferable as phone monitored by glorious Soviet security agency FSB. Viewing welcomed if you have your papers and they are in order. Superior Russian Motor Vehicle located near Bracknell in Berkshire, UK, minor target for nuclear proliferation.
What do you call a guy that hangs around a bunch of musicians?
Banjo player/Comedian.
quote:
Originally posted by slammerSlammer!!!
I'd have been the kid in the front row . . . 
How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to say how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue, then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flamers
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
6 to condemn the above 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to say that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this forum
13 to link all posts to date, quote them, complete, including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short while ago?"
13 to say "do an internet search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
Total: 185 forum members!
A man told a friend that he had experienced a strange day. “First, I found a hat full of money. Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar."
Enfield1858 Regarding light bulbs (lamps? lightbulbs?) in you post you forgot one: "Earl's and/or Sonny's way of changing light bulbs was better."
Not trying to get political, but here goes,
What is Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable?
Baroccoli
Who's green and played basketball?
Charles Broccoli.
quote:
Originally posted by Jbo1Enfield1858 Regarding light bulbs (lamps? lightbulbs?) in you post you forgot one: "Earl's and/or Sonny's way of changing light bulbs was better."
Oh, Heavens - how could I possibly have forgotten that little army!
The delicacy of trombones . . . 1
Edited by - Enfield1858 on 08/04/2021 07:48:13
Despite being a professional musician for most of my life, I find I am illiterate to much of it's nomenclature. I didn't know what "FFF" meant so I looked it up. Reading the definition I thought to myself, "oh, it means 'banjo volume'."
quote:
Originally posted by Jbo1Despite being a professional musician for most of my life, I find I am illiterate to much of it's nomenclature. I didn't know what "FFF" meant so I looked it up. Reading the definition I thought to myself, "oh, it means 'banjo volume'."
No, no -
F is banjo volume;
FF is bluegrass volume;
FFF is bluegrass band volume - or F-35 taking off with reheat . . .
FFFF is trombones marching through DC, and aiming to rattle every window in Baltimore!
Edited by - Enfield1858 on 08/04/2021 08:21:17
quote:
Originally posted by Enfield1858How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to say how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue, then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flamers
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"6 to condemn the above 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to say that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this forum
13 to link all posts to date, quote them, complete, including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short while ago?"
13 to say "do an internet search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.Total: 185 forum members!
That's not how Earl did it.
186 forum members.
According to way too many people saving lives every day is a joke.
As a resident of the back stand of the viola section, I appreciate those trombone jokes quite a bit.
My main motivation to practice is to preserve my hearing.
quote:
Originally posted by DC5quote:
Originally posted by Enfield1858How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to say how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue, then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flamers
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"6 to condemn the above 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to say that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this forum
13 to link all posts to date, quote them, complete, including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short while ago?"
13 to say "do an internet search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.Total: 185 forum members!
That's not how Earl did it.
186 forum members.
Brethren and cistern, let us not forget the HUNDREDS of Banjo OutHangers who will condemn it for being ELECTRIFIED!
quote:
Originally posted by Enfield1858How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to say how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue, then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flamers
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"6 to condemn the above 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to say that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this forum
13 to link all posts to date, quote them, complete, including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short while ago?"
13 to say "do an internet search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.Total: 185 forum members!
Someone will turn it political and it will be locked. So, xxx members and one moderator.
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