Classic! Take this in good spirit, pls. It’s very good comedy.
digg.com/2020/trump-impression-coronavirus

There was an american man who lived in Korea and when he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom the entire time he was there.
Then he returned to America and one morning he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis.the man freaked out. He went to the doctor. The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests."
So they ran some tests and he said come back in 3 days for your test results. The man came back in 3 days and the doctor said "I have some bad news: "You have a disease called pongolion HP. It is very uncommon here and we now little about it. I'm sorry sir but we will need to amputate your penis."
The man was horrified. He went to a Korean doctor thinking he would know more about it.
The doctor said "oh yes, pongolion HP, very ware. yes" said the Korean Doctor.
"The american doctor wants to amputate my penis."
"Stupid a american doctah, make more money that way, no need amputate."
"Oh thank god" said the man.
"Yes,wait 2 w,eeks, fall off by itself."

I went to a doctor and said I thought I had a case of corona. He said I should go to an optometrist, because I actually had a case of Dos Equis.

All these years I've made my wife walk six feet behind me in public. Now it turns out I wasn't a sexist jerk, I've been "social distancing."

"dos equis"  you say??

I'd say it's a bit late for an optometrist:

Three men were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The first man finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands ... clear up to his elbows ... He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented: "I graduated from Harvard and they taught us to be clean."

The second man finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented: "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The third man zipped up and as he was walking out the door he had a smirk on his face and said: "I don't know about you guys, but where I went to college, they taught us not to piss on our hands."

Courtesy of Don Zepp.

One day an Irishman, who had been
stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the
horizon.

He thought to himself "It's certainly
not a ship".. and as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out
the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf
a wet-suited black clad figure.Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of
the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

The glamorous blonde strode up to the
stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since
you've had a good cigar?

"Ten years,"
replied the amazed Irishman.With that, she reached over and unzipped a
waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh
package of cigars.

He takes
one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the man,
"that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can
be!"

"And how long has it been since
you've had a drop of good Powers Irish Whiskey?" asked the
blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten
years."

Hearing that, the blonde reaches over
to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket and removes a flask and hands it to
him.

He opened the flask and took a long
drink."'Tis nectar of the gods!" stated the Irishman. ''Tis truly
fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde
started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the
middle.

She looked at the trembling man and
asked, "And how long has it been since you played
around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman
fell to his knees and sobbed, "Oh, Sweet Mother McCree!! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too!"

A man was charged with murder today for killing another man. He used sandpaper to kill him but stated in his defense that he had only wanted to rough him up a bit.

Two snakes were crawlin' down the road.
First snake asks the second snake, 'Hey are we poisonous?'
Second snake says, 'I dunno, why do you ask?'
First snake says, 'Because I just bit my tongue!'

************

My wife and I were watchin' a 3-hour long movie.

After it was finally over, she had a hard time gettin' up, and said, 'Ooh my rear-end fell asleep!'

And I said to her, 'Yea, I know, I heard it snoring!'

*************

Did y'all hear about that poor woman they found murdered in her home?

They found her lying in a bathtub full of milk, and she had a banana sticking out of her bottom.

... they think it was a cereal killer!

I saw in the news that most countries in the world now have COVID-19. China was able to get it right off the bat.

Can't get it to open here. Maybe the link will let you have a peek.

https://www.gocomics.com/darksideofthehorse/2020/04/04?ct=v&cti=2090270

It's a horse and a banjo.

mike gregory
Mike, I went back through the list of dark horse cartoons, lots of funny there, thanks :-)

It seems that a new law firm just opened in our town: Dewey, Cheatham and Howe.

Ooops... edited out a "mistake."   Sorry.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Owen

Ooops... edited out a "mistake."   Sorry.

---

"Darling, my mother demanded to know if I'm currently seeing anyone.

I told her I'm NOT, but I feel as if that's only TECHNICALLY true!"

-Claude's girlfriend-

......last email :

.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: “Watson, look up and tell me what you see”.

Watson said: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars”.

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a moment: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.”

“Why? – What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: “Someone has stolen our tent.”