A class comes in from recess and is given a spelling test.

"Jimmy, what did you do during recess" asks the teacher. "I played in the sandbox with Sally" says Jimmy. "That's great! If you can spell 'sand' on the board, you get a cookie!" Jimmy does and gets his reward.

"Sally, what did you do during recess?" "I played in the sand box with Jimmy!" "Wow! If you can spell 'box' on the board, you get a cookie!" Sally does and gets a cookie.

"Jamal, what did you do during recess?" "I tried to play with Sally and Jimmy but they just threw rocks at me." "Oh my! That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' on the board, you get a cookie!"

A guy walked into the doctors with a steering wheel down his trousers - ‘doc, can you do anything with this, it’s driving me nuts’

.

I just broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend.

It turns out she was seeing somebody else.

Our son made us a drink called a Dark and Stormy, which is Rum, Ginger Beer and Lime. Pretty good. You could also add fortified wine, which would make it a Dark and Stormy Night (Train).

If you added a shot of Jack you would have a Dark and Stormy Daniels. Which, if you don't want your spouse to know you tried it, will cost you $135,000.

 Not a joke, per se, but something I found kinda funny:   Back in the 60s a friend and a few team mates were traveling by car to a fastball tournament.  Somehow the hood latch failed and the hood flipped up and back over the windshield and roof.  The driver was able to slow down and bring it to a stop safely, but it came to rest partially in the ditch.  They got out, surveyed the scene, found some rope or wire and secured the hood back down.  When the driver put it into "R" to get it back on the road a witty French Canadian team mate in the back warned:  "Be careful da trung don' fly op!"

Look at the eyes on the Stones’ in Jan’s pic above compared to the wholesome-looking lads in the previous photo. LOL.... ya think they got to smoking something ...?

A wife is dreaming in bed. She suddenly wakes up and shouts, "Quick - my husband is home!"
Her husband wakes up and jumps out the window!

Why Men Shouldn't Take Messages;

"Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer was fine.
I thought you didn't like beer ??

Why you shouldn't give your Mom a smartphnoe:

There's a big a** spider  in my house that I decided to name Cotton Eyed Joe - - - 
because I wanted to know two things.  Where'd he come from?  Where'd he go?

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

“I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does

Far Side

I love a visual pun!

Bela Lugosi had ZERO iconic movie roles, if you don't count Dracula!

Lady: I received a letter from my dead husband
Friend: Was it really from him?
Lady: Not really. It was ghostwritten

John: Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
Mark: Why?
John: He didn’t have the stomach for it!

I like a good pun.

I LOVE a bad pun.

But to really get my FUN meter up the scale, just SHOW me a VISUAL pun.

Here's a hammerhead shark!

This is a story from the Soviet time (now they have more cloth, more food,  and more Putin)

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."

 

This is an adult garden joke: 

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her organic vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her organic tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red organic tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.

"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect organic garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily.

Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress.

"So," he asked, "any luck with your tomatoes?"

"No," she replied excitedly... "but you should see the size of my cucumbers!"
 

For those of you who think the picture of him swimming was "too blurry"

and will not accept an artists DRAWING

Here is a FULL -COLOUR PHOTOGRAPH, proving his existence!

An atheist is walking along the bank of Loch Ness, suddenly, out of the depths appears Nessie.
She snatched the athiest up in her jaws and threw her head back, throwing the atheist up in the air. Just before he was about to fall into Nessie's jaws he cries out :
"Oh god help me!"
Amazingly, time froze and God appeared next to the atheistand God asked:
"My son, all your life you have forsaken me, why now do you call upon me?"
The atheist responded with: "Give me a break, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster five minutes ago either!"